This all very new for me and I'm hoping for some advice on what I should do. I am 39 years old and never had a diagnosis as a child. The only memory I have from my childhood where I had any involvement with a mental health specialist was my elementary school counselor and it was a fairly short period of time in which I was seeing him. I don't remember much about it except that I was having trouble with some of the other kids. I would get easily upset and emotional and it was a little disruptive in class. It bothers me that I don't remember more. It seems that I should. I only remember one particular session with him where he had asked me to draw a picture of my family. I got completely distracted once I started drawing. Once I was done I gave it to him and it was a drawing of something else completely. I had completely forgotten what he had asked me to draw. Looking back at my childhood I do remember being very hyper and easily distracted. Because of this I had a difficult time in school. My mind would wander a lot unless I was very interested in the subject. Because of this I did very well in a couple of subjects but would get lost, behind and frustrated with much of the school work. Reading and math were especially difficult. It wasn't that I had trouble reading it was that I would read a page and then have no idea what I just read. It would take me a very long time to read a book because I would have to read pages multiple times and could only read a little at a time. I would get frustrated and have to do something else. Unfortunately my Mother passed away a few years ago so I can't discuss this with her. I'm sure she would have been able to answer a lot of questions for me. I am planning to approach my Father but unfortunately I don't think he will be as much help as my Mother would have been. Back when I was a child I don't even recall ever hearing the term ADHD which could explain why this was never addressed back then. I could go on forever but I will just try to explain as short as possible what it is like for me at this point. I am still extremely hyper. I have a very difficult time sitting still. When I have to I am still always moving. Concentration is very difficult as well. My attention moves on to other things. At work I find myself moving from one thing to the next until it gets to the point where I am doing a million things at once. This makes it difficult to focus on one thing and get it completed. I also talk way to much and have to really hold back to not interupt people. I do the same thing at home. Disorganization drives me crazy. I hate clutter and it causes me to have trouble finding things. The problem is I will spend hours trying to clean up and organize things but I get started on one thing and get constantly distracted by the next. Because of that I never really get it done. I spent many years drinking lots of coffee and smoking cigarettes. I seemed that when I drink a lot of coffee it would give me the ability to get more done at work. I used to think it was giving me "energy" to get things done but after reading about the stimulation affects of caffeine and nicotine I wonder if it just helps with focus. I never feel like I can truly relax. I'm always restless and tense. Kind of like the feeling you have watching a horror film or walking through a haunted house knowing that something is going to jump out at any moment. Just really on edge and tense. Because of this am very irritable. Little things will get on my nerves much easier than they should. No patience. I recently went to a psychiatrist and explained all of this to him. He asked me a lot of questions mostly for checklists. He felt that I have ADHD and gave me 20mg Ritalin to try three times a day. He said to just try it and see what it does. We could then determine what should be done next. Further evaluation I guess. It has been about a week and a half and I'm back and forth with the effectiveness. I still feel quite hyper but I do think it is helping me focus better. Still wound up but more focused energy so I am able to complete tasks easier. Especially at work. Because I am so wound up all the time and my mind is always going I also have a tough time sleeping. I will take Xanax sometimes at night which relaxes me very quickly and helps me to easily fall asleep.

What bothers me is the trial and error. I really don't like taking pills and I want to be sure of what I really have going on. I think I really need to have a full comprehensive evaluation so I can be sure and get the right treatment. Even if it is ADHD there are many different medications and different doses. If I have to take medication, I want to know that I am taking the right thing (and amount) for me. I live in eastern massachusetts. Does anyone have a recommendation for who I could see that specializes in adult ADHD so I know I get the right diagnoses? Sorry for such a long message.

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