http://askdreric-schoolpsychologist.blogspot.com/2010/10/random-thoughts-on-bullying.html

In the end, unless you develop a level of witty comebacks at the level of a stand-up comedian's ability to deal with hecklers.... get help.

The worse that can happen is that they try to bully you, which is already happening. You can start with a counselor, who should be able to coach you with some help of confidentiality. Of course, you need a good counselor, not just any counselor.

If anything is occurring online, save and print it for physical evidence.

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Hi, Alex, I'm Taylor, and I'm nineteen (almost twenty!) years old. Even though I've never personally been subject to bullying, I know how isolating ADHD can be. I'm ADHD Inattentive Type, and a lot of the time I miss stuff in social situations, or zone out and come back to find people staring at me. I can count the number of friends that I have on one hand. I have trouble looking people in the eye when I talk to them, and tend to chatter when I speak as well.

My point is, you're not alone. There are lots of kids in your situation, and I'm pretty sure they all feel the same way you do. I don't have any really handy advice for you, but I want you to know that I'm here if you need to vent, and so are a ton of other lovely people on these forums. I would follow eabeam's advice and get a counselor, not because there's anything wrong with you (there is NOTHING wrong with you, and make sure you remember that!), but because the counselor can help you figure out ways to fight back without getting in trouble and without making things worse for yourself. And always remember that they bully you because they're just jealous of how totally awesome you are ; D.

Best regards, Taylor

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Hi Alex,

I just joined the forum because I felt compelled to respond.

In Junior high, I was bullied by a group of guys and it was pure hell. I didn't know it then, but I had inattentive ADHD. I also had bad acne, was very shy and had no one in my life that I felt could help me or be a strong male influence. My so-called friends did nothing to help me. I would shudder in fear, my hands would always be sweaty, I was a mess.

I did however take up karate. Though not the best type of self defense system out there, it gave me access to some strong male role models who did not treat me like a shy, odd kid. We were told that we would be kicked out of the program if we got into fights, so I was afraid of getting in trouble with them.

After it got especially bad, I told my instructor about it. He matter of factly said "Hit him back." I asked about the no fighting rule, and he said something like "I don't care! You do not let someone do that to you. Just hit him back." So I did, and the look on the kids face was priceless. But, he then cried to his friend who then tried to push me around the halls one day. But I did show that I was not such an easy target for them to pick on.

I know that everyone is saying to go talk to/with your school, parents etc, AND YOU ABSOLUTELY SHOULD. I do not want to sound like I'm pushing you to fight anyone. When you seek out trouble, bad, unexpected things can happen. BUT, I think that self defense is important. Be it either showing them mentally or physically, you have a right to defend yourself.

If you decide you have to make a stand, do it somewhere safe. An older idea for this problem was to make your stand at school near some adults. Make sure your teachers know of your problem, so if a situation arises where you have to defend yourself, they will have a better understanding of the situation and not treat you like they would the others.

I think that the most important aspect is attitude. I was a shy kid with low self esteem and ADHD. When someone pushed me around I did NOT feel like I was entitled to defend myself. I felt shame. I didn't know what to do.

Now, I think that this has a lot to do with the attitude that you project. However you do it, find ways to be a confident, KIND, well-rounded person.

An interesting example I'd like to cite is dog training. Growing up, I noticed that my friends dogs would not listen to anyone, or show submissiveness to anyone but the leader of the family. Be it mom or dad, those dogs showed respect to their pack leader. These parents weren't constantly taking their dogs to training classes or anything like that, they were simply conveying an attitude that they were the boss.

When I took my parent's dog to obedience class, my dog would not listen to me, but then the trainer would say, "Let me try" and my dog would follow the command every time! I don't think the trainer even knew it, but it was her stern, serious "I'm the boss" attitude that my dog was reacting to.

Now I know. I have a ninety pound shepherd breed of dog that is NOT a dog for beginners. My wife and I convey to him with our attitude that WE are in charge. He listens to us. In the wrong hands, a strong willed dog like ours could be a dangerous problem (not because of him, but because of the possibly neglectful owners that he could have landed with). He is a beautiful, kind hearted dog that shows concern even for our cats when one is in distress, and he is this way because of our attitude/demeanor/presence.

Back to my junior high days, I didn't get into any fights, but I just got fed up and talked back to my sad little bullies. When someone tried to shove me, I shoved back. I put up a wall of resistance and swore that they'd never beat me.

After a while, the oddest thing happened, our groups of friends sort of intertwined, and their name calling became less and less. (They used to call me "Grease-Face"). By the time high school came around, they did not bother me at all. I was no longer an easy target to them. They wanted to pick on easy targets because they had their own problems with self esteem. They were probably being abused by someone else, and wanted to feel empowered by hurting someone else. Interestingly, I don't think that an of them bullied anyone else after that, or not as intensely anyway.

I am now 38 and still see people trying to assert themselves over people they may see as victims. It does not take a large, muscular person to stand up to a bully, it just takes the attitude that you do not accept, or acknowledge their childish idiocy.

I am now attending a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school. I wanted to learn more self defense skills, and find an interesting way to get some exercise. My instructor was involved in a lot of fights when he was younger, but shared with us that he has not been in one fight since he took up BJJ. That was about 15 years ago. He is a smaller man, only 150 to 160 pounds, but he conveys a calm, cool confidence that everyone responds to. I was much smaller in junior high, but now I weigh 225 pounds. I may have a size advantage over this man, but his skill and attitude make him a amazingly formidable person. He is not mean or abusive. His words carry weight.

My advice to you Alex is to get all the help you can. You are not alone. You must find ways to bring out that strength that I and others can so clearly see in YOU. Don't lose hope. NEVER lose hope. High School will be such a small part of your life. It's a hard place to be, but you will graduate and move on. It gets so much better.

Also, never be afraid to try options that may help people with ADHD, different schooling options, home school, start attending college or vocational classes before you graduate. These things can get you away from those bad situations and show you how great life outside of high school can be.

Good luck, I and WE are all here for you,

Neil

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Alex,

Just checking in. How are you doing? Please let us know.

-Neil

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