reading your post I saw all the things that you've done for him (like being there with him when his mother passed) but what has he done for you and your kids?

I can also tell you this, old habits might go away for a long time (like being abusive, infidelty) but sooner or later they come to the surface again, or manifest in a different way than before, but still the same problem. Has he recieved treatment for abusive behavior?

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Blame can easily go both ways, unless both parties are strong and secure the woman or man or both will generally blame the other. This may or may not be what's happening in your situation, but, if even one of you can't compromise then the relationship may crumble.

They say that Relationships merely need love to last, but it's the ability to compromise, be adaptable, and communicate that are the major indicators as to whether or not the relationship has long term potential.

From the sound of it, you already know what needs to be done in your heart. Don't be afraid to be alone, it's better to be alone and longing for a relationship then to be in a relationship that hurts your heart and soul.

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He has a history of abuse, and you report that you have had serious arguments. When the two of you have had couples therapy, he has not follow through on working on those issues. So while it isn't clear, I wonder whether or not he has gotten help for his abuse of previous partners (assuming it is not his children - but if so, then your way should be very clear). The strife around how he treats his children will not go away - and even more to the point, he will become your own children's father. A history of abuse, breaking vows and going outside the relationship for sex, anger, self-centeredness - you are not only selecting a husband, but choosing a father for your children.

As someone with ADHD, you need a stable, reliable partner and co-parent to your own children. As a woman doing your best in a complicated situation, you deserve a partner who is willing to work on his own issues - and not just say that he is. You have given him chances to "work things out"...but he has not done so. His extreme promises trying to keep you ("at all costs") sound more manipulative than mature. Loving him won't change him - only he can do that with the help of a therapist. You have given him several years to demonstrate that he has changed from his turbulent history, but he hasn't. Wish him well in his own healing journey, and get yourself and your children out from under his chaotic roof. Good luck.

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