BTW, if anyone is willing to help me, because I am serious about this, it's not a high seeking thing. I will be more than happy to describe my symptoms to you, just ask. :-) Thank-you in advance, Lisa

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Hi, I understand why you are obsessing about seeing the specialist (a psychiatrist?). I have a close friend who has been through the exact same thing and taking stimulant medication has actually helped her stay away from drugs and alcohol. She has improved SO MUCh since being treated for ADD by a psychiatrist. However, her psychiatrist recommends that she not share with other doctors about her drug and alcohol addiction because some doctors don't agree with providing these people with stimulant drugs. However, if you just go to them for ADD diagnosis and treatment and don't mention your PAST addiction then there should not be a problem. If the meds help then maybe you will feel free to tell the doctor at a much later date about your past. Of course, all of this is up to you and you need to feel at peace and comfortable about it when you do go to the specialist. I have read a lot about how people with ADD often use street drugs to "self-medicate" so it only makes sense that you probably would respond positively to stimulant medications. Anyway, I sure wish you the best. Charlotte

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Thank-you Charlotte for the reply. I finally got "the call" and they ARE going to see me...in January! I guess this guy is just a tester, he's a psychologist, and then my psychiatrist (in the same health system) will probably take over any meds I need. They all know my history as I have always tried to be open and honest. So no option to keep it to myself, but I will pray about it and try not to go crazy until then. :-)

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The desire to self medicate still happens. When the symptoms of ADHD occur, even though I take meds, I find myself wanting to take something to calm down, or bring my self up. Im ashamed to admit I even abused my ritalin. I still find myself holding on to negative thoughts, and life events that happened before I was diagnosed. Forgive yourself, take your meds, and talk. Congratulations.

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Please don't be ashamed that your abuse your Ritalin, it is sooooo common. You'd be surprised how many people live in secrecy and abuse their meds. That's why I don't want to go straight to the stimulants if I'm diagnosed. I write blogs on hubpages.com under the name light82, you should come check it out! It's a good way to write about the stuff inside that is still haunting you, get those demons out onto something concrete, like paper or blogs. Just a suggestion, it helps me. Also, I have been going to my psychologist weekly for the past month or so. I have to wait until Jan. 7th for my official testing, I just hope I pass, and they are able to separate my depression and anxiety from the ADD. What is it like for you when you don't take your meds? Have you ever thought of Stratera or are you unwilling to give up the stimulants?

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