Parenting an ADHD child will bring on frustration at times, there's no way around that. It's going to happen sometimes. But you can't show your frustration to your child, especially in the thick of conflict. You must remain calm and matter-of-fact, if only on the outside. This will keep things from reaching a boiling point and becoming unproductive. It will also help for your son not to feel criticized, something those with ADHD are prone too. Plus, you want him to always feel loved, I'm sure. It's important to approach a situation with the attitude of, " I love you but I don't love your behavior." My son is only 7yo, but I have found that giving him extra time to process and respond was key to compliance (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1671.html). He suffers from very slow auditory processing and he just CAN'T respond as quickly to instructions. I know teenhood brings an entire new set of issues with teen attitude, but staying calm and matter-of-fact really will help enormously. Here's an article full of advice from moms of ADHD children you may find helpful too: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/581.html.

Needing one-step directions is another commonality of ADHD. You will have to tell him one thing at a time and there's not likely anything you can do to change that aspect. Is it possible to post a checklist for him? This would be one way of helping him build a routine, which will be beneficial (more on building rountines for an ADHD cild here: (http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1945.html). List each step for the morning routine in order and post it for him to follow. Again, I don't know about 13-year-olds, but a reward after completing all steps works wonders for my son. If you limit his screen time, maybe he gets 15 minutes extra or something for completing all the steps using his checklist.

Lastly, it sounds like family counseling would really help (studies have shown that a combination of medication and behavioral therapy are the most successful treatment of ADD/ADHD). If everyone visits the same counselor/therapist, even separately, you will all be on the same page with managing your son's ADHD, even in two separate households.

Hang in there!

Penny W., ADDitudemag.com & ADDConnect.com Community Moderator

ADHD Momma to Luke, age 7

creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD} @ http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com

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