Not sure if this is the place to post, but I need some serious advice. taking deep breath

My son (who is ADHD) just turned 8 this weekend past. Every year since he was born his dad has not missed a birthday. His dad and I are divorced. We have gotten along really well until recently. My ex has a new woman in his life that won't let him talk to me, doesn't want to hear my name etc. That's fine, she doesn't need too. However, because I find her to be very rude an inconsiderate (let me clarify - NO jealousy as I am happy as a clam in a relationship) I do not want her in my home. Which I clearly stated to my ex. He accepted that, until this weekend past. Now, let me clarify something else, my ex is the type of dad who pops in and out when he feels like it, wreaking havok on our son's life.

So, over the weekend, I called my ex to clarify that he was coming to the birthday celebrations, and was informed that he was but his new girlfriend is coming also. He didn't ask me if she could come - he TOLD me she was coming. I reminded him of our previous conversation, he said he didn't remember. Then told me that if she couldn't come with him, he wasn't coming either. I told him if that's how you really feel, you can explain it to your son. His reply was " ok, I'll tell him...I'll tell him that you didn't want me there so I can't come". I ended the phone call I was so angry.

So, he compromised and agreed to pick up his son before the party and spend some time with him. I agreed. I told our son that daddy had to go back to work and couldn't attend the party. My son accepted that. However, when my ex showed up to pick up our son, he was very moody. My son came home 2 hours later (this was the first time in 2 months he's seen his dad) very upset because daddy would barely talk to him, didn't buy him a gift or a card.

My son is still very visably upset. Now he is starting to act out in school. My question is, my ex is causing (and has been causing) our son more harm than good. I can't even call him a good influence on him. I've had my fill. I know he's his dad, but I refuse to let him hurt our son anymore. I am taking him to court (hoping the judge will be able to do something). In the mean time, how do I explain to my son that his dad doesn't want to be a part of his life? I can't lie to my son anymore, and I can't cover for his dad anymore. (I've always been the one to call my ex and make arrangements for him to see our son, not once has my ex EVER picked up the phone to call and ask about him). Advise....PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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