Its never easy to find the words to tell your child they have ADHD. My son is 11 years old and we told him about 6 months ago, when i first said the words he cried, he thought he was sick with something. I cried as well. Then, I drew a picture on a sheet of paper of a tree, with a bench off to the side and a rock on the other side of it. I showed him that everyone has a different way of getting to the tree for instance, if someone told me to go to the tree i would walk straight for it, others, like him , would go over the bench around the rock and then to the tree, we are all right, as long as you get to the tree you are fine, its just the way we get to the tree that is different... this seemed to help him understand, he is now a big advocate for ADHD, he made a speech about it, explaining what it felt like to have it, kids are great. His friends now understand him more and he feels better knowing that he has ADHD and that he's not the "dumb" kid in the class. Hope this helps.

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I have never heard of "impassive" adhd. Do you mean "inattentive"?

But let's push that aside. Here's the simple deal. The goal of a parent is to give a kid hope. So you want to tell him the news. Tell him there will be challenges. Tell him it will make life harder at times. But the most important part is the ending. The ending you want is: you are wonderful, creative, kind ..... and we're going to do everything we can to get you in the best possible programs with the best teachers and working with the best doctors and counselors so that you can have a totally wonderful life!

Just as long as you add that hope in there at the end, the kid will be fine.

But ADHD isn't THAT bad. Over time, hopefully having a label for the experiences he's having will provide some comfort, and he'll come back to you with questions. Just answer them honestly.

One more point: you yourself have got to come to terms with his condition. By that I mean, you wanna make sure you don't think he's defective. If you think he's defective with this condition, then hold off telling him until you strongly and deeply feel otherwise.

If you feel this condition is just one part of him and that he is a wonderful kid with many strengths and quirks and interests and habits that you love--then just tell him that! He is not the condition!

I'll push things further ... Make sure you do a lot of reading on this topic ... I was diagnosed as an adult, and it came as a relief to me. Finally! ... Finally, something that seemed to explain the way my brain works the troubles I have with organization and deadlines and punctuality and basic focus ... But here's a piece of good news ... if you read up on what counselors say about choosing the best careers for people with adhd, the consensus is that there are many high-powered high paying jobs that are good fits for people with adhd. For example, emergency medicine. Or how about this: a major politician or political leader. How so you might ask? Because big-time politicians have a staff of aides who can do all the tedious work and fill out the right forms and drive them around and make sure they get to places on time!

There are CEOs with adhd. Guess what? They have fantastic secretaries and assistants and people around them who are super well organized. ADHD folks are great ideas people, we are often charismatic and spontaneous ... You can survive in the world with these traits as long as you learn how to get support and get to the right jobs.

I had summer jobs in college where I had to sit at desks all day long. I would constantly sneak away and I ended up not getting rehired ... Of course, at the time, I was feeling guilty ... Later on, I gob a job at a snackbar where I was standing on my feet most of them, chatting with customers, warming up bagels--I was in hog heaven! ... I didn't know I had adhd at the time, but I knew what type of job made me miserable and what type of job I could enjoy.

The upshot of all of this is that there is no reason for this to be some severe downer ...Good luck!

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I'm 27 now and I still remember the day my parents told me I have ADD (they didn't include the H then if you were the inattentive subtype, which I am). I was in 3rd grade. My parents sat me down in the kitchen and said thatt everyone has a bucket in their brain that's filled with little particles, like sand, that help them concentrate. And then my mom said that I have a hole in my bucket, which is why I have trouble focusing, organizing, etc. She said the doctor gave us some pills that would help me, but I was afraid of swallowing pills at the time so I didn't take that news well. I cried, my mom cried, and then she hugged me and said they'd help me through it all.

My point is this: There's no perfect way to say it. And in all likelihood your child is probably well aware that there's something different about him, and it's more frustrating that he doesn't know what it is. So no matter what you say, just say it in a positive, supportive way and let your child know that you'll be there the whole time, and he'll be fine. I promise.

The happy ending to my story (and I hope I glimmer for you) is that I'm now a school psychologist. Yes, life is a struggle with ADHD, and sometimes it will be harder than others to deal with, but you learn strategies to cope and having the support of a parent is the best thing you can have. Just the fact that you're on this forum is evidence enough that you want to help as much as possible. I still call my mom every day and she helps me through the things I go through. I can do it myself, but having her and my dad there makes it easier to deal with. And now, because my parents took the time to come up with any explanation and get me the help I needed, I get to help other kids in that and other situations. It's a real blessing. I wouldn't trade my experience for anything, and it helps me explain to parents what it's actually like for their child going through this. Just a side note, my dad has also been very helpful, but I mention my mom more because she was an administrative assistant for years which helped me develop strategies for myself. Plus we're pretty sure my dad has had ADHD all these years and was just never diagnosed.

Just be there. That's the best thing you can do. Promise. :)

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