Since most of the problems you are describing revolve around the same activity (homework) and you've obviously gone above and beyond the call of duty to try to get your son able to meet the demands of the school in relation to homework, have you tried reconsidering your perspective here? If it really is the homework that's turning your family life upside down, what can your son possibly be learning from it? I would be talking to the school at this point. No matter how good of a school it is, they are not going to know to help you with a problem you are taking sole responsibility for. Private school or not, they have an obligation to meet your son's needs, and if that means assigning only the homework he can handle, so be it. You may have to be a little more persistent about it than if your son was in a public school, but I think you'd be more than capable of that, from what you're describing so far. It also sounds like it may be a good idea to have your son tested, to see if there are any of those pesky co-occuring learning disabilities behind some of his problems. I think it's absolutely wonderful, beyond words, that you've found a school that has such a respectful atmosphere and great kids. I'd be willing to bet if you really shared with them what kinds of frustrations your whole family is having with this, they'd be able to work something out. Tutoring isn't the only option, or it may not be enough, by itself, to fix the whole homework problem. It may take a whole combination of assigning less (but just as meaningful) homework assignments, identifying any learning disabilities, or even identifying learning strategies that do and those that maybe don't work for your son. Your family time is valuable, so is your peace of mind, and your son's. For now, I'd try setting a definite cutoff time at night for homework, so that the next day isn't adversely affected by it, and write a note to the teacher explaining that if your son isn't able to complete everything by the cut-off time. I know that might sound counter-productive, but in the long run it's going to draw some attention to his difficulties, which he's not going to get help for if you don't, and there' s nothing wrong, in my opinion, with putting your family's sanity above some assignments that are likely to be not that vital to your son's education overall. Just think, what is your family, your son, and any other siblings going to remember most, getting a decent grade on homework, or nightly meltdowns? I'd say your absolutely well within your rights, as a parent, to put your foot down about how much time and effort goes into this homework thing, You just may find a lot of other problems easing if you don't have that battle on a regular basis. It also helps to have a tutor or coach that's experienced with AD/HD and/or learning disabilities (and how some of the smartest kids can have them) so that the strategies being used are ones that will really make a difference to your son. Anyway, I've been there (in case you can't tell!) and a just sincerely hope that things get better for your family.

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Hello,

My son is going to be a 4th. grader. (I'm already worried about this upcoming year). He is pretty much like your son and we had always struggle over homework. Until last year I used to pay for tutoring every summer, this year We decided to have a break and enjoy life. Our family stress begins when homework pressure is in.

No homework=no fights=Better family time. I realized that our money was not worth it paying for something that was getting us a lot of stress and he would not remember a thing. In our case, I'm hoping that time would bring maturity. He is not medicated (yet) We've been trying so many alternative treatments before meds. Now the time is approaching when we are running out of alternatives, we have tried: Neurofeedback, homeopathy, gluten free diet, fish oil and no remarkable results are on sight. It might be time to start thinking about meds. (That makes me feel so scared).

He used to be from K to 2 grade in a Catholic school. Catholic schools are great if your kid is not ADHD, they are very tough about homework and academics and since our son was not able to comply with the standards,keeping him in the Catholic school it was like setting him already for failure. Thus, we decide to move him to public school. Our life improve a little because I required to the school to minimize the homework (he has an IEP) Math for him is a challenge and this upcoming year he is going to have an alternative math program. My suggestion for you is to request the school to minimize the homework to get life a bit easier, I know that it does not fix the problem, since the problem is the attitude from the kids approaching the problem (My son would fight even if the homework is to put down his name on a piece of paper). Another thing that we used last year to get homework done, is to offer him the choice of doing H.W. at night or doing it at 7:00 am next morning. Then he'll be fresher next day to be more compliant (still there were fights but it was easier). The good thing about my son is that he would not go to school without his H.W.

You are not alone in this journey, we are facing the same challenges. I wish you a very successful school year. keep posting.

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My son is starting 3rd grade and I am not looking forward to what I consider to be excessive homework. We did get accomodations so will see how that goes. The best thing we ever did was have him go through the Cogmed program. It was a God send. His working memory is now better than mine! it also helped his math skills. I am wondering if your son is really not remembering what his tutor taught him because of working memory deficits. What you are describing with your sons' previous Medication problems sounds like the dose was to high. You described my son to a T. we cut the Adderall dose down to 2.5 mg in the morning and 2.5 in the afternoon and it worked like a charm. He was able to focus and yet not go within himselff and shut others out. The Pediatrician laughs and says he is just on a mere "whif" of medication, but it WORKS!! I do still get the fits about homework. who can blaame him....school work all day and then again when he gets home , trying to get it done before meds wear off (impossible). I am going to do a behavior modification chart for him tomorrow and see how that works as it has helped with bed time and practice reading.

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Hi! This is my first time posting. Just wanted to join in this thread and say US TOO! My son is in 6th grade/middle school. This has been a very, very difficult transition for him as the homework demand has increased significantly. He has an IEP, he sees the special educator, the school psychologist. They have been trying to help him get organized and keep him aware of what his homework is. One of his teachers is really great too. The other teachers haven't really been too involved, despite my attempts at communication. I am working on that.

That said, homework is AWFUL. He is so oppositional about it. He claims every single night that he doesn't understand it. He says he has done things when he hasn't. He claims he forgets materials. I am so frustrated I don't know what to do. I don't know how to help him at home and I end up throwing my hands in the air and giving up. He doesn't seem to really care about the responsibility AT ALL. Doesn't faze him that he isn't completing things.

I am obviously not adding any suggestions to your original post as I have none. Just chiming in to say that I hear you. Hopefully we can brainstorm together. I have had him do some homework in the morning. We do do meds. So I give him his meds, let him sleep a little longer and then get him up to do some work. Or to finish what he bailed out on the night before.

Anyway...glad you posted.

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oh ja!!! The homework wars. We know them well. Our daughter has ADD/ADHD and homework has been an issue since kindergarten too. Our daughter has a 504 plan, but unless the teachers are cooperative and willing to work w/ the child and parents, it means nothing. I've always asked the teachers for a reduction in our daughter's homework load. Or, at least a cap on the amount of time she spent on homework. Most teachers don't like to give 'special dispensation', but "tough" I always said. When homework creates such disruption and horrific stress in the home (and believe me, I know EXACTLY what that's about too), there's a problem. And when an ADD/ADHD kid has had to 'keep it together' all day at school, they need and deserve time to decompress and just be a kid and play...not spend the rest of the day and evening fighting to stay focused on homework.

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Check out the video of the book Being In Control in the video section of this magazine. There are many yoga and Zen type relaxation focusing exercises and learning strategies in a colorful form . If your son likes the book video , then consider the newer version with more details and live demonstrations of the techniques. It is easy to stream on Amazon.com.

Being In Control : Natural Solutions for ADHD Dyslexia and Test Anxiety is the newer version.

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