that is the biggest thing...my kid was scared of me and I guess I knew it deep down. I chilled out a lot and relaxed and when I became tense again, things went nuts. Consistency is hard! I have ADD tendencies on my own. But, I think my son realizes that if I am strict (he hit a little one the other day -- so I took away his ability to go to the farm with the other camp kids) he knows (ususally if its not a hitting incident) that he'llhave a chance at earning it back. That requires keeping tabs on what he is doing good too. I give him (not overboard) praise and tell him he should be proud of himself. But, recently it's been harder because he just sees some of his friendships changing and for him any time there is a change --or a loss really -- he takes it very personally and it affects his entire being. Anyway...just a few words of advice...always consider that they need even more than ever to know that their parent (s) are on their side and can be trusted (not to get away with anything...) even when they make bad choices....

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It sounds like you are on the right track, but that seminar you were at was probably for a neurotypical kid so its not going to work well for a child with ADHD. I would recommend getting a book on Behavior modification for kids with ADHD. One that I love is by Howard Glasser called Transforming the Difficult Child: the Nurtured heart Approach. He has ADD himself and so does his daughter so he knows what he is talking about.

Regarding a token system, it is really important that your child is motivated by the rewards. There are two kinds of kid--the kind who likes the same thing all the time (my kid likes screen time) or the kind that likes a different prize all the time. If you have a different prize all the time type of child then use a prize box and fill it with cool stuff that he likes, coupons for special time together, quarters for the gumball machine, Dollar store toys, etc. Only work on one behavior at a time! For example, if you would like to work on jumping on the furniture, then you let him know that if he refrains from jumping on the furniture for a certain length of time (start out small like "until lunch time") then he can choose a prize or earn a chunk of time to do that thing he loves.

You might also want to check out your local gymnastic studio and see if they have a trampoline that he can use. This way it will be a safe environment, and he can still get his ya yas out. "We only jump at the gym not at home on the furniture." A trip there can even be the prize!

There's a lot more so getting a parenting coach who is very familiar with ADHD would be really helpful as well.

Hope this helps!

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I am probably a more laid back parent when it comes to allowing the boys to do crazy stuff (as long as it won't harm them or anyone else) and I'm pretty lenient about the jumping/tumbling. I actually bought one of those small trampolines and they jump on it in the house. I also have a pull up bar in the doorway and a treadmill and they get on those too when they are jumpy and can't go outside. They do start to go over the line sometimes and I have to rein them in. Sometimes we have to go to time out to calm down because they get too excited and start to be careless and I am afraid someone is going to get hurt. I will say that there are times when time out is not working and I have had great success with taking away a toy. I figure they are active little boys and I do want them to move as much as possible.

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I don't think that there is really a difference.

I don't parent the way I do psychology, but I do incorporate some basic principles.

1. Consistency in discipline is more important that how strict you are/are not (with exceptions to either extreme).

2. Lot of opportunities to burn energy everyday in a way that does not get them in trouble. (It is also good for mom and dad to get out and model healthy play and burn some energy!)

3. Make sure punishment is about the offense, not your mood. Again, consistency.

4. Punishment alone teaches nothing... (except maybe reinforcing things that help avoid getting caught). Explicitly state and teach expectations.

5. Postive reinforcement always work better than punishment. If you spend 5-10 times the effort in celebrating the times a kid does something good - even if by accident - do not put any negativity on it ("Finally!" for example)...

6. We are all human and kids are resilient... don't expect to be perfect.

7. Consistency also relates to external environment - especially for kids with ADHD. Easy organization. (Kids and bins work well). A quiet study space without too much clutter (visual or auditory). I am personally against TVs in bedrooms.

8. I always make my kids summarize what I told them. It shows that they understood and were paying attention. I feel better punishing them after I proactively verified that they knew better.

You can praise hard, and punish hard and consistently.

A lot of this mirrors my blog post, "The absence of bad does not mean the presence of good."

http://askdreric-schoolpsychologist.blogspot.com/2010/06/absence-of-bad-does-not-equal-presence.html

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