Hi Tracy,

I struggle with dwindling friendships myself, because not only do I LOATHE making phone calls, but because I am just not motivated to keep up on them. My best friend lives in a different state and because of how life is (work, school, kids, ADD) we don't talk as much as we used to. I space out or ramble on when we get on the phone and then realize I forgot to touch on what I really wanted to. I also notice that I don't like the phone because I get so impatient waiting for someone to finish a story, or I can't sit still during the conversation. I tend to slack on email correspondence so I've had to find other ways....

Send cards - I send 'thinking of you cards" now and then. I jot down what's new in my life and let her know I'm thinking of her..maybe include some pictures. I browse the cards when I'm out shopping and pick up a few that I find amusing. I've accepted the fact I probably won't get around to sending them right away but at least I will have them on hand.

Buy a Bluetooth - I refuse to wear it in public, but when I can talk on the phone and fold laundry or make dinner, I find the phone much less torturous. Us ADD'ers are overwhelmed by "how much there is to do" - and phone calls cut into us "doing and organizing" so if I can multi-task I feel a little better.

Set a time limit - I have a friend who takes 30 minutes to tell the simplest story - he gives me every single unnecessary detail and not only do I get impatient, but I have trouble following him!! It makes me DREAD calling him...now I often start the convo by telling him how much time I have to talk... "I thought I'd call and say hi...I don't have much time to talk, maybe 30 minutes or so, but I miss you and would love to play a quick catch up". Set a kitchen timer if you have to. If you get off the phone before you are aggravated or annoyed, it will lessen your anxiety over the next time you call.

Keep a running list of things you want to talk about or ask your friend about. I know it may sound silly at first, but it does help....especially since we tend to be forgetful (or think we can rely on just our memory). This way you can be sure you don't forget something important. I suffer from feeling socially inadequate and awkward, even with my closest of friends, so I totally understand how you feel. Also, I jot stuff down when we talk... stuff she has going on or coming up, her husbands upcoming job interview, or her child's b-day party she's planning - this way I remember to ask her about it next time we chat. She confessed once she thought I wasn't listening or that what she was saying wasn't important - which of course wasn't true. Helloooo ADD! At first I felt so stupid for having to do this - but you gotta get over that and realize that you're doing what you need to do to HELP the friendship. It's nothing to be ashamed about.

You mentioned you will be starting meds soon - make your calls when your meds kick in. For me, I feel much more in sync, focused and interested in the conversation - this is a plus to both you and your friend.

Hope this helped you at least a little bit.

Good luck and warmest regards, GiGi

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Hello GiGi,

thank you for sharing not only your personal experiences, but also for giving me valued advice. Reading this feels so familiar and I am more confident now. I will make lists. I am even thinking of carrying a little sketchbook with me, since questions like :"How has you week been so far?" make my thoughts scatter. I do wander around the house as it calms me down, but actually getting things done would be most helpful. Another friend of mine does not just call in order to talk , she follows her agenda, after a while forgets to converse & one will hear sole background rustling. Still, having someone on the phone is very important to her .I endure, but I am exhausted afterwards. A time limit will improve future calls, another tip I needed badly, thank you so much. I am grateful to have gotten so much help from someone who can relate to what feels awkward at times, thanks again for sharing, GiGi. I am sure your friends always feel appreciated, receiving actual mail with technology all round us is something special.

All the best & A Happy New Year! May there be numerous joyful moments with friends.

Tracy

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