This question has perplexed me as well. Tell them too early and you chase them away. Tell them too late and they find out the hard way. I'm thinking if you've gone on a few dates and you still want to see more of each other is a good time to bring it up. I've been toying with the idea of sending them to a forum like this so that they can get an understanding of what ADHD really means. Most people only have a superficial understanding if they believe it exists at all. Hopefully someone will have a better opinion.

So how are you meeting these women?

Quote

so it's 2:15 in the morning and I'm procrastinating on a paper for a class - I just checked this website out today for the first time and already it feels like home!

my advice: get to know the person, go on a few dates, but when you feel like you need to talk about it: be open and honest. You don't have to usher the conversation in like you're talking about cancer or anything. you are talking about a slightly different way of thinking, and some different habits and personality flaws. Everyone, adhd/add or not has them. if she's worth your time, she should be an understanding gal.

was the divorce really about your behaviors due to the ADD? if they were, obviously that's probably something you'll need to work through at some point before a successful relationship can be built again. but I'm under the impression that most people understand that it takes two in a marriage and that it's not just one partner's fault.

what types of treatment are you on/looking into for ADD? I'm an ADHD'r, so not completely sure what the differences are. I do know that men and women manifest them in different ways.

Quote

Ok, so I've had alot of perspective in the last couple of weeks through experience and here is what my plan of action moving forward is: 1) date as many women as possible, 2) don't sweat the ADD speech and 3)let go of all insecurities that are attributed to ADD . I'll disect these further.

1) In the last 2 weeks I've gone out with 4 different women with varying degrees of confidence, intelligence and patience. I'm starting to discover what type of woman is a good match for me if I ever wanted to settle down. I even mentioned to one of the woman that I have ADD, knowing I wasn't planning on seeing her again and curious about her reaction/questions. She asked some questions about it and didn't make a fuss. I plan on dating and being single for awhile so I can see what personalities clash and what work with me.

2) When I say don't sweat the speech, it's not because I've had this conversation with someone I want to move forward with, rather I'm not letting it define me. I'm putting myself out there for all to see, with the caveat that at times I might be a pain, I might be late on a project or tempermental at times because I've procrastinated so long that the pressure is on and blowing off steam.

3) Thankfully my soon to be ex-wife and I are being amicable about our divorce, any other way would of made me defensive and reinforced some insecurities I had about myself. I've learned to let go of my insecurities and start with a clean slate. Insecurities I've noticed is what will prevent you from either meeting or moving forward with anyone. No need to let them creep in and form any kind of foundation of how your dating/sex life will be.

@Greenman - I'm meeting these women by approaching all of them wherever I am. I'm no Casanova, just determined. It's been awhile since I've been in the game and I used to have a pretty good rap back in the day. I tried using some of my methods that were successful for me back then and modified it for relevance.

All you need to know Greenman is that if you come off confident in your words and actions, you will get dates. I make sure I'm deliberate with everything I say and do. I do it without ego or attitude.

Greenman, I'd be more than happy to discuss this further with some specific things I do that definitely works. I've created a gmail account for you to reach out to me if you like, finallyhavefun@gmail.com.

Quote

Quote:

light@end_of_tunnel said: so it's 2:15 in the morning and I'm procrastinating on a paper for a class - I just checked this website out today for the first time and already it feels like home!

my advice: get to know the person, go on a few dates, but when you feel like you need to talk about it: be open and honest. You don't have to usher the conversation in like you're talking about cancer or anything. you are talking about a slightly different way of thinking, and some different habits and personality flaws. Everyone, adhd/add or not has them. if she's worth your time, she should be an understanding gal.

was the divorce really about your behaviors due to the ADD? if they were, obviously that's probably something you'll need to work through at some point before a successful relationship can be built again. but I'm under the impression that most people understand that it takes two in a marriage and that it's not just one partner's fault.

what types of treatment are you on/looking into for ADD? I'm an ADHD'r, so not completely sure what the differences are. I do know that men and women manifest them in different ways.

What you say is true in terms of marriage but here is my experience. When you take a person, like my wife, who is regimented/organized/here and now thinker, and pair them up with someone who procrastinates/disheveled/conceptualizes and looks at the big picture, you are bound to have conflict and conflict on a frequent level. Other contributing factors is going through marriage with those qualities for 8 years and then receiving a diagnosis one day of ADD was the equivalent of a 'get out of jail card' and caused resentment on my ex-wifes part. By this point there are so many layers of distrust and inconsistencies of promises that it is too difficult to peal them. The feelings that were once shared have dissipated and at that point it seems like most things are done in vain. It wasn't a productive environment for my 6 year old son.

In regards to treatment, I like that I can tell you this with the understanding you can relate which in itself is so refreshing. I have no friends with ADD. My initial treatment was 40mg Adderall XR in the morning and a 20mg Adderall in the late afternoon. I currently take the 40mgs only several times/week and rarely take the 20mgs anymore. Here is what led to that:

1) I've practice Transcendental Meditation (TM) for the last 6 months (started a thread on here to guage other people's experiences before I tried it). This one method alone has changed my life. I'm much more calmer, motivated and ambitious today because of it. It's not a religion or philosophy, just a technique. I believe this is the main reason for my medication adjustment.

2) Exercise. They say it often for a reason. It provides equilibrium of the mind.

3) Fish oil. This is the only thing I haven't done consistently to be able to recommend, but I've read the clinical studies and it seems promising. I'm starting to incorporate this back into my regimen. I take OmegaBrite because of the 10:1 ratio of EHA to DHA, which is believed to be the therapeutic levels required to achieve noticeable differences in treatment of ADD.

4) This last one is not a recommendation, but more of reflection, for treating ADD and needs to be looked at objectively. I started to partake in Cannabis again. Before this, I smoked about 16 years ago and now I partake on a regular basis. I can easily stop when I want as I'm going through right now because I'm looking for a new career. I don't anticipate smoking for another 3 months or so. I've used the word perspective several times in my posts and cannabis is the greatest supplier of it. I'm calmer, open-minded and appreciate the things in life on a much grander scale. I'm not a naive stoner, but feel that medicinal marijuana should be researched more in relation to treating ADD because I've had so many positive effects. For me it works but with a different mechanism of action from Adderall. Its not something I take to go to work obviously, it's more so when I get home. There are alot of inexperienced critics that plant the seed of doubt through propaganda, assumptions and the fact that it is going through prohibition, hence it must be bad. Keep this in mind, I'm a 35 year old male that wears a suit everyday with a high salaried position at a respected company. I say this because as ADDers we need bottom lines and visuals, so I'm painting this picture to demonstrate that people that use Cannabis come from all walks of life. I don't know why I went to great lengths to justify the use rather than the effects, but I guess this is the society I live in and feel I need to be defensive without receiving criticism for it yet.

Quote

I know what it's like not to know. This is the reason for my lenghty posts as someone who has just been diagnosed might read this and can hopefully walk away feeling satiated. I'm surprised at how little information there is about Adult ADD and felt discouraged when I was at the point of reading other people's experiences via forums.

Quote

I agree, but more research, and less condemnation, is needed for cannabis. I don't consider it a dangerous drug for adults, and it has been shown to be beneficial in some medical situations, such as cancer. I can see how it could be helpful, in moderation, in ADHD, too. But more research needs to be done. It should be up to the individual to decide how to use it in treatment, perhaps as part of an alternative treatment.

Quote

Try online dating site for people with ADHD. addultpartner.com

Quote