My husband was diagnosed two years ago with ADD. I have learned that if he's having a day where his mind is racing that video games are absolutely helpful. They help him focus his mind on one thing instead of it going several different directions. That's why those with untreated ADHD/ADHD are so addicted to high stimulus activities. It's a way of self medicating. Do you have a game system that both of you can play? My husband and I often play a game together on the Playstation when he's in need of calming his mind.

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The video games get dangerous only when you get really hyper-focused. I have been diagnosed with severe ADD as well and the video games are a nice retreat at the end of a long day (though my husband might be on your side). I know they help me focus and get thoughts together. The only problem is that when you need to stop and do something else like go to bed, your thought of just one more level or just to the next checkpoint can turn into 8 more levels or 8 more checkpoints because it's fun and keeps you focused. But as you know with ADD, time can be non-existent. That 10 more minutes can easily be 2 hours gone when you look up at the clock next. Like the other post, a game you can play together is good, especially if it's a challenge type game that can be kept short where when one of your characters dies or loses, that's it. I found for myself that a Nintendo DS is nice because you have the comfort of not having to quit, save, or turn off the system, you can simply pause and close the game and it goes into a sleep mode, it's like a notebook where you just fold it shut. You can leave the system turned on all the next day as long as it's plugged in and charging. Then when you go back to it, you don't have to wait for it to load or anything, you just open it and it's in the exact spot you left off. It works for me to know I can do that, I don't have to be bothered with any extra steps no matter how simple they may be. It's a matter of finding something he likes and you can tolerate. You could also ask him to just set a timer and put it on the other side of the room so he has to pause to turn it off, it'll get his mind back to reality. Just don't turn it off when he asks you to, make him do it.

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Thanks so much for the replies! It's very interesting to see other people who use Gameboys to help with their ADD. To be honest, it's always felt a bit like a recovering alcoholic using alcohol to ease the cravings, so it didn't make much sense to me, but you both make good points. He is able to not hyperfocus on it most of the time and put it in sleep mode at night, which is good, so hasn't become a problem in our marriage by any means (so perhaps I should have posted this in the general Adult ADD topics, huh?). I was just confused as to how something like video games, which stimulate his brain, help him prep for bed. He has sleep issues too (like those described in the latest ADDitude articles, actually), so it's been on my mind a lot.

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I've only gotten into video games within the last year or so, and I only really play on the Nintendo DS (on a Legend of Zelda kick at the moment), but I can understand the confusion.

Video games can get addictive, but they also provide a different kind of stimulation than books do. I tend to alternate between playing video games before bed and reading a book. It kind of depends on my mood.

Also, the type of game being played makes a lot of difference. Not sure about the Gameboy, but Nintendo DS has a lot of great fidget games, like Wario Ware's Touched, which I've found really helpful in getting rid of excess fidgeting before bed that would otherwise be spent tossing and turning all night. Other games though, like Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks, I save for times when I have an hour or two to kill because certain levels take a bit longer and if you quit halfway through a temple you start all the way back at the beginning when you reopen the game.

If your husband's open to it, try asking questions about what he's playing or maybe even ask if there's a good beginner's game you can try yourself. Show some interest in it, a lot of male gamers really appreciate it when their girlfriends or wives show an interest in at least understanding what their doing. Most of my peers have been playing video games for a lot longer than I have, so I know it's easy to feel left out, but I've found that reading a lot about games and researching them online helps me to at least get most of the jokes and discussions about the games even if I've never actually played them myself.

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Rekka_Yoruhana said: Also, the type of game being played makes a lot of difference. Not sure about the Gameboy, but Nintendo DS has a lot of great fidget games, like Wario Ware's Touched, which I've found really helpful in getting rid of excess fidgeting before bed that would otherwise be spent tossing and turning all night...

Haha---I keep saying Gameboy, but he would probably be happy if I corrected myself: he has a Nintendo DS XL! (Not quite the Gameboy Pocket I keep invoking.) But he's also on a Zelda kick too, and since he loves puzzle games, it's definitely been harder to detach him from it. I'll let him know about the Wario Ware Touched game, though; it sounds like it'd be worth a try.

As for me, I grew up in a household that always had a game console (SNES, N64, XBOX, WII) so I do know some of the inside jokes because I did play them all. But we'd hyperfocus on the game for a week or two and halfway through I'd get bored or impatient and pass the controller to my brother. I enjoy video games to a point, but my true passions lie far from the controller so I'm very easily distracted if a game asks for more thought or effort than I'd care to give.

However, there are games that don't call for any thought and effort, and those are my downfall. I am very impulsive and easily addicted to crap like this to the point of obsession ( I'm currently addicted to a Facebook and an iPhone game), and it's not a pretty sight. So if a game isn't sucking my time, it's too complicated and boring, so avoiding games altogether has always been my tendency.

It looks like I have on one hand a husband who enjoys gaming and actually needs it (in moderation) to control his ADD, and would be so happy if I understood what he was talking about when he got home from D&D night. On the other hand there are my ADD struggles with games, where I either get completely obsessed or I'm left feeling bored and lazy, and therefore have become quite apathetic to the whole concept. We do play together on his PS2 or my N64 from time to time and it's fun for 30 minutes, but like math and tedious house chores, I have a hard time staying interested in and pursuing this particular hobby of his when I'm unmedicated (as I am when I'm home.) I knew we'd always differ on this topic, but I hate that it's making me feel like a crappy wife sometimes. :P

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I can completely see where your husband is coming from. My ADD seems to be very similar to his in that, if I've had a very trying or overstimulating day, my brain just wont calm down unless I lay down and do something like play solitare or Words with Friends on my iPhone. It's also helpful when I need to switch "modes" mid-day, like going from working at home all day to shutting my computer and becoming Mom/wife for the evening. :)

And I've found only a few things work -- like if I read business or motivational books, it gets my creative mind going and I'll want to stay deep in thought, or if it is fiction (like the Twighlight series) I'm totally screwed because I'll go into hyperfocus mode! Ha!

Plus, in these "turn off brain" moments, I would never be able to talk with someone at the time. I know that probably sounds mean, but that would also be distracting. My husband and I have sort of a pattern: we go to bed and he watches 15-20 minutes of his dude shows while I play on my phone and then input the phone down and we watch shows together and chat or read or whatever.

You sound like a great wife for wanting to understand and help him! Good for you!

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