I would start with counseling. Even if he won't go, you could benefit from a little extra support. Your boyfriend is lucky to have someone that is willing to be there for him unfortunately if he isn't willing to accept your help then the chance for change is impaired. Good Luck

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Many of ADDers can be very short tempered; but it not always due to the ADD itself. It has to do with the years of constant belittling . Yes belittling . Do you realize you said his fights are stupid. It would be very interesting if you let him yell out loud and listen quietly and tell him what you hear if ithe fights would go better. It also a big thing ; but it not always easy is to self reflect and see what you contribute to the problem and realizing what you can change. He also needs to self reflect and may unfortunately never get done. My advice if it worth saving is therapy for the two fo you; but if it not to be . Take the time self reflect.

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While I don't disagree with the other replies I do have some thoughts on the issue that you've brought up. I think that this behavior is the most destructive one that presents itself with ADHD. I don't know if I've met another ADHD-er who doesn't fly off the handle when discussing some simple, often times unimportant, topic. I do it and it is the thing that I am working the hardest to change. I can deal with forgetting and I can explain being late but I can't live with or respect myself for treating my partner the way that I do in these situations and I at least am going to put an end to it.

But moving on...do most of your fights happen in the evening? Does your boyfriend seem more likely to erupt at night? Is he taking any medication?

I think the space between you is a good idea and it can really give you both time to think about what the relationship really means to you. In the past my girlfriend and I have used an instant messenger like google talk to practice communicating. It gives me a chance to sit and read (listen) what she is writing and respond with a meaningful reply in a loving and caring way. There is no interrupting, no raising of voices and so much less emotion. Maybe its silly but it has worked for me so I thought I'd mention it.

You seem very loving and supportive of your boyfriend which is wonderful. I started writing about my life with ADHD a few weeks a go, maybe you'd find some of it interesting. I talk a lot about my relationships and how those have impacted my life. If you're interested check it out ... http://myfastmind.wordpress.com

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I read a little of your blogs and I have to say that there are huge relativity to what you were talking about (your ADD) and my "ex's"... I believe he is the same way as you, He is smart and went through high school with flying colors without even bringing a book home... HE IS THE SAME EXACT WAY...he's career, he does SO WELL in as well..He is a firefighter, and a good one at that.

The problem is, he thinks that he isnt in love with me anymore, he says he loves me a lot but he thinks he isnt in love with me. But I believe with all my heart that he is just simply frustrated with all the little fighting, its been going on for a long time. I tried to help him go to the therapist etc. but he'd simply forget or maybe he just doesnt want to go. I am more than willing to help him, I LOVE HIM, its just that it doesnt seem like he is convinced that everything is brought upon his uncontrolled ADD. He has a lot of resentment, frustration from all the fighting because there is all this LOVE but all this fighting.... He is looking at our relationship as NORMAL, but in all reality, it isnt normal because dealing with a person who has ADD is totally different, the relationship isnt normal. I want to know, how I can help him see this. I love him way too much and I dont want to lose him... I want to help him..But I guess time is not on my side right now, this saturday, he is going to give me his final decision...Wether to get back together or not. As you can tell, Im definately heart broken...I am..and even if he has broken my heart, even he has said and done things to me, I am still willing to help him, because that is how much I love him... What else can I do?We havent spoken in about 2 weeks now. And Me being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, it isnt helping...Im in constant Anxiety! I have learned to controll my GAD and continually taking my meds, and I have to also admit that some of the blow ups also were my fault, But I dont want him to waste something that was so beautiful. I was wondering maybe if you talk to him and share your experiences, it might help...but I just dont know anymore...I just think that he doesnt believe me, and that I am using ADD as an excuse...What could I do??!?!

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So if I sounded abrupt I apologize. Add and relationships are proably the number one stressor in any ADDers life. We process so much so differently than the "normal Person" that a innocent statement can often does get blown out of proportion. If you want him to know what you feel it maybe to your benfit to call or e-mail him and tell him preferably to his answring machine then to him . The reason I say this ; if tomorrow is his D-day it would be to your benefit to get it out on the table; otherwise you may never get to tell him. As far as he thinks things are normal it is because it is "FOR HIM" There are many relationship book about ADD and how to deal with them. Sometimes I think it is a more male thing to yell ; my husband not ADD but definetly yells more than I do. Me I tend to ignore which drives him crazy. I found trying to yell over him would just be more noise than anything else. if you two do get back together one day leave a recorder that is voice activated and play himself back to him; he may never realize how he sounds until he actually hears himself. You my dear still needs to self reflect it doesn't hurt ;and if you two are together you don't want to make the same mistakes that will occur if you both fall into the same pattern of behavior and you don't want to that. It was and still is good advice to go to therapy for yourself, it may take weeks, months before you will get him there. Tell him the doctor wants to see him because of your GAD he maybe more likely to do it if it not for him . Please remeber ADD/ADHD can be very frustrating for the person who usually has a very high IQ and can't do the everything does, communicate well , finish things ,impulse control and yes the thrill seeking are just some of the issues. I have men I am really good friends with , love them ;but never would i live or marry them because love them I may but living together would bring out the worse side of me.He may be one. I do wish you luck Today was a much better day (Judi)

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As the spouse of a man who was just recently diagnosed with ADD a little over a year ago I will tell you that you need to be prepared for life with an ADD man. It takes a lot of patience, gentleness and understanding. I will also say it very well may not be worth it unless he will get treatment. Even if you have to hold his hand and take him to his appointment it will be worth it.

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