Hi there! Don't feel alone. There is so many issues to raising children with ADHD especially if they become oppositional defiant. My son is both and has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He is almost 17. Most of the time I can't wait until he grows up and moves away - that is when he does not even attempt to control himself. However, I really do love him and I am so sad that his life is so hard. Kids try hard to accept him but he is so impulsive and loud and angry and makes no sense, sometimes that they get mad t him and he gets his feelings hurt and it is really sad. He does not have a girlfriend although some girls seem to really like him until he starts getting out of control and then they don't want anything to do with him. We have been through 2 years of day treatment therapy and regular therapy for about 8 years. He has taken medication since he was 5. What I have learned is that I need the therapy most. I need to realize that he has to learn boundaries and I need to be firm in those boundaries. There can not be grey areas because kids don't understand this. You also need to take very good care of yourself. You do not deserve the treatment you get and your child has to realize that. He can make choices and he knows right from wrong. It is a lot of work to control his impulses but he has to learn to try. Counseling might help; biofeedback might help but you taking care of you is key. If your child sees self control, boundaries, consistency and understands you are the boss, then it will help. There are so many great books and articles to help - I love Dr. Ross Greene's ideas and I have found a lot of great resources here. I have also used the "Think Right Now" programs, I am tempted to try the "Total Transformation" program. The worst thing you can do, from my experience, is to stay so busy so as to avoid the problems because they just get worse. I have chosen a very demanding career field - special education teacher in high school (chose this because of my son) but I take on so many other things that I rarely sleep. I know this is a problem and I am working on it. Since your child is young, try to keep your life easy so that you have the time to make sure he has the support and guidance he needs and you aren't so exhausted that you just want to give up. Also stay on top of his medication needs - rarely has one pill every worked long term. We have tried many different medications and dexidrine spansels (sp?) has been the only thing that has come close to helping. You will get through this. He is here for a reason - and you are really doing a great job.

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Hello,

I've been there! My son just turn 9 last month. He has been diagnosed since he was 7. It is very challenging rising ADHD boys. There have been moments that I've been feeling exactly the same as you, but think that we are humans and we are trying our best that seems not to be good enough. We have the need to unfold ourselves and recognized that we are unhappy with the whole situation. But I'm sure you are an amazing mom on a quest trying to find the right help for your little guy. This is my piece of advise according my own experience. My son was seen by a Naturopath practitioner, he had a blood work done and the results were that he is highly sensitive to gluten, eggs and wheat. He has been in a Gluten free diet for almost two years. His behavior improve somehow. But still, we have to deal with VERY AGRESSIVE tantrums form time to time and with his lack of focus. Also he takes daily supplements: Calcium, zinc, magnesium, B6 and fish oil. A very high protein breakfast at least 21 grms. also helps. We try to avoid dyes in food and he doesn't have too much of refined sugars. hardly ever sodas. Now we are in the process to try homeopathy. That would be my last shoot before start thinking about meds. (I'm so scared about meds) but he might get finally help.

When my son gets angry because he couldn't get his way there could be episodes that I wish could erase from our memories. painful episodes where I would have to restraint him from behind because he is ready to attack me. He would swear,kick and punch. That it is something that I can clearly see ,he does not have any control so far over it. by the way, one of these episodes just happened an hour ago :( After an hour of crying and fighting now he is finally asleep, before that I went to his bed and said to him: "I still love you. I know that you work hard trying to control yourself and I know that you did not mean any of what yous said" Is not that I'm happy with his awful behavior but he is already dealing a lot with his own feelings to make him feel that he is not loved. And I do loved him with all my heart as you love your own boy. You are doing great looking for help, and I'm pretty sure you are a wonderful mom. As tough as this is...we never give up! You are not alone in this journey. Many, many , many moms and dads are with you trying to rise wonderful and challenging boys. God bless your family and keep it positive...

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jennirube said: Hi I am putting this out there in hopes that someone can help me but not judge me. I have an 8 yr old who was diagnosed at 6 with ADHD. I am also divorced from his dad. When he was first diagnosed he dad didn't want to believe it nor did he want him on medication. Well guess what I won he got put on medication. Besides his dad isn't the one who has to deal with the behavior all the time. My biggest problem is right now he is in the beginning of starting a new med and i know its not helping him. His behavior has gotten so bad lately that I am ready to give up. the hardest thing is I have no support from my family they say it is my fault he is the way he is. My mom says I don't treat him very well. yeah I admit I don't feel like I am a good mom at this point. because of his behavior I have these feelings coming out of me that I thought would never happen. My son and I are constantly fighting. I have tried talking it out with him, i have yelled at him, I have disciplined him and nothing is working. I am at the end of my rope with him I am actually going to see a dr to put me on some medication because I can't handle it anymore. The hardest thing for me to choke down and admit is when it gets this bad I don't even like to be around him. Don't get me wrong I love my son with all my heart but I just can't handle this behavior anymore. I am sure i am not the only one who has felt this way. PLEASE HELP I want my little boy back. I want us to be happy again.

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Dear Mom, Hi there! Where are you located? I am a former special education teacher, and now I represent parents like your-self at their home schools. Did you know that you son qualifies for services from your local school, free of charge to you under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. They certainly won't admit it, so you have to learn your rights. feel free to contact me at: nb4success@charter.net or see: www.help4specialeducation.com

Respectfully,

Amy Eisner, MA

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I am in the SAME position!!!!!!!! I have fought for years to get my son accessed for ADHD. I actually tried meds w/o my husband's consent. My child's behavioral and what I considered, anxiety issues, have caused great great stress in my marriage. I fought to hold my child back in kindergarten and finally put my foot down and had him assessed by a psychologist and then treated for ADHD with meds prescribed by his pediatician. Guess what happened next, I was served divorce papers. Its been almost a year and we are no where in this nasty divorce/custody battle. I'm back to work after 10 years of staying at home. My stress is high and I've only begun treating my own ADHD about a year ago, which had been misdiagnosed as depression, anxiety, and eating disorder. With all the new stress I have incurred over the past year, I've somehow (sometimes I wonder) managed to stop drinking for over a year (husband is still a big drinker) and have gotten my eating disorder better under control than it has EVER been. I believe its because I have been learning more about ADHD and have been taking Vyvanse for 1 1/2 years. My biggest problem with my son is the side effects- can't fall asleep, won't eat, and what actually is the worst is his mean, nasty, oppositional, attitude that comes with his "coming off" his meds in afternoon. Its awful but the positive effects of the meds in school are just incredible. So we've been working on that issue. We just changed his med from Concerta to Vyvanse. He's doing much better as far as side effects, except when it comes to the mean nasty attitude. Its like he's a different kid. Then off the med he's my little boy again, which is great, but doesn't help in school. Its all so confusing. We have tried a low dose of ritalin in afternoon, but that seemed to make the eating and falling asleep even worse. I'm here to support you and to listen to any advice you have for me!!!!!!!!! My son is almost 10 and I check email much more often than checking any other sites: allendanir@hotmail.com

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