hi, Eliana. Your story is verrrrrrrryyyyyyy similar to mine. I had problems as a kid but wasn't diagnosed with anxiety/depression 'til my late twenties. I've been taking meds for that ever since. Now, at 43, I was just diagnosed with ADHD, and suddenly it's like the last piece of the puzzle fell into place. I started taking Ritalin three months ago, and it has helped my short-term memory, focus, and hyperactivity a great deal. I'm getting more done at work (I'm a technical writer) and a lot of my residual anxiety and depression symptoms have gone away. I've noticed that instead of feeling overwhelmed and having four dozen things on my mind at once, I can slow my thoughts down enough to make plans and see something through. I can't say Ritalin is right for everyone, but I think the meds--whatever your doctor recommends--are worth a try.

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I am just turning 30. Have been on meds constantly to try to manage anxiety...just now finally got referred to a psychologist who happens to have worked with undiagnosed ADD students at a university in Montreal. Even he at first tried various remedies to deal with all the issues I was having...until two weeks ago when he mentioned ADD and started describing it and it all hit home. And then I started reading the book: You mean I'm not stupid, lazy or crazy? And it was like reading a description of myself. I talked to him just before he left for vacationo and next week we start the official diagnosis process. My best friend also has ADD and was diagnosed at 24. He thought I had already been diagnosed and was surprised that I was just now being diagnosed. Now that I'm starting to manage my 'anxiety' symptoms as the ADD symptoms they actually are I am doing soooo much better!

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Your post is the first one I read on this board. I just now joined. I remember the exact moment my depression started. 12 years ago, I had just started dating a wonderful man. You know, that first few weeks when you float on air? It was a gorgeous night and I was waiting for him to pick me up to go out for supper and putting on my makeup. Suddenly, I wanted to get in my bed which I found odd, but I called him and told him not to pick me up because I was "sick". Well, I've never been the same since that night.

10 years ago, I went into the living room and told my daughter to call 911 because I was going to do away with myself. They put me on a lock down suicide ward and I was starting to get better when they told me I had to leave because my insurance ran out......on my discharge papers the doctor wrote "borderline personality disorder" (which seems to be a generic term for "I don't know what the heck is wrong with her" - and under prognosis he wrote, "guarded". That scared me.

wait, let me tell you this first - I have worked for lawyers, doctors, I managed a corporate collection agency for 15 years...I'm no idiot. About 2 years ago I started having panic attacks which are terrifying when you don't know what they are. I was diagnosed with depression and given prozac and klonopin. Everything kept getting worse. I went from being the top producer at my job to getting "written up" for poor performance. I literally could not remember how to do my job and I could not stay in my chair.

Finally, in July of this year I was able to see a psychiatrist - the real deal. He diagnosed me with panic syndrome, due to ADD. I am on Strattera now (for less than 2 weeks), Celexa and Xanax as needed - I hate those nerve pills, but they DO work. I didn't take my Strattera this morning and I did TERRIBLE at work today.

When I read your post, it was like reading about my own life. ((HUGS)))

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I have to say that when my pychiatrist mentioned ADD/ADHD I was a bit confused because growing up, yeah I was a bit all over the place at times, but that was just to piss my mother off. (I am an only child) She expected me to be sitting down twirling my thumbs all the time. In school, I skipped two grades, never had a problem other then the fact that I spoke too much.

I can't exactly pin point the exact moment when I started to feel depressed but I know that it started in my late teens, early twenties. When my first child was born I had the baby blues, but I attributed the depression to being young and having so many marital problems. When I had my second child, I went to a pyschiatrist because the post-partum depression/anxiety was terrible, he wanted to put me on meds and I refused. I decided to go to therapy instead, went for 18 months, it helped talking to someone and was relatively well, had a job I loved and eventhough my husband had cancer when my daughter was almost 2 I had no problems with the depression/anxiety. About 2 years after his ordeal it hit me and I was put on Paxil, the worked pretty well. I got pregnant with my third child, got off all the meds and when I was 7 months pregnant I went on Xanax (when needed) because I was having anxiety attacks. Had my daughter, breastfedd her for 18 months, with no problems, after 3-4 months, the depression/anxiety hit me like a mack truck. Finally I went to see a wonderful doctor that was able to help me with medication. I have to admit that my depression is on going, it has never really subsided completely, I am a totally different person then I was. So this diagnosis has caught me a bit off guard although my son (27) was diagnosed only 2 years ago with ADD/ADHD, before his diagnosis he went into depression and was also having anxiety attacks, we thought it was because he and his wife were expecting their first child, he went to 2 doctors, when being the one I go to and he didn't want to put him on meds, the other doctor recognized his symptom immediately and put him on Adderal and he has been fine since, he doesn't take them all the time, but when he does he is a different person. Anyway, I am hoping that if my doctor decides to put me on medication (I have to go for a physical first), that the help me and that I feel some normalcy back in my life. I know that I can never bring back what I call "the lost years", but I am hoping that I will be able to do more, concentrate better, not have to look up words in the dictionary because I don't remember how to spell them and perhaps finishing projects that I have started and then get bored with and never finish. It's nice too know that there are others like me out there, but it is a difficult pill to swallow when the doctor tell you that "it's the missing piece of the puzzle", you wonder why you have had to suffer so many years. I have not been able to work since 2004, because working gives me too much stress, causing the depression to worsen and the anxiety attacks to come more frequently. I guess we all have our "demons", I used to think that kids were being overly diagnosed now, but now I see that if the parents and the doctors can nip this in the butt at an early age, then perhaps this kids don't have to suffer endlessly like some of us have! (If my sentences do not make sense or words are missing it is because of the ADD/ADHD, I think a lot faster then I can type!) Thanks to those that have written back, it is very encouraging to hear others stories, keep them coming.

Eliana

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I am looking for a supportive group of people to talk about ADD issues with. I read that it is common to be diagnosed when estrogen levels start changing perimenapausal and post-partum and pms. It was even questioned if I was bipolar but all my "mood" issues really relate more to being overwhelmed in extreme circumstances. It has been a slow progress for treatments during these 6 years while I've been having my babies. Wish that I could have savoured the joy better during those infant years. Saw a show on PBS a year ago and said "well duh!", that is a no brainer! Intuniv made me too drowsy. Just stared Straterra and looking forward to better days. Just wish I could catch up on the clutter closing down on my house and overwhelming me. Seems like an impossible task.

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