Posting a reply to my own question, YES, advocates really do help. If not for my son's advocate the school still would not have tested him. It is SAD that schools make parents feel as if they have no other recourse.

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I have dealt with a lot of advocates in my days as the guy working for the school district. Advocates can be an invaluable resource or they can be completely counter-productive. (and everything in -between)

In California, there are thee pages of regulations on who may be a licensed manicurist, but anyone can call themselves an advocate or educational consultant.

This means that there is no consistent standard of who they are or what their knowledge base it.... some are people who are just p*ed off at school districts and use this as a platform to get back.

When advocates help - They give you a third-party perspective, on your behalf, especially when emotions are running high. When the district is not taking care of business and they need the advocate to keep them on top of their job. When they have a knowledge base to hook you up with resources and help you understand the system and the disability better.

When they are not productive - When they have a "more is always better" or "one size fits all" approach to what kids need. When they talk more about their experiences as a parent/student than asking questions about your unique individual. When they start out unnecessarily adversarial with a "it is the only way to get anything done" attitude to the point where school staff is more focused on fighting them versus serving your child. example http://askdreric-schoolpsychologist.blogspot.com/2010/09/does-fear-of-litigation-make-educators.html

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I actually agree with Dr. Eric. Some advocates are very effective. Some are not.

That said, here is what I do to be the most effective advocate for the parents.

1. I find out exactly what the goal is PRIOR to being retained. Often times parents come to me and they are upset, emotional and feel really beat up. I find out what they want to accomplish and go after that goal with surgical precision. (as opposed to just going into a meeting and arguing about everything.)

2. I also believe I am taken more seriously by school districts (than other advocates) because I actually file and represent parents in due process hearings in the cases where the school districts don't do the right thing. For example, I recently had a client who has been for three years trying to get her son to be determined to be eligible for ESE/IEP services. (She had used two other advocates too.) I filed a due process hearing request and within two weeks we had a resolution meeting. He is now been deemed eligible for ESE services.

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