Page 1 of 1 1

active forum Post Reply

Thread : Lost another job, husband's upset, I'm distraught  
19 Sep 2010 @ 3:23 PM
LisaHallett Join Date: Sun 19th Sep 2010
Threads: 2 Posts: 3
Lost another job, husband's upset, I'm distraught

This is my first post. Sorry for the huge angst dump, but I have to get this out.

I'm 48, got diagnosed last year with ADHD and Aspergers, already diagnosed with depression and anxiety for many years. I'm taking Adderall, which seems to help.

My husband is angry and disappointed and upset because I've lost another job. This was a contract position that I thought was going well - Friday my rep from the contract company said they told her to tell me not to come back on Monday. She's going to go there and pick up my stuff, so I can pick it up at the contract office. The problem was minor mistakes - the main complaint was that I was making crooked scans of documents. (I'm a tech writer, but they had me spending most of my time filing and scanning. I hated this contract.) I had checked, rechecked, and triple-checked those damn scans, because I know about my tendency toward mistakes.

This has happened something like five times in the last ten years - tiny things get past me, even though I check and recheck what I'm doing. I was sure that with Adderall, this would be less of a problem. I know I'm intelligent, but I feel like an idiot again and again. I have one short-term contract after another on my resume.

My husband is increasingly upset with me, worse every time this happens. He feels it's unfair to him - and I agree that it is - that he has a good job, but has to constantly worry about money because I can't keep employed - I'd say for the last 5 years, I've been working about half the time.

At this point, he doesn't believe I can ever work and keep a job. I''m struggling to believe that I can, because I HAVE TO believe that! I can't just give in and say "yes, I'm too stupid to work, support me as if I were a baby", and he wouldn't accept that anyway.

If we broke up, there's no way I could support myself. I expect that I would be homeless.

On the positive side, I'm meeting with someone on Tuesday who has a program aimed at getting people with neurological problems work they can succeed at. The Department of Vocational Rehab pays for it, but it's run out of a local teaching hospital. I've never done something like this before.

Also, the contract company says they won't hold this against me, and will start looking for a new contract for me on Monday.

I've been feeling like I'm going to throw up since Friday, so much anxiety I can't stand it.

Quote

21 Sep 2010 @ 2:37 PM Reply # 1
hrbowie83 Join Date: Wed 26th Aug 2009
Threads: 1 Posts: 3
Don't worry, it WILL happen.

I'm on Wellbutrin 3 times a day PLUS Risperidone for ADD and bipolar diagnoses. Until I started taking my meds consistently I could never figure out why I couldn't hold a job for more than a few months at a time. At 27 I'm just NOW not only holding a job but succeeding. I just had to #1 get diagnosed, #2 get medicated, #3 stay consistent, and #4 find my niche. Perhaps tackling something new and kicking yourself into hyperfocus will do the trick. I've been in a field I NEVER thought I'd be in - healthcare - for a year and a half, which is a huge triumph and a new challenge every single day. The moral of my little story is that someday soon, you will find a job where you will exceed your own expectations because it's your talent, your niche, your knack. Start with something you really love. Have you ever considered going into business for yourself? You don't have anyone to answer to but yourself, and what's better than being paid to do what you really love to do all day??

Quote

2 Oct 2010 @ 10:12 PM Reply # 2
tamarion Join Date: Sat 2nd Oct 2010
Threads: Posts:
i understand.

i have add and also bipolar along with other health issues. i barely keep my job and can onlly work very part time. i canlt afford the med i need for add....so i function as best as i can. i know what it is like. i rarely have kept jobs...and i too would be homeless without my spouse who is a great deal older than i am and wants to retire but can't because of me. i feel like an idiot not able to do what othes do. and do so easily. i didnt even finish college. we do the best that we can. some ppl are not cut out for the workforce. if all u r is a paycheck that is sad, but i do understand his frustration cause i get it from my hubby too. he cant understand why i do forget and am so disorganised, daydreamy and distracted. it's something that noone can understand unless they live it. ritalin does help me but the dose i need to take puts it right now beyond reach. i do believe there are jobs out there that we can do...i am not sure what they are tho right now. am wishing you the best. you are not stupid or useless. you are a valuable human being that has problems in some areas of your life. everyone has something they cannot do. ours just seem more obvious in day to day living. keep us posted on how you are.

Quote

6 Oct 2010 @ 11:20 AM Reply # 3
kdog Join Date: Mon 27th Oct 2008
Threads: 1 Posts: 39
Coaching

I would suggest looking for an ADHD coach.

A good coach will work with you and your doctor to find the right medications and dosages, address your strengths and weaknesses, and help you find your way.

I know exactly how you feel about questioning your abilities and knowing that someone who knows and loves you is uncertain about your abilities. It hurts, it's scary, and it just sucks because you can't afford to give up but you also know there's some truth about your limitations.

I can't provide any solutions, but I can tell you that the proper medication (and levels) and coaching have been the two most helpful tools I've found in fighting this nasty little (&^& called ADHD - and it was the coach that helped with the meds.

I also found the book "The Disorganized Mind" to be very helpful.

Quote

27 Nov 2010 @ 12:12 AM Reply # 4
Ireland Blue Join Date: Fri 26th Nov 2010
Threads: Posts:
Going thru the same thing. . . .

I was just fired from my last job. It's the 2nd job in two years that I've been fired from. I'm 44 and have worked in the clerical/office field all my adult life. Like, Lisa, my husband used to react negatively toward me regarding "how I am". I was diagnosed in 2007 and it has taken the past 3 years for us to come to an understanding. He now realizes that I don't do the things I do on purpose. My brain is wired differently than other people. He knows how hard I try and when he rants and raves it makes everything worse. It's like I go into overdrive-- forgetting things and spilling stuff.

What I'm trying to say is it takes a lot of communication, patience, and tolerance.

Quote

16 Feb 2011 @ 12:38 PM Reply # 5
Ki Join Date: Wed 16th Feb 2011
Threads: Posts:
My husband has this problem too.

He just lost his 25th job in 11 years. This one lasted a bout 2 months. He gets fired too over random things he does that we can't even begin to imagine he might do to maybe proactively prevent. We basically gave up on him ever being able to remain employed so now he is basically struggling at being a house husband. His parents and I figured that there will probably be no way he could ever take care of himself unless something drastic changes. He has no job, he lost his car due to repossession a few months ago, he has no health insurance of his own. He has no savings and no where to go if we were too divorce(and we are on the verge of that). I'm feeling a lot of pressure because I am the only one that can keep it together. Sometimes i hate him and I try not to but I feel like its unfair to me, I'm exhausted, and have lost hope for any of the dreams I used to have. Its like the dreams we had for our future and our lives together have been demolished. I'm sure he feels the same way and his self esteem is almost nothing. He is on medication, seeing a psychologist, and I found some support groups for him to attend during the week. That's basically all I'm expecting him to do right now, make it to these appointments and taking his medication. I'm hoping he can handle at least that on a consistent basis.

I guess you can try your best to make sure your hubby's life is as easy as possible. Meals waiting for him when he comes home, clean house, run errands that he can't do, offer to take some of the responsibilities off his shoulders that he might do (if you can handle them). maybe you can work for yourself at home? Try starting a tiny business so that there is at least SOME money coming in to help out. Sell Avon even?

I don't know what to tell you but I hope it gets better for you. It must be rought. I guess you just have to keep trying until you find a job that will accept you and forgive your mistakes or that will be more fitting that you won't make mistakes. A job like that is gold.

Quote

Page 1 of 1 1

active forum Post Reply

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Local Time : 25 May 2012 2:41 AM
(Fri, 25 May 2012 06:41:14 GMT)

Copyright © 1998 - 2011 New Hope Media LLC. All rights reserved. Your use of this site is governed by our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
ADDitude does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The material on this web site is provided for educational purposes only. See additional information.
New Hope Media, 39 W. 37th Street, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10018