Hi Angel. Don't despair. I met a group of guys in my neighborhood I moved to about a year ago. After a few months I decided to tell them. I was asked a few questions and that was the extent of the discussion. I felt I needed to tell them because of my tardiness and lack of follow-through at times. I've noticed a change in these friendships as some of my shortcomings are written now.

As for life-long friends, I told them too. It's never come up again since their use to my behaviors.

I would encourage you

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Hi Angel. It sounds like you've never been officially diagnosed or have you? Do you take any medication?

Don't despair. I met a group of guys in my neighborhood I moved to about a year ago. After a few months I decided to tell them. I was asked a few questions and that was the extent of the discussion. I felt I needed to tell them because of my tardiness and lack of follow-through at times. I've noticed a change in these friendships as some of my shortcomings are written off now.

As for life-long friends, I told them too. It's never come up again since they're use to my behaviors.

I would encourage you reflect on how important it is to have friends to reach out to, especially non-ADD, as it provides perspective for the dilemmas we face. So, think about how you can approach the topic and fine-tune it to each one of your friend's personalities so they can appreciate the obstacles you deal with on a daily basis and how you think.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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Thanx so much for the response. No, I have yet to be 'officially' diagnosed. One of my closest girlfriends already had a feeling that I had it because her daughter has it. In fact my sister & niece has it too. We all probably got it from our dads because I know my mother doesn't have it. The closest friend, which I will name Carol here, seems to understand but only to a point. She never really had her daughter under the care of a doctor, no meds or counselor/therapist for her. And even though I've known her since my high school years, she still doesn't seem to get that I have certain needs, not just as an ADHDer but as a female/woman. I know I ask alot at times(ask my husband, lol) but being that she & I live in separate states and can only communicate online(cheaper than phone for both of us) it is very difficult to get certain points across to her when she can't hear me or see my face. She really is a REAL friend for the most part but if I needed a strong, wise person or even just an insightful person to go to, well, sorry but it's not her. My other friend whom I've known a bit less is critical & insensitive at times (to me anyways, lol). I guess upon thinking this through, I do have my sister who would really be the only one I could more than likely count on for most, if not all, of the support I need. She struggles through alot of things like I do & I'm very grateful that she lives a few hours away the next state over so she will be the one I will 'bug' for some insight for the next few years & hopefully we can get a plan going for the inevitable. Maybe I need to reach out more too & trust more ppl with getting to know the REAL me & not just the ADHD me. Thanx again, Angel

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Hey Angel, First of all congratulations. You have taken the first baby steps toward ending your isolation and finding real friends. I'm so happy for you because you are now at the beginning of creating a warm and loving circle of support. Your post touched me for two reasons: I am a survivor of childhood abuse and I have adhd. What do I want to share with you? Don't under estimate the destructive power of knowing that you are not believed by your family. It is my continuing struggle to trust and reach out to people after being abused by my family. My ability to trust anyone was undermined. Knowing that adults are only human is a heavy burden for someone (a child) who wants to believe in Santa Claus and 'Happily ever after'. Think about that. Adhd doesn't help but it does not compel you, me, or anyone else to pull away from other human beings. That's not ADHD. That's something else.

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Hi Angel, An official diagnosis can be helpful, but the first thing I would tell you is that having ADHD means you are perfectly normal. It also means that you will be creative in how you process information and how you organize your life. It won't be the way a non-ADHD person runs things, but that is fine. Thank goodness that you/me/we don't have to be just like anyone else! Here's the best part, ADHD does not have to rule how you percieve yourself and you can actually learn how to embrace your ADHD self. You talk of needing a real friend, and I would really encourage you to start with being a friend to yourself. You're not a kid in the slow class any more (and it might help to forgive educators who didn't know what else to do back then or who just did the wrong thing), you are a woman with a wonderful husband and an active life, free from abuse. Your family might never believe you--I would encouarage you to find a professional therapist (available at a very low fee or sometimes free) to help you work through the effects of the abuse so you can learn to let it be something that happened in the past instead of something that still hangs over you. Your husband learned to change, and that is so much more important than any other family "getting it." Your fears about losing your husband? Work out a plan with him NOW that addresses your financial well being and your physical, mental and emotional future. That way, you can rest easier knowing that those items have been handled, and you can enjoy the present time that you have together. And the friend thing? Don't worry about having deep relationships with other women. Liking yourself will make you a more available friend in the event something happens to your husband. Trying to prepare yourself for the "what ifs" in life can consume so much of your time an energy. Just focus on the practical things that need to be done (get a will and power of attorney, healthcare directive, etc.) and then enjoy each day as the gift that it is.

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Journal your thoughts and feelings daily for 3 months. Find a qualified psychiatrist/psychopharmacologist (do research on that person). Bring him or her the journal. Ask that professional if joining a 12 step group might benefit you. Changing patterns of a lifetime involve changing our subconscious mind, so therapy groups work. It is the working with all the factors in your life that allow you to pursue your personal growth. Happy New Year.

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A great deal is in our expectations.... I haven't done well with close friends ... don't follow through with as much as i should (though I'm always trying to do better).. Shy, just don't trust. My son, on the other hand, laughs when he gets kidded re his ADD and has long-term brothers forever type friends... and female friends too. He's in his 30's. ADD for girls was really separating in school and no help was available ... teachers just passed us through. It is lonely, being without a best friend, though I do have my sister who lives pretty far away... but we talk. I wish I could help you...I can say, I understand. s

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For something better than online chat, and cheaper than regular phone calls, I recommend you get Skype, you and your friend who is out of state. It is free, and with a web cam, you can even see each other.

Another option for inexpensive phone service, local and long-distance, is Magic Jack. It costs about $40 to get the little box (USB) to connect to your computer and to a regular phone, and then only $20 a year for local and long distance. You do have to have high-speed Internet connection (DSL or Cable), and a cell phone for back up in case of power outages. But, reception is great. I've even called Australia, and can hear just fine (you have to buy an International minutes package for International calls).

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