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Been there done that
Don't doubt yourself. I've had VERY similar issues with my daughter, and I'm sorry to say, I do not believe for one moment that the fact that your daughter is getting picked on AND her teacher is reflecting a bad attitude in the same year is any kind of coincidence. My daughter was horribly bullied ----until I held the school ACCOUNTABLE. Period. She isn't the most popular girl in class, but she's making friends and well on her way to being a well-rounded, safe, healthy person, only because I drew out what the real problem was. HAVE NO DOUBT that while most teachers and other educational professionals in the school really are "professional" and well meaning, you WILL bump into the kind that will do every sneaky ugly thing imaginable to point your daughter out as the "class scapegoat", usually because said person, in they're ignorance, takes her lack of attention to them personally. I have actually found that female teachers, between 20-35, with no kids of their own, and who have personalities that are, shall we say, very detail-oriented? are the most prone to making a negative environment for my daughter, and for the entire class, as they try harder and harder to "teach her a lesson" about "acting like that". etc. You have to bring to the surface what's really going on, and not buy the BS. Making a public spectacle about being late for an assignment is LIKELY to result in a bullying incident against your daughter, by her classmates, who are, quite frankly, still young enough to be very very very influenced by this negative opinion of your daughter that's been put right in front of them. I would be documenting all of these incidents in class, the bullying, what you and your daughter have done to try to get resolution to the matter, and then taking it up the ladder, even to your school district, until it's dealt with honestly. You shouldn't have to convince each teacher that your daughter's diagnosis is real, questioning it is just a way to put you on the defensive.
One "in road" to getting this addressed, and bringing the real problems to light, may be to request "social goals" be implemented in your daughter's IEP. You may also outline a list of "do's and don'ts" in regards to helping her be seen in a better light by her peers. It's not her teacher's job to purposefully ruin your daughter's chances to make friends, regardless of her little opinion of your daughter's diagnosis. It's also not her job to decide whose "worth" educating or not. You need to question the seriously skewed way 'information" about your daughter's difficulties is being presented to you, and you want to start pointing out to the school what they're responsibilities are. If you know your kids' not the one causing trouble (and deep down, parents do, even when they are in denial about it) don't accept it when your told that she's "bringing it on herself". BE A TROUBLEMAKER!!! I can't say it enough. Question everything, ask for written copies of teacher's comments, ask for weekly or even daily communication regarding your daughter's progress, until everyone knows nobody's getting by with anything underhanded. If she's really not communicating effectively with her peers, guess what? The school is supposed to be helping with that, not crucifying her for it, or crucifying you for it, either. How is she going to get a chance to learn effective communication, problem solving, conflict resolution, etc, if she's always isolated? You want to remember how it was in the "old days" of education, where kids with labels (deserving of them or not) were immediately separated from the rest. There are a still some educators left that would LOVE to go back to that, no matter how many lives it may have ruined, and your daughter's been carrying a label from the word go. I'm not saying to be paranoid here, but the reality is, ignorance and prejudice regarding labels such as IEP's (special education) are still alive and kicking in today's schools. They are just as prevalent and damaging as any other. If the adult in the classroom is treating your daughter like a second-class citizen, then just like racism was tolerated, just like Jewish people were openly mistreated, just like any other prejudice born of ignorance, your daughter's classmates will also see her and treat her as second-class. This can get down right dangerous as the years go by. Left unchecked, that mess can drive her to drop out of school, or you to pull her out and try to educate her yourself, to save her the emotional pain of being mistreated. Don't let it get to that. Nip it in the bud. Call it what it is, document it so it's taken seriously. then keep going up up up until it's addressed. What you've already said is painting quite a picture. There's already a precedent being set for blaming your daughter first, looking for answers later. Stop that in it's tracks and turn it the other way around. Why are bullying incidents being tolerated? Everyone says they have a "zero tolerance" policy, but most of the time, it just means they don't tolerate anyone COMPLAINING about the bullying, and calling it for what it is. A bunch of boys ganging up on your daughter is BULLYING. Pure and simple. Humiliating her in front of her classmates for being late for an assignment is not only failing to teach her the SKILLS she needs to be on time, it's also a form of bullying. BE THE PARENT that stops it, for her, and other classmates that are likely going through the same thing. Sorry she got such a sorry excuse for a teacher this year. I know I sound harsh, but after what my daughter's been through, I have "zero tolerance" for that garbage going on at all. I can tell you that things got better for my daughter, and I can also tell you that it wasn't even remotely easy.
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15 Jan 2011 @ 11:53 PM
23 Jan 2011 @ 4:14 PM