My wife was just diagnosed with ADD, and I'm wondering if anyone has advice, book recommendations, etc. for how to be a supportive spouse. I'll start off by saying that while our marriage might not be 50's-tv-sitcom perfect, it's a happy one. Maybe a bit of background would help:

My wife is 45 and we've been married eight years. We have two children; daughter is 2 1/2 and son is 7 months. My wife has always been disorganized and a bit of an impulsive shopper, but I never thought of it as a medical problem. A few years ago, she told me she suspected she had adult ADD. I was skeptical, but told her I'd support her if she wanted to see a therapist, and would come along, too, if I was wanted. I didn't know much about ADD - I figured it was mainly an excuse for lazy teachers to sedate half the classroom (sorry, I've known a couple of monstrous teachers who should never have been allowed near kids, and both saw Ritalin as God's gift to civil servants). Well, my wife read a couple of books (Driven to Distraction was one) and ended up dropping the whole subject.

When our daughter was born, I noticed my wife was becoming really scatterbrained. Her short-term memory was terrible, and she had a really hard time making even simple judgments. I worried she had some kind of early-onset Alzheimer's (never said it to her, of course), but things got better again after a while.

When our son was born, she had serious post-partem depression (not to mention forgetfulness again), and started seeing a therapist. She never told me anything about the sessions until just last night, when she told me the therapist suspected ADD almost from the start, and had sent her to undergo some diagnostic tests. She got the results yesterday, and they came back positive for ADD. I've been using my free time today to research ADD. It's rather amazing to see how so many of the little things that bug me about my wife from time to time look like ADD symptoms. I found that lack of sleep exacerbates ADD, so it makes sense that some of these problems are especially bad with a newborn around.

My wife seems relieved with the diagnosis, and she's going to see her doctor to discuss whether medication is a good idea. I'm glad, too. It helps to understand that my wife doesn't intend to ignore what I'm saying or forget about our conversations.

I love my wife dearly and want to be as supportive as I can. Searching terms like "spouse ADD" on Google mostly produces advice for couples on the verge of divorce or stories like "My wacky ADHD ex drove into a tree, can you believe that jerk?" I'm looking for something more along the lines of how to help without coming across as condescending. I think my wife will look at this as just her problem, and not want to burden me with it, so I might not get a lot of obvious clues. And I'm not very good at picking up subtle clues from women - back in my single days, I would have conversations like this: Male Friend: "What's wrong with you, that hot chick was throwing herself at you and you just ignored her?" Me: "Huh? She was?" Sorry for that digression, I figured if I was going to talk about my wife's shortcomings, I should mention at least one of my own, too. Anyway, some advice would be appreciated.

Quote