I know exactly how you feel. My family is constantly making snide comments about me being late or disorganized etc. i'm having a very hard time swallowing it lately. The bigger problem is that they don't even believe in ADD so they think I'm just lazy and not trying hard enough. I just feel like no matter what I do it's not good enough for them and I'm always walking on egg-sheels and anxious over thank you cards, being late or cleaning up after my husband (who also has ADD). It's painful. If i get upset, they also say "your problem is you're so oversensitive." It hurts.

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I have the same issues. I've always had money issues, partly because of being underemployed most of my life (self-confidence issues) and lack of skills managing the little money I do have. Planning ahead has never been a strong point for me, but it's something I'm working hard on daily now. I don't know many people who do "get" ADHD or think it's a real disorder. People just try to tell me how to manage my life better by offering suggestions. Duh! I know what I need to do...I just have problems getting to that point w/out getting sidetracked. My counselor, who I was seeing for marriage therapy, sometimes questions me about why I think I have ADHD as opposed to simply having issues involving self-confidence and repeating old patterns from childhood that I learned. I'm beginning to wonder if she believes ADHD is a real condition too.

Anyway, I don't know if I'll ever change the opinion of my family after nearly 50 years of life, but all that matters to me is that I am determined to become more self-sufficient, confident and organized for myself, not anyone else. It's hard not to feel hurt at times. They're just people, not perfect people ;)

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I don't just feel like it, I am the family joke. I'm sick and tired of family saying things like, "You know your brain doesn't work right." "When are you going to decide what to do with your life?" "Why can't you ever finish something?" "I have to nag or you won't do it."

I hear about people with disabilities that have loving, compassionate families and friends and I actually get jealous. Nobody in my family gets it, or me. <sigh>

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After living most of the last 20 years thousands of miles from my family, I spent a weekend with my sisters at a vacation house, and it took me right back to a childhood of being the "day-late-and-dollar-short... if your head wasn't attached... scatterbrained... loser" sister. I always had the ability to laugh it off, but since growing up, having a family, learning about ADD and exploring how my particular "wiring" issues have creative advantages: being an artist, developing a product and building a business that supports my family; and certain disadvantages: difficulties with organization, time, and keeping track of important things like keys, money, and documents, I'm no longer laughing with any mean-spirited jokes at my expense. My friends know me and love me just the way I am. As for my family...some do, and some don't. I still love them the way they are...rigid and judgemental, or just uninformed...whatever!

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Family or not you shouldn't be around people who continually put you down. I recommend you work hard at moving into your own place and have some distance from your family. I know that might be a difficult decision to make but it will ultimately be healthier for you. And you don't need to share your financial information or anything else personal with anyone. Best to you.

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Life with my ADHD sister.

She misinterprets what people say & misreads their body language. Unfortunately the conclusion she jumps to becomes the “truth” and she reacts accordingly.

She is too sensitive. I’ve made comments that have nothing to do with her, but she reacts as if I intentionally insulted her.

She “reads minds” - and gets it wrong. She called me to ask for an opinion; before I could say anything she was upset/angry. She said “so you think that ….” and she went on to say something derogatory about herself.

Being around my sister is like being around a teenage girl - lots of moodiness and drama.

Njtheaterchick - you might want to try on-line banking (if it is available at your bank) and a software program (such as Quicken).

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Caffeine addict, it's interesting to hear your perspective. I almost felt as if you were talking about me. My mother has told me for years I'm overly sensitive. I always feel like people are mad at me. Perhaps that comes from years of disappointing people. I expect it now, so I anticipate letting people down and as a result have already begun punishing myself for being stupid, forgetful, thoughtless, careless, etc. before I've had the chance to disappoint.

I have become used to hearing phrases like these since I was a little girl and even now: "What planet are you on?" "You don't make any sense." "You'd lose your butt if it wasn't fastened on." "You probably don't remember this, but..."

I've had a rough time and know it's a self-defeating way to live. I'm divorced and feel like that's my fault, too. Life hasn't been much fun at all. I'm supposed to be together for my kids and I'm so not. I feel like a mess. I do okay with my checkbook, though. Go figure. Sometimes I barely squeak by and I get the guilts when my sister's great money managing skills are praised. I should be using coupons, etc. I feel like I'll never measure up.

With any luck (and medication for the first time in my life) maybe things will start to look up. It's been a couple weeks and I don't see much improvement, but I've been told we'll increase as we go along and see where that balance lies. I will admit, I'm down and replying to this post became somewhat of a venting session. Sorry all.

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I hope the meds work.

If you are seeing a therapist too, I have a suggestion. See if a friend or a sibling could talk to the therapist, or write a letter regarding your behavior. You may not be aware of some of the things you are doing. A friend/sibling's input could help a therapist develop a better treatment plan.

Good luck!

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Some really great suggestions. Sounds like time to move up or move out!

You asked your mom to simply repay you. Think about how you asked - because that is important to how you may be setting yourself up or allowing others to set you up. Did you offer the explanation or make excuses first? (in other words - did you make yourself an ez target?) Did you remember to keep it simple? "I wondered if you could repay the money I loaned you for Christmas. Do you think I could have it by Friday."

You were NOT asking for money. That was very cruel of her to twist your request and make that accusation.

If she asks why you want the money - or twists it into why do you NEED $$$ - she does not need to know! I just wondered when you could repay me mom.

If she attacks with a put down - as she did - simply say the truth Mom, that hurt my feelings. I was only asking if you could repay me. I don't think you mean to hurt me, but when you say things like that and put me down I am very hurt.

If moving up in this manner does not help, it is time to move out. You need people around you that understand and support you. Good luck!

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Hi there,

So sorry to hear about your experiences with your family.

Michele Novotni, Ph.D., the former president and CEO of the national Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), psychologist, coach, parent of a young adult with ADD/ADHD, and ADDitude magazine writer has this answer:

Family counseling could be helpful in situations where certain members of the family do not understand and choose to make fun of other members of the family with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD), learning disabilities (LD), or other different abilities. In functional families, everyone generally supports and encourages each other. Perhaps your family doesn’t understand the brain-based challenges you are struggling with. Information about your disorders from a counselor could validate your challenges and stop their behavior.

If they won’t participate in counseling, protect yourself by not sharing more information than you need to. For example, you could have asked your mom to repay the money she borrowed and not say why you needed it. Or you could have said, “I’m running a little short,” without giving her an explanation. Individual counseling -- with or without your family -- could help you deal with the emotional fallout from having ADD/ADHD.

Hope this helps!

Mary

Web Editor

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worse everyday it seems lately. the weakest link. so much to say . but it's all been said before , just more of the same..

pouts

i'd pull my hair out but as i've done that before and have made some sort of incremental progress , i have learned that this is not... the best way to a. style one's hair unless you are very punk rock. and b. it just Renforces the weak link thing. i see them building that "thunderdome" cage for me out back. don't think i don't =P

oek

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I have the same issue, I am constantly loosing things, forgetting anything I don't write down and also I am constantly yelled at from my parents because I can't control my money.

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My husband doesn't like that I have adhd and that I take medication for it, it makes him uncomfortable so he won't talk about it with me and he won't learn about it (me). He does believe that it is real and that I have it, but I think he sees it as a weakness, I don't see it that way. BUT, if I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off, not completeing sentences he asks if I have taken my medication. So while my taking medication for my adhd bothers him, he would go crazy living with me if I weren't on medication.

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