I am an ADD mom of two ADHD boys as well. My oldest is 18 and my youngest is 14. We all have anxiety complicating our AD/HD. My youngest son has had a hard time keeping friends, too. It helps me to keep in mind that it is ok for him to have just one or two friends, and to not stress about having more, Not everyone has tons of friends! I like to remember that he is also in a difficult stage, and that all kids struggle in middle school socially, either trying to be at the "popular table" or not to be thought of as a geek....yuch! Wouldn't go back to those days for anything. I try not to put pressure on him to be more social than he is comfortable being, as in joining clubs or going to events. I try to appreciate him for who he is. I try to encourage him to branch out, but AD/HD kids have so much pressure already, so I do try to chill even though I get disappointed when he doesn't want to go to something I think he would enjoy. All in good time. It helps that I have seen my older son go through the same, and by the end of H.S. finally he joined a club and went to 2 football games and even homecoming!!! I used to really worry for my oldest, but it didn't help, he had his own timetable, so with my youngest I try to encourage but not let myself stress about it. Kids learn by example, so if they can see thier dad or mom with healthy friendships, I think it is positive for them, so my husband includes the kids sometimes when he hangs with his friends. It also helps me to remember that AD/HD kids are about 3 years behind emotionally and socially of non=AD/HDers, so it's ok if they bring home a friend who is several years younger. Sometimes I really have to work hard to hold my tongue that my helpful advice doesn't go overboard. I make suggestions, like "why don't you call Tyler this time to hang out. If you reciprocate an invitation, he'll know you appreciate his friendship." but I really want to say, "turn off that TV and call a friend!!" I can make him turn off the TV, but the call a friend part, he has to work up to that. It can be a hard line to straddle for me.

It's awesome you are using organizational tools. Teenagers watch what you are doing more than they listen to you. Lead by example, explain why you are doing the things you do. It is so hard to be an AD/HD mom of AD/HD boys, buy hang in there! Don't freak if you have to relax your expectations (OK, so I wouldn't have chosen the kid who never takes off his hoodie from his head and looks down all the time, but hey, you like him, and I bet you can be the one to help him take it off when it's 90 degrees outside). Now, it's time to take care of you. Deep breaths and bubble baths, or whatever is your cup of tea. It's a must.

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Hi again ! I think I am hyper-focusing on this thread! Can't get it out of my mind! Think it is because I am such a social ADDer, and so it has been hard to watch my boys struggle. OK, here is another idea:

When my oldest was in middle school his resource counselor (the one who oversaw his IEP, cant remember her exact title) started a lunch time group that met once a week in her office. It was all boys, abut 5 of them, picked out by the counselor. I am sure she picked boys who were all suffering with social awkwardness. My son felt special that he was picked, got to eat in her office, and learned to like the other kids. See if your son's middle school will have such a group.

Also, I must add that it is important to address any co-morbid disorders that might come with your son's AD/HD. For my boys, I had to address the anxiety with counseling and medication. I am sure it goes without saying that letting kids try out things like cub/boy scouts, sports, camps, extra-curriculur classes, etc., is great, but I had to keep my expectations in check as the results weren't always what I wanted or expected. You can really stress yourself out if you want your kids to be something they are not ready or made to be. We made our kids try things during the elementary years, but remember that making a pre-teen or teenager do things he doesn't want to do can backfire.

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