Our situation is similar to yours, perhaps not as critical, but similar. My 16 yr. old daughter was diagnosed at 7 and started medication at 13. Her sensitivity caused many issues of anger and frustration which often resulted in meltdowns. She is on Strattera and has seen the most improvement with adding an anxiety medication (Citilopram) sp? the last couple of years. Her doctor prescribed that and suggested sessions with a woman psychologist. She still sees her periodically, just to give her an outlet and some guidance. Originally they met every 2 or 3 weeks and now it is every 2 months or so. We had to try 3 psychologists until we found one that my daughter could relate to. It has really helped. I am sure maturity is getting better, too. She also attends a private school and runs into the situation that her ability is too high to qualify for an IEP. We've had our dr. and our psychologist send letters with suggestions to the schools. Some teachers will work well with her, reminding her and giving extended time when necessary. Others are oblivious and don't seem to care to help. It is frustrating, but we try to dwell on the fact that some understand and want to help. We expect that she won't do as well in the classes where the teacher gives an absolute 0 for late work. Yes, her GPA is lower than it could be, but we're working to keep it above a 2.5. She can only do her best. Be sure to have some family fun time, too. There needs to be a good connection between her and you other than all the problems.

For school, I send a brightly colored note with her each morning that has any reminders for the day. That way I don't have to "nag" as she puts it. Her responsibility is to be sure she follows through with the list. She also meets with a tutor once a week to work on her most difficult courses. She can help her get organized and on top of things as well. She has a different colored folder with matching book cover for each subject to help her get the correct books and papers to where they need to be. Also, this year, we asked to have an extra set of textbooks at home so that if something is forgotten, we can still have the resources we need. That way she isn't dragging every book home every night.

Some Occupational Therapy helped my daughter as well. It helped her understand some of her "Quirks" and how to deal with the frustrations they cause. The last thing that I have been advised to do is log everything. Document her dr. appts. and recommendations, her medications, any testing, any tutoring sessions, any accomodations that are made, etc... That way when it is time for college, you have a record to show where she is at. Also search out a college that is disability friendly and can offer help for her. Good luck. You're not alone. Remember that she and you needs a little R & R everyday.

Quote

Unfortunately, private schools are not bound by the same federal laws. Take a look at this "Ask the Expert" Q&A where Robert Tudisco answers this exact question: http://www.additudemag.com/q&a/ask_the_learning_expert/5322.html

Hang in there!

Penny W., ADDitudeMag.com Community Moderator mom to Luke, ADHD, age 8 creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD} at http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com

Quote

With a private school, it's a lot harder. I would hope the fact that you are PAYING them should actually help, even if they don't have to do 504 plans, etc. I think you just have to decide what the priorities should be here-maybe this particular school isn't willing to work with your kid, and then maybe it's best to go pay a school that DOES want to. In a public school, you have very little choice, your pretty much zoned for whatever school your zoned for, with Magnet and Charter schools. and issues like Title I being exceptions. That's why and how how this other stuff has developed---504's IEP's, student support services-to deal with the fact that with few exceptions, it's already been decided where your kid will go to public school, and the only part of that choice the parent has made is what zip code/school zone they moved into. If your able to and believe in providing your daughter with a private school education, at the very least, you should be able to get the one you are paying for, for her. If you can't, maybe it's better to take your business elsewhere, and maybe that's the best way, in the long run, for some of the private schools that don't want to deal with this particular need, to get the message that their choices in this situation really CAN effect their bottom line. It doesn't sound like your expecting this private school to put up with an unruly student that prevents other student's from learning. I could understand a private school saying, no, we can't handle that, in order to keep other parent's who are also paying from complaining. I don't see how what you are asking for is anything that would hurt other nearby student's education, so I can't understand what the problem is. It almost sounds like they feel it's their job to tell YOU what to do at home and how THEY want you to raise your kid. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to stomach that, even coming from a public school (been there and I didn't) much less from people your PAYING to educate your daughter. Maybe there's a more AD/HD friendly private school around you that may actually know what to do and how to help? I know there's a lot of private schools that sell false promises, too. Just be careful to research carefully before you make any decisions. It doesn't hurt to consider all your options, and I'm very glad for you and your family that you have the option of private school.

Quote

Please hang in there! Your post sounds so much like what we were experiencing a year ago.

Our daughter turned a huge corner right after her 15th birthday. We sent her on an EFT tour to Costa Rica with her Spanish teacher and she came back so much better after one week - even her teachers were astonished.

I bought her this school agenda/organizer and it has helped her a lot too: www.homework-organizer.com.

She is taking Focalin-RX currently and that seems the most effective for her.

The ADHD is still there - she still makes a mess everywhere she goes and she is still incapable of cleaning it up on her own. On the other hand, her grades have improved tremendously, she is now making good choices re friends, etc. and she has taken charge of her own destiny at school. Her teachers say she is now an effective advocate for herself. She has turned in almost every homework assignment on time so far this year.

The bottom line is that things were bad when she was fourteen and they are unbelievably better since she turned fifteen. I will keep my fingers crossed that your daughter makes the same leap forward.

Quote

Quote:

NurseMom said: My 14 year old daughter was diagnosed ADHD at age 8. She was on Adderall for a while then switched to Vyvance about 2 years ago. I started to notice ( in hindsight) more aggression, much more difficulty with peers, she was asked to leave a private catholic school with two months left of school last year because she had a pocket knife (have also identified she has cut on herself ) and a pack of cigarettes (for which she IS NOT allowed to smoke) so we had no choice but to put her in public school. We are from New Orleans (Jefferson Parish) and the public schools here are nothing like public schools in other states. Let's not mention all the numerous problems I am having with my daughter but she is in a private school this year again (The public school was just awful in regards to kids fighting my daughter the first day,students walking up to her ,witnessed by others and teachers , and pulling her hair and pulling her to the ground to fight) Public school in our area is NOT an option. I am noticing in order to get any kind of 504 or IEP it is all about the public school.. Now my daughter is having issues at this school unable to get along with girls (no fighting though) my daughter is all mouth, not doing her homework not writing down assignments all of which has been a major issue for the last 2 years, now going into the 3rd school year. I had an evaluation performed by her psychologist and accomodations were recommended she has a very high IQ verbal 130 but forgetfullness, not doing assignments all of the same stuff is landing her in trouble again and is being labeled as a trouble student. THIS IS NOT THE CHILD I GAVE BIRTH TOO OH MY GOD!!! I cry constantly I have been to three meetings at the school asking if they could please just make sure she writes down her homework assignments and correctly and I have been told by the principal "we don't do that here" She consistently forgets homework, forgets books, she was teased a lot as a young girl (developed young, chubby, buck teeth) now at 5'5" straight teeth and 130 lbs she's a knock out, she has given herself another nickname because her birthname she was called as she says "was ugly" she is very sensitive and if the threat of a another child teasing her arises she is in their face confronting them (again not violent just loud and obnoxious) I have had her in counseling, on medication we even stopped the Vyvanse over the summer to see if the Vyvanse was causing the aggression, but didn't prove so. I guess after all this ranting my situation I need help with, is Can anyone tell me how to get the school to (legally) to be accountable for helping my child succeed in school, in helping me with the most minor accomodations that my daughter has the most difficult time with. .She does not attend a public school where the accomodations are so talked about and I don't think a private school has to follow any kind of law like that and I don't want to have her have to change school's again. I'm so more than willing to do what I need to do at Home and Hold my daughter accountable but when the school tells me "don't dumb her down by doing those things for her, she'll figure it out" She has ADHD for God's sake, we have never used it as an excuse but my daughter is suffering personally and in school. Please Help what can I do?

Quote

I work in Special Education and have for years. I also have two boys who have ADHD and have had to fight in the public schools to get them 504s even knowing the laws in and out. DON"T GIVE UP. You are your child's best advocate. You can do this for them. What I have found is that most people push away what they are not familiar with because they are scared or worried about screwing up on the writing of a 504/IEP. Your daughter, our children, have rights regardless of where they are receiving an education. 1). Arm yourself with knowledge. Ask for the legal papers on the laws "The Parental Rights". Every school has to provide a copy to anyone who requests it. 2) Have your daughter's doctor and phys/psyc write a letter with specific details about what they require to "access" the curriculum and receive a free and appropriate eductation. 3) Get online to the 504 websites to see how 504s are written to address ADHD, or how a child with ADHD can qualify under "Other Health Impaired" on an IEP, 4) Make a list of your expectations and what you want to see on these, 5) Keep a record that includes: Names, dates, issues discussed, and follow through 6) Don't be afraid to hear no, you will hear this more than you will "yes", 7) Be respectful to the school personnel but true to what you know your daughter needs and deserves. A parent has every right to request an evaluation. A school has 45 school days once the permission to evaluate has been signed to complete the evaluation and then hold a meeting. Your daughter has 130 IQ, Most students with ADHD are "brillant" and beautiful beyond measure. However, they may not have an understanding of social cues or be able to understand another person's perspective (Theory of Mind). Perhaps your daughter does not see that she has worth and that is where your heartache becomes too much. Often times children will "cut themselves" because they can't express what they are truly feeling. By cutting themselves well, that pain is real, that pain they can see and address. It releases the feelings of being constrained, confined and cornered. Learning how to talk with her is also key, so that she can express herself without your own feelings getting in the way. Find a great counselor who can assist you to learn a good communication model, it is invaluable. (I could see how you could think that, I could see how you could see it that way, I could see how you could feel that, what would you like to have happen, what can you accept responsibility for, what is your goal, what is your plan, how can I assist) Do not give up, Never give up. Perhaps regroup, rethink, reorganize. You are the one who can best set your child "up to win". Much love and blessings Jaycee.

Quote

Good morning,

I have been where you are today with your daughter. It is very, very hard. We went the private school option and the reality is they don't have to provide any accommodations. Our school provided extended testing for finals and nothing else. IF you want to stay there, you need to get a least extended testing so you have a paper trail for extended testing for SAT college board testing. I would also approach the administration and find out if they have tutors and other forms of support for kids not doing well academically. Most private schools do and the reality is most of the kids who are struggling have some form of ADD/ ADHD and the school stubbornly doesn't recognize this. Secondly I would approach the counseling department and or principle and ask for a parenting support group. You need to be able to connect with other parents with similar struggles at her school. IN a private setting, since accommodations are not provided you will need to plan to hire either tutors or ADD coaches to help her with executive functions/ organizational skills. YOu will also need a psychiatrist or physician she trusts to adjust the meds to help her with the demands of school. My daughter is now 18 and is in her first year of college doing well. From age 13 to 16, I wasn't sure she would survive the school years as they were so devastating. Kristyn had similar IQ. Don't worry about the grades so much, she needs to get the skills, math, reading and writing. Balance the academic school demands with the development of her unique abilities- activities she is passionate about. Unique abilities builds her confidence and independence that she needs to counteract the setbacks in an academic environment. Once high school is over, she won't be required to be good in everything ( all her required classes) and if she goes to a state college or university- she will get full accommodations. The irony! My daughter took the best skills from private school she learned under protest and is now pursuing her unique abilities in a her dream university setting. Although her grades were below their admission criteria, she came with art design/skills, writing skills, great SAT scores and a compelling college admissions essays. We teamed up with her to provide the best education and support team we could find, so she had a shot at a university setting in which she could succeed. YOU need to be strong. Your daughter will encounter many negative messages in school and she will need messages from her family and ADD support team that you will love her forever and like her always. She needs to hear these are the hardest years, but once in college it will be so much better. She needs to know you will stand behind her and beside her. As a health care provider/ parent with an ADD teen, you need to meet them where they are and being accepting. Comfort and kindness go along way. This is easier said than done, as developing teen girls are developmentally "called" to separate from their parents even though these are the years they need you the most- so much of their outrageous behavior that is designed to "push all your buttons" comes from the conflict of needing to separate from mom and needing mom at the same time. Outside of school, you other big developmental task is to provide "guardrails" to keep her safe from impulsive behavior while in the company of her peers. Good luck and stay true to your daughter.

Quote