Hello one and all. I haven't been fired 9 times. All other times I quit before "incompetence" is labeled or I will get laid off. I was diagnosed with ADD and depression...oh must be almost 10 years ago. At that point, I think I was in my 6th job. I am on 30mg of Adderall (generic)/ 3X per day, to which I may forget to take one or 2 doses...or maybe even miss days. My alarm watch goes off, but I am so involved with the equipment, I put it off or forget it completely. I do see a psychologist. This last job, I worked for a monster size international company. I was fired for doing something incredibly stupid that was TOTALLY preventable, if I ONLY could have thought clearly for just 1 minute. It was such a pointless, stupid mistake in judgement. I was supposed to perform a test after a simple fix on a piece of equipment. The customer, after leaving for the day before I completed the repair, didn't have the necessary supplies. After looking EVERYWHERE to make it up myself, I could not find any of this test material. So, I am thinking, this was a real simple repair (10 minutes), and prior "testing" showed the equipment was in good order before, I looked over and checked everything on the system...all ok. Again, no people on site to ask where the test material was. Looked for some again. Here was the really stupid thing I did. I wrote up on the report that I did the testing on the system when I actually did not do it, thinking "they need to test the system first thing in the morning anyway. If any other problems, they will just call for service again." The next day, while at an all day Drs visit, I get the text msg..."site went down, did you to the testing after fix?" My heart sank. Panicking, the next stupid thing I did was to try to cover it up by lying about it saying "yes, I did do the tests" when I knew they could easily confirm it on the machine. After over 22 years working on this type of equipment, I have never lied on a service call before this, and I still cannot believe I did! What the hell came over me?????!!!!! I felt so stupid and guilty about lying, I immediately called my mgr and told him the complete truth...all of it, BEGGING forgiveness to all, but accepting responsibility. Reports had to be made and it eventually went up the chain of command to the Pres of the division. I had 2 levels recommend hitting me with heavy reprimand because I was a good worker. Upper management differed in opinion. I could have prevented all of this. All I had to say was that I did NOT do the tests on the system and write a note asking them do it in the morning! I lost it all; Co car, internet privileges, benefits, and a good paycheck (albeit long hours). And in a crappy economy! I will most likely not be able to collect unemployment so I am doomed. WHAT AN IDIOT I AM!!! The 2 calling for reprimand said the decision to terminate was "a surprise and a shock." Now I have put my family's welfare in jeopardy! I went to my psychologist and balled my eyes out telling him what I did and that I wanted it all to end...everything! My psychologist says it's the ADD causing all of this…talked me out of it. But my God, am I the worst of the worst??? I know this sounds more like a confession, but it goes to a deeper problem that I struggle with. One which I have to lie or exaggerate to cover my ADD/memory deficiencies. I want to believe I am a hard and good worker. If someone calls for help, I will be the first to volunteer. I am the guy who will stay late to make sure the problem is fixed and the customer is happy. Unfortunately, repairs that should take 1/2 hour usually turn into 2.5 hours when I do it. I am very self critical, and I am trying to improve. I try to do planners, both electronic and paper, notes, mnemonics...everything. Can't seem to do it for more than a day or 2 because of distractions or it just doesn't seem to help. And the ADD/memory issues are getting worse, along with the depression, with age. I am having trouble remembering something that was said to me 5 minutes ago. Many times my colleagues saying "I am sure we talked about this before..." When I leave voicemails, it regularly takes me 10 or 15 renditions to clearly state something. Just typing this thread out, I am moving stuff around, retyping, adding and subtracting. I am at the end of my rope! I am depressed ALL THE TIME, weeping on and off. Anxiety makes my internals feel like they are rotting out! I have lost all my friends. My wife is just about fed up with the whole thing. I can see it affecting my daughter. When I call my loving family for solace, even though they deny it, I sense them saying, "Oh God, not again!" I no longer have a car, no health insurance, no luck, no self confidence or self esteem, probably no house after paying 13 years of a 15 year mortgage. I just can’t take it any more!!!

Quote