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siblings and ADHD
I have no idea what to do.
Yesterday was a tough day. Isabella's ADHd is slowly tearing my husband and I apart.
Isabella had a major melt down in the late morning. I believe it was due to exhaustion. We were attempting to leave the house to go to a local street fair, when Isabella lost it. She cried uncontrollably for about 30 minutes. I am still not sure why. When the kids and I arrived at the fair, Isabella was unhappy at the beginning, she even hit me and yelled at me. I still do not know why. At the Kid Zone they had a rock climbing wall-her favorite. Isabella climbed all the way to the top! She amazes me! Joey couldn't get more than 3-4 ft off the ground and some adults were only able to reach about half way. I think that we have a future rock climber in the makings.
When it was time to leave the fair, I offered the kids several options for lunch. There was a variety of street vendors. Joey chose pizza and Isabella chose "meat on a stick". They had skewers of chicken and pork, but not beef. I told her that we could walk towards the car and if we saw it she could have it, If not, she would need to make another selection along the way. She did not like anything. When we got to the end of the fair and began walking towards the car, she began to scream "I'm starving, I'm starving! "I want pizza!". Keep in mind that the pizza was on the opposite end of where we were and she had told me that she didn't like pizza when we ordered Joey's. I told her that we could not walk all the way back to get her the pizza. Joey was being a trooper, but he was exhausted and it was scorching hot. I think that she might have cried the entire drive home, thank goodness it was only 5 minutes away. Once we got home I put Joey down for a nap and Isabella had her father make her pizza at home. She was satisfied.
We were supposed to have friends over for dinner that evening. However, Isabella was uncontrollable. She was hysterical. She hit her brother, she kicked me, she kicked the doors, she yelled, screamed and cried. At 5pm, I decided to cancel our dinner party.
When Isabella was kicking me in the kitchen, I repeatedly asked her to stop. I told her that if she kicked me, that I would kick her back. She followed me around kicking me, waiting for me to follow through with my word. So, of course, I kicked her back, not hard and I didn't even reach her. It was more of a motion. (Not my best parenting, I know). That evening, while Joey and I had dinner together, Mark sat against her bedroom door blocking her exit. She needed to calm down before she rejoined the family. She was upset because she didn't want Baked Ziti, she wanted "natural pasta and sauce" meaning not baked (which she loves). She finally calmed down; her father and her ate dinner together.
Since the kids were behaving, I allowed them to stay up a little later and watch part of a Backyardigans movie. When it was time to go upstairs and get ready for bed, yup, you guessed it-Isabella had another melt down. She wanted to finish the movie and she wanted me to pick the bedtime story from HER Princess book. I explained that it was not fair that I choose from her book and that I would choose a story that we have not read in a long time. The night went down hill fast after that. Earlier in the day I had been yelled at by Mark for reprimanding Isabella for making a mess after I had just spent 2 hours cleaning. He constantly defends Isabella and accuses me of yelling at her when she has no control. I treat my children equally, however I do give her plenty of extra leniency. It is not fair to Joey who does not understand what the hell ADHD is. While Mark was attempting to get Isabella to brush her teeth, Joey entered to the bathroom to go potty. Attempting to get his father's attention, he slammed the toilet seat a few times. Joey got yelled at and shoved away. I entered the bathroom and said that it was not fair for him to yell at Joey and not Bella who has been out of control all afternoon. SO, Mark yells at me and attempts to show me what Joey was doing. That's when Mark broke the toilet seat and accused me of ruining the children. He said that the way I treat is Isabella is abuse because she is sick. We got into a horrible screaming match (in front of the children). I left the house because I was so upset and I needed to calm down.
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