Terry Illes, Ph.D. says, "[ADHD] kids are more likely to comply when their parents listen, express empathy, clearly communicate their expectations, and follow through with immediate consequences." Be sure to clearly define for your son that you expect him to complete his chores to your satisfaction. Define what a clean dish looks like or remind him that completing the dishes means they are put in their rightful place in the kitchen cabinet. You must also institute a consequence if the chore is not done properly. It's great that he's doing the chores but he has to learn to slow down and complete the task properly. Let's face it, he will need to regulate himself this way throughout his adult life too. Continue to ask him to do the chores, whether he's completing them to your satisfaction or not. Letting him off the hook just teaches him that doing a poor job at something will allow him to not have to do it at all -- not a good future work ethic for him.

Hang in there! Penny W., ADDitudemag.com & ADDConnect.com Community Moderator,

ADHD Momma to Luke, age 7,

creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD} @ http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com

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this issue of not completing chores properly has been going on for a long time, you know what I hate dealing with the most is the pissy attitude from him when I have to bring him back to the chore and point out what still needs to be done...thats what I am always wanting to avoid, the conflict...any ideas on how to deal with the conflict part? So it doesnt turn into an argument all the time?

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The most obvious answer is don't buy into it. Easier said than done, I KNOW! Getting a reaction from you will ramp things up. You have to remain calm but be firm and matter-of-fact. Over time, this will help reduce conflict and a full-blown argument. The desire to avoid consequence and conflict (your son doesn't like the conflict either, even though it probably seems he does) will eventually help the quality of his work to improve.

Also take a look at how you are addressing this issue with him. ADHDers are exceptionally sensitive to what they perceive to be criticizing and it raises emotions. Be sure you are calm and matter-of-fact in the way you point out your dissatisfaction in his work (well, don't point out dissatisfaction, for starters). Maybe instead of saying, "you didn't do a good enough job washing the dishes," try turning it around to sound less critical. "I know you don't want to revisit last night's chili in tonight's dinner any more than I do."

Here's Dr. Peter Jaska's take on discipline and conflict:http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/6202.html

Penny W., ADDitudemag.com & ADDConnect.com Community Moderator

ADHD Momma to Luke, age 7

creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD}

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I also have 17 year old son who has had adha since he was 7.And i have struggled with the samethings ,such cleaning his room,taking out the trash and more.He has always argued with me and knows everything.But now it seems it is getting worse the older he gets.He also takes vyvanse.Last summer he wnet trough a depression with stepfarther and grand father having a stroke.So the doctor added abilify of 5 mg.At the end of the school year he was kicked out of school for lighting a piece of paper in the bathroom.Doesn't know why he did it. This year things were going okay,till yesterday. He was going to class and another kid tripped him.And he got angry,so he lit a piece of paper and left it. He said a girl dared him to do it. So he has been suspended from school for 10 days.I dont know what to, i'm scared now that he could go to jail for this.He a good and pleasent kid to all teachers and they like him and they are just stund that he is doing this.He goes to he doctor this week and hope that we can help him through this.I just dont know what to do anymore, i'm tired.

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Hopefully, your doctor will be able to talk with your son in-depth and sort this out. Someone needs to get to the root of why he is lighting things on fire impulsively when upset. Maybe some behavior modification to help him have a different response when he feels this way in the future.

Let us know how the visit with the doctor goes.

Penny W., ADDitudeMag.com Community Moderator mom to Luke, ADHD, age 8 creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD} at http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com

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Dear adha mom, I know how you feel. My son is soon to be 14 this month and I am tired. It seems the older he gets the worse he gets. He is ADHD & ODD but he thinks he knows everything and yes some times I lose it. I am single mom with no emotional or financial support from exhusband. My son plays sports and is pretty good at it but he has to make good grades to play but its almost to the point where hes like I don't care. If I hear I don't know one more time, I don't know what I'll do. The best advice I can give is to pray, visit the site often, and hang in there.

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