You sound just like me! I have the hardest time making plans with anyone or staying in touch with them, even by email. I keep up mostly via Facebook. Like you, I'll make plans for lunch or some other outing, but, unless it's something I have to pay for in advance, most of the time I end up cancelling by the date it's scheduled--because I just lose interest. It does make it difficult to maintain friendships for sure, but, again like you, it doesn't really bother me. My fiance and I do a lot together, and I also enjoy time by myself. I've always been pretty introverted anyway, so this works out okay for me. I'm a "people-person" when I need to be (like at a job), but would just as soon keep company with my fiance, and my cats! :)

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I HATE making plans. I might be excited at that moment,but when it's time for dinner/other plans, I'm SO over it! I thought I was being inconsiderate, etc never thought of it being linked to my ADHD. I find this to be a "disease" that's very dibilitating. Keeping commitments, even MD appointments, is a chore. Finding and keeping satisfying work is impossible. It's truly a daily struggle for me.

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I am completely 100% the same. I consistently get angry voicemails from my family including my parents because I cannot stand to answer my cell phone - I prefer to just talk ot text. I usually will unplug my house phone because it irritates me just to hear it ring when Im busy trying to attempt to organize my house or make my to do list for the day. I have 2 best friends that Ive known since the 3rd and 4th grade, they both know I am extremely flaky when it comes to making plans - I will usually cancel on everything. I just constantly feel so busy and though I have the desire to be more outgoing I just feel like I dont have the time or the energy for it.

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I also struggle with maintaining relationships. I wonder, do any of the posters have anxiety? I thought my obstacle could be anxiety related especially with phone/voicemail but even when my anxiety is low or non-existent I can't seem to follow through on friendships and even some business opportunities. My social relationships revolve around structured activities I'm involved in while my "real friends" are left feeling like I'm too busy or not interested as it takes me 6 months to reconnect. This is something I desperately want to change because I crave a loving support network. It's heartbreaking really. I wonder what has worked for someone else?

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exactly me! I don't (can't) call my best friends for 6 months even if I want to. I have phone and contact anxiety apparently. I actually hate telephone, I don't know why. I am not alone. And now I see that it may be an anxiety issue. thanks.

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jslou67... oh, good grief..... we must be twins. I am a people person at work, but just let me get home, and it's a total different story. I become a hermit of sorts.

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I have the social anxiety of big groups I think..and then the commitment thing of specific time/date/plan..BUT I get really angry at my sis, who CONstANtLY cancels on me..lol It feels all mixed up, and getting very sad and lonely as I'm not in a relationship, am very social at work (school) and isolated at home.. the extremes just arent good for me..:>(

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Wow, I am so glad to hear that others feel the same. When my cell rings I actually cringe. Once my outgoing message was "I am not available, please leave a message. Please note that leaving a message does not guarantee an immediate return call, if ever. You have called me at a time that is convenient for you without any regard to if it is convenient for me, I will return you call, if I am so inclined, at a time that is convenient for me." Didn't go over too well, but that is how I feel. I related to all of your posts. I don't so much have anxiety about going out, I am more a spur of the moment person. If someone called and said "hey, lets go bowling, right now!" And if I were in the mood I would be there in five minutes. But if someone calls on Monday and says "hey lets go bowling on Saturday!" I would say yeah, but cancel Saturday morning. Anyhow, I don't know. I have started to tell closer friends about this and it has helped. I have a few friends who know and understand but it is still difficult. Anyhow, since I know that I am not alone, I feel ok.

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I don't mind making dr.appts./hair appts./ etc., but I hate having to commit to a group meeting/gathering same time/same day each week. Obviously I do it for church, small group meetings, etc. but generally I'll decline for other things that might be fun I just prefer to have my time available.

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I can't seem to make plans with people and stick to them either. I always change my mind because when the day comes I am occupied with something I didn't know I'd be occupied with and going to meet or hang out seems far less important. I hate my phone. I never use it. I rarely get phone calls and when I do I usually let them go to voicemail because I know it's something ot someone asking me to do something when I am busy doing something else that I don't want to stop doing, because I feel like I must do this now, or I will forget about it and lose my train of thought, and end up doing something else entirley (I've burned many dinners like this). And I can't just chat. That's too much pressure. I've tried. I'm bad at it. It awkward. I refuse to keep a cheaper phone plan from T-Mobile because I have a really good unlimited loyalty plan and someday I might get lots of phone calls! Then I'll regret not having the plan!

But sometimes I worry. I can stay happily in my head or spend time by myself with no problem. Then I get lonley and wonder why I don't have any friends and no one calls or wonder if my husband misses me.

Tough stuff :(

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I feel so anti-social. My issue is two-fold. I have social phobia and ADD. So if I actually do work myself up to agree to plans for a social outing, I will generally cancel before the date arrives. A group of co-workers at my office used to get together once a month for "chick night" where all the women would have dinner and see a movie. Although I work with all of these women, and know them well.... I hated chick night. I was single at the time, and I woud rather sit at home by myself than go out to dinner and a movie with "friends." I put that in quotations because they really are friends. I like them. They like me. I just don't want to socialize outside of work. I'd rather be left alone at work, too. I spend most of my time, happily lost in my thoughts. I like that. I'm happy there. It's like the shirt I bought that says, "I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here." I am completely and totally happy just being with my daughter and my husband. Period. I'm on Vyvanse, and that seems to work pretty well as far as the focusing goes, but it has done nothing for this.

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MisBhavin, I'm sure you realize that you are under no obligation to socialize with co-workers. It sounds like you are commiting to doing something that you don't want to do just to maintain the friendships outside of the work environment. Perhaps 'chick night' is something you could do once every few months, just for the purpose of nurturing the friendships. In the meantime, it is perfectly ok to say "thanks, I really enjoy you guys, but at the end of a day I enjoy my husband and daughter even more!" Then, once every quarter, take the time to mentally prepare yourself for the girls night out, knowing that you are spending time with them in order to get to know them better, or to share a bit of yourself (not a ton, just a bit--it's less stressful that way). In taking this approach you get the best of both worlds, maximum time with your family, and still time for your friends.

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Seeing all the posts on this subject makes me feel so much better about myself. I wouldn't describe myself as anti-social, but I do not enjoy going out with people other than one or two friends I have known for years. I am retired and knowing how I am I really wondered how I would do in retirement because other than people I worked with my social circle is very limited. For the most part, I enjoy being on my own and have finally decided that it's okay. Joining clubs is not an option. I don't want to be committed to something because at some point I will quit. Emails are a godsend to me because I hate talking on the phone and this way I do keep in touch with people. I have a cell phone but only 2 people have the number and most of the time it is turned off. I'm tired of feeling pressured to socialize so it was good to see that there are others who feel the same way.

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WOW I too avoid talking on the phone, for some reason I just dont like it, I'd rather send and email or cellphone message, and yes I hate it when my cellphone or homephone rings LOL, I dont know why.. I also dont like using MSN or facebook messenger, I mean I use it, but my status is usually set as "busy" or 'away", so that I can just talk to a very few people.

I used to think that I would avoid the few invitations I get because I get anxious prior almost any event, maybe because of all the little awkward moments I've experienced throughout the years growing up, now, if I dont feel like it, I simply wont go, I know its bad for my almost null social life, but its really difficult to deal with.

Also,I usually get along with the people that are close to the things I do, like in highschool I would hang out with a couple friends AT school, but rarely hang out with them outside. In collegue I get along with people at the university but almost never get to see them in other contexts. and I f I have to stay longer for other extracurricular events, I simply go home. If someone I dont like is going, I rather be by myself at home than deal with an unpleasant event or unpleasant people. Also, if Im goint to arribe there alone, I'd rather not go.

I study and work full time, so when the weekend comes, I just want to stay home and do nothing by myself or with my family, I'm usually mentally and fisically tired by the weekend to get in touch with friends and people I know. My mom and brother are actually used to me going out every other weekend or less. Although they do get more exited than me when I do choose to go out to parties and reunions LOL, notice my brother has always been a very social and popular guy.

So is this because of ADHD? Does anyone know why? or if medication can help to not be like this all the time??

I mean Its been years of these behaviors, so I'm basically used to it, but I do feel bad about it most of the time, cause I've lost touch of many friends, and lets face it, I do have a hard time making and keeping friends/boyriends, and the whole point of living is to relate to other people, I simply dont want to be alone one day.

I actually dont understand how all of you (fellow adders) have spouses and kids, cause for me it is extremely dificult to have a boyfriend, its been years literally and Im not even 30 years old. maybe I have other issues besides ADHD that make it difficult for me to get into a relationship. =S

opps, sorry for my rambling, lol =)

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My husband bugs me to make more friends. Wow, that is a ridiculous amount of effort! I have 313 Facebook friends, isn't that good enough? I have one friend in town who I can really share with and one far away. I'm good with that. Over the last few months I made a conscious effort to invite people over (SO much planning,cooking, cleaning, etc..) or try to go out to dinner with couple friends (often planned at the last minute). One night we had FOUR couples turn us down to go out for dinner. I don't like to make the phone calls and be told no. I had people cancel for a dozen reasons, too. It felt like SO much effort to plan to socialize to have it not work. On the upside I have ended up having many dates alone with my husband. Fortunately I really like him!

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I am SO happy to have stumbled across this thread - isn't it wonderful to find others just like you so you don't think you're the only miscontent in the world? I dislike socializing, too, but don't mind a small group of close friends. I hate making appointments, period, and so have fallen in love with quick oil change places and Supercuts - no appointments necessary! I'm always late and I have a terrible sense of time. I wear a watch and try to remember to set timers so I'll get out the door on time, but I forget to set the timers! I get caught up in stuff at work, then am late for a therapy session, or late for a deadline, even though I make up these to-do lists with due dates and post them right in front of me on the wall. I am neat with papers, but if something doesn't get written down in an accessible place, it doesn't get done! Verbal directives are quickly forgotten, so I have to force myself to pay attention and remember to write them down right away. But I often get distracted by something else and forget. I hate the phone, too - I thought I was the only one! I wonder if it's because we can't see the other person and need those visual cues to maintain the conversation. You can't have silences on the phone, either, like you can in person, so it forces you to talk even though you might not have anything to say at that moment. I also hate just talking - I'd lke to be doing something else, so often talk on the phone while I'm on the computer, playing games with the sound turned off, or checking e-mails. So happy to join this "club" and know that I'm not alone!! Too bad we couldn't all be friends - we understand each other and wouldn't be put out by cancellations, tardiness, and no phone calls - lol!

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I thought it was just me! I'm a mental health therapist, I do fine at work but in my personal life I'm known to say "I hate people" I sometimes wish people would just leave me alone! But then I miss them - I get it, I'm sorry other people are coping with this, but I'm relieved I'm not alone!

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I thought it was just me! I'm a mental health therapist, I do fine at work but in my personal life I'm known to say "I hate people" I sometimes wish people would just leave me alone! But then I miss them - I get it, I'm sorry other people are coping with this, but I'm relieved I'm not alone!

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May be you don't really need these people if you are not happy when they call. I often feel lonely and ussually happy if someone call me.

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