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Thread : 13-Yr Old ADHD Girl -- Making/Keeping Friends...breaks my heart  
8 Jul 2010 @ 5:23 PM
AMV Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
Threads: 1 Posts: 5
13-Yr Old ADHD Girl -- Making/Keeping Friends...breaks my heart

I am new to this board and have spent the last hour going thru old posts...and its true what they say about finding comfort in others that are in the same situation. I have a 13 yr old beautiful daughter with ADHD. I have watched her struggle trying to maintain friends. She makes friends, but then they "go away". Alot of the comments that I am hearing from her is that her friends think she is "annoying". She tries so hard to fit in and be accepted, but the things that come out of her mouth (nothing rude, but at times insensitive and she doesn't think before she speaks) tends to drive people away. She starts off well, makes friends, but it doesn't last long. The heartbreaking part is that she is aware of her ADHD and her challenges - and has often cried "why am I like this, why can't I be normal?". My son (10) and youngest daughter (8) have been invited more times to birthday parties, play dates, etc than my 13 yr old could ever hope to be...she see's that also. I try to "cover" it up by making special dates with her...going to the mall, etc. At times, I have felt that I have actually "begged" people to ne her friend...being the mom that is the hostess, chauffeur, etc. Summer just started and she has yet to "hang out" with anyone - she is lonely and I can see it. I don't even know what to say anymore. She does pretty well in school, but is not interested in any extracurricular activites, even though we have told her that she needs to pick 1 - 2 things to get involved in. She is very immature (comes with the territory I guess) and would rather hang out with younger kids, such as 11 yr olds, but even the 11 yr olds (the more mature ones) tend to start move away after a while....I am looking for any advice...and comments...any hope....

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12 Jul 2010 @ 9:31 AM Reply # 1
mjlatta375 Join Date: Mon 12th Jul 2010
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I feel exactly like you...

We have a 13-year-old son who has been struggling now since he was very young with ADD. He acts very socially immature with his peers. As an attempt to help him - we had him held back in school at the fourth grade level. We recently started him on medications after trying ALL other alternatives. He is big for his age and much bigger than most of his friends and classmates. I often say to my spouse he is like a 14-15 year old boy in a 9 year old body. He is very smart - but due to his lack of focus had been strugling in school. He is overly sensitive and gets his feelings hurt VERY easily. He has a couple of acquaintances/friends - but like your daughter spends most of his time alone. We have two older boys as well - both always busy and very socially active. I often notice him trying too hard to be his big brother, too hard to be someone he is not, and the children he goes to school with can be cruel.

He is a sweetheart and it breaks my heart to see him struggling and hurt over and over. He plays sports and is especially good at football. His teammates appreciate him there, but treat him like dirt and call him a baby or "spaz" otherwise, you can see the hurt in his face when he tries to make light of their comments or ignore them. Please tell me this gets better for him as he grows older!

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13 Jul 2010 @ 6:00 AM Reply # 2
JSale Join Date: Tue 13th Jul 2010
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17 yr old

You are so not alone. My child is 17, bright, funny, and alone. You could have written your post about him when referring to your 13 yr. old. He was only diagnosed this year. He, like your daughter, makes friends easily but, loses them after a while. He's not into sports and they all are. It is truly heartbreaking. If I had answers for you, I'd give them to you. I just want you to know you're not alone. : )

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13 Jul 2010 @ 11:59 AM Reply # 3
AMV Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
Threads: 1 Posts: 5
13 Yr Old ADHD Girl - Making Keeping Friends

Thank you for your replies - it doesn't make it easier but it is a weird sort of comfort knowing that I am not alone...there was a reply on hoping that it gets better as they get older and I too have that hope. I teach her everyday - if she says something that doesn't make sense, I will try and correct her, it's like teaching a small child every time - she says that she "gets it" and tells me to stop lecturing her (of coarse we are also dealing with the 13 yr old hormones). I am trying to find social groups that she could join, maybe other kids with ADHD, but it seems like they are very rare - or not in my area. I overheard her tell my youngest child that I am her bestfriend...as much as that makes me happy, I just wanted to cry...just one true friend is all I ask for her to have...I wish that I had the answers, but i will post any new ideas, revelations on here and welcome everyone to do the same -- we can have a vrtual support group :>)

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13 Jul 2010 @ 2:09 PM Reply # 4
dkmtw Join Date: Fri 1st Aug 2008
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making/keeping friends

I am turning 42 years old and this has been the story of my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD when my son was diagnosed at 13. It can be very difficult and I still struggle with "why can't I keep friends?" I think it's hard because we are intense and impulsive and not everyone can handle that. I tend to have intense friendships that eventually fizzle out. I am coming to cope with it and just enjoy the friendships that I have while they last. The important thing is that I found a GREAT spouse and my marriage has always been healthy and stable so that is a saving grace. I guess I'm telling you this because I would suggest you try reframing it for her. It is her "normal"--and she's not alone. It's just a different "style" of having friendships. I would like to stop comparing myself to others who I always view as having these great lifelong friendships and feel bad that (other than my marriage) I can't seem to have that. Instead, I'm trying to focus on the good. Enjoying the friendships I have for what they are and for however long they last. We get what we need from each other for that time, then it's time to move on to the next relationship and what it has to offer. As long as that's with friends, and not with love relationships as she gets older, I think she can view it in a way that is healthy and not beat herself up so much over it. Also, I think if she focuses less on "making and keeping friends" and finding the activities that she is passionate about, she WILL make and keep friends more easily. It's sort of like the stereotypical women in her 30s who is desperate to get married--the more desperate we try to find/keep friends, the less likely we'll be able to do that. If she shifts her focus to pursuing her passions, friendships will occur more naturally. That's my two cents...

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13 Jul 2010 @ 2:24 PM Reply # 5
..so tired Join Date: Thu 25th Jun 2009
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making friends

I am 35 Female who was diagnosed just 2 yrs ago w/ AHDH. Mother has always wanted me in counseling (1 of many reasons) because Ive always had a hard time keeping friends (making them was easy).. One of my best friends (male) I've known since 5 years old came back into my life recently after many years. He said I was just like a cat..I'll be chasing this..then will turn and start chasing that... What I'm trying to say is that having ADHD means we can hear this, chase that, say this...all at same time. Others around us dont know how to handle it. I think of myself as having many friends but none want to hang very long w/ me because I simply, wear them out!!! And I would say some of my closest relationships our w those that are bi-polar and such...They can handle me and me them...

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13 Jul 2010 @ 2:24 PM Reply # 6
..so tired Join Date: Thu 25th Jun 2009
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making friends

I am 35 Female who was diagnosed just 2 yrs ago w/ AHDH. Mother has always wanted me in counseling (1 of many reasons) because Ive always had a hard time keeping friends (making them was easy).. One of my best friends (male) I've known since 5 years old came back into my life recently after many years. He said I was just like a cat..I'll be chasing this..then will turn and start chasing that... What I'm trying to say is that having ADHD means we can hear this, chase that, say this...all at same time. Others around us dont know how to handle it. I think of myself as having many friends but none want to hang very long w/ me because I simply, wear them out!!! And I would say some of my closest relationships are w those that are bi-polar and such...They can handle me (keep up) and me them...Medication has helped in this area, at least my family can handle my little better, or maybe its because now we have an answer (which has helped few my friends cope w me more too..)

Dont want to discourage you. I think most important is to keep them busy (w/ hobbies). And remember we dont learn like most people. My whole life I have taken about 3 years of piano lessons (5yrs old, 10, and 16)..my last teacher could not believe how little instruction I have had. Our brains tend to want a little instruction..then we go w it , coming back only when ready to receive more.. Mean while we excel at the art. So if seems like your childs interests are always changing and you think you should put limitations on this..might be better to give in. Plus it's a positive atmosophere to encourage making friends. Good luck!!

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Last edited by ..so tired : 13 Jul 2010 @ 2:40 PM. Reason: wasnt finished
13 Jul 2010 @ 2:57 PM Reply # 7
LoraLeigh Join Date: Fri 21st May 2010
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44 year old ADHD adult

When I read your comment and the replies I understand why my mother was Girl Scout cookie chairman three years in a row. I remember watching her defend me and open our house for neighborhood kids to come and play. I was teased and picked on just like your kids. Somehow the kids that played with me in early elementary school all dissociated themselves or became tormentors as we neared the teenage years. I learned to play stupid like I didn’t notice the snide comments or hurtful jokes. It was a lonely time and I got in lots of trouble at school. I ended up in private schools for emotionally challenged kids for most of high school. I was allowed to excel and work with my gift/challenge and make friends with other kids that were socially marginalized.

I made more of my life than most of the bullies I encountered in school. I am certainly happier and at peace with who I am. Over the years I have developed friendships with people that were able to value me for my fierce loyalty, compassion, intelligence, curiosity, and passion. I have kept those fiends and make new ones as I encounter quality people. I am still challenged when connecting with social clicks. I will never be one of the cool and popular people. Some people are superficial and insecure so they like to identify people that are different to make themselves feel better. I am no longer in high school and now understand those people make superficial friends. I wish you all the best, Laura

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Last edited by LoraLeigh : 13 Jul 2010 @ 2:59 PM. Reason:
13 Jul 2010 @ 4:18 PM Reply # 8
ceebee Join Date: Fri 12th Sep 2008
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13yr old ADHD daughter

Oh heart broken mama....I know EXACTLY what you are experiencing!!! You could have been writing about our daughter, when you wrote your post. Our youngest daughter gets invited to a party about once or twice a year--that's it. Most all of her friends attend an average of 1-2 parties a month. Your daughter will find her way but it is heart wrenching for the parent. We have two ADD daughters--our oldest one was always the 'follower' and shy. This served her well b/c it didn't create conflict w/ friends or with socializing--whatever they said, my oldest went along with it. But our youngest daughter (14), is more of a 'leader' and extremely independent. She speaks her mind...she's not afraid to say something if whatever it is isn't 'right'. But this doesn't serve her so well b/c she often speaks out of order, or interrupts or tries to tweak the 'rules' and all this really does annoy others. In fact, it often annoys me too! (if I can be so honest here folks). But deep down, she is a good kid and she struggles to prove that to others. When she was about 9, I was just so saddened that she was never invited to anyone's home to play ( or if she was invited, she was never invited back). I would ask parents for feedback when I picked up our daughter, like "Did everything go well? Did J mind her manners?" Parents would tell me, yes, they really enjoyed having her over; unfortunately, she would never be asked over a second time; I can only think that it was the other kid who just didn't enjoy that playtime w/ my child and it wasn't b/c the parents found my child to be disrespectful or out of control. As difficult as it is to never have a break from having kids at our house (yes, parents need a break from time to time, just in case anyone is aghast from this) I decided that instead of wishing, wanting or organizing a play date for our daughter at someone else's house, I decided that, for our daughter's sake, I would just plan on having play dates or get-togethers at our house from then on. The fact is, I've never had a parent refuse to allow their child to come over, and every time we've invited a friend over, they most always could and wanted to come over. In this way, (although draining on us parents), we could be assured that our daughter was having the social interaction she wanted and needed. Now that isn't to say that our daughter doesn't recognize that others don't invite her over still--she most certainly does notice and it continues to break my heart; but I remind her that her friends are lucky to have a fun-loving friend like her who is willing to open up her home and her room (yes, she needs to clean it beforehand!) in order to have them as their guest! Hang in there, broken-hearted mom--they all grow up and find their way:)

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13 Jul 2010 @ 5:37 PM Reply # 9
CantFocus Join Date: Wed 13th Feb 2008
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Sounds familiar...

AMV - your daughter's story sounds like my son's. He has friends at school, but the invites to go over to a buddy's house have deminished. Meanwhile keeping track of his sister's social life is a full time job. When I was talking to my son about it, he says he isn't lonely, but I always feel he's missing out on things. My son's interest in Karate gave way to snow boarding and cooking classes, so I can't say this is working for us anymore, but you might consider it... An individual sport like martial arts might help. It can help with self esteem and control, and that might help her find ways to control other things in her life. Even through it's a individual sport, she would be learning within a group. At times doing things on her own and at times, like sparring, she would be paired up and work with another student. I help teach karate and always see a bit of social interaction between some of the students. If she clicks with someone from class she might try getting together to practice outside of the dojo. I absolutely don't recommend doing anything like sparring, but stretching and practicing kata (patterns) together might be a good way to keep the friendship on track. You might have to go around to different places and checkout the classes and instructors to find a place that you feel comfortable with, that isn't going to try to commit you to buying gear and a year of membership. Also, remember that Karate isn't about learning how to beat up on someone, and sparring in class is a constant exercise in self control. With good supportive instructors it can be a great experience, and what she learns can influence other aspects of her life. You may also find a place that has summer camps your daughter could get into. If you consider looking into it further and want some hints on what to look for and what to avoid in a dojo, let me know. You can send a private message or post on this thread. If you don't think martial arts is to you or your daughter's liking, perhaps think about yoga or something similar where meditation and body movement and control are involved.

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13 Jul 2010 @ 5:39 PM Reply # 10
tink5972 Join Date: Wed 16th Sep 2009
Threads: 2 Posts: 6
Understand

My granddaughter is 13 and I have a mixed situation with her. She would rather spend time alone than to hang out with friends. It's tough to even drag her out of the apartment anymore. She has friends from school and I've always been told by teachers and her psychologist that she is well liked and very popular. She too takes things and situations to heart and is sensitive, doesn't always understand social cues and I have to try and get her to see things in another light. I try to encourage her to phone her friends but she does "not" like talking on the phone. She was invited to two sleepovers in the past and they went horribly. When I picked her up from the last one she had various personal articles, especially a couple of DS games that went missing and were never returned. Needless to say with the lack of sleep she was crying all the way home.

In school the boys especially pick on her, this past year was the worst!!!! She's way too trusting and naive and had her cell stolen, her fingers smashed in a door...was threatened because she was friends with another girl. I've always tried to tell her, just a small number of true friends are alot better than a slew of those who are backstabbers. In group situations she will always have the younger kids all around her, but she too has also been called "weird". She'll also spurt out things that are out there and I watch other people's expressions. I too am wondering if the future will look better than life is now. I wish I could find a support group in my area that's not too far. Sometimes you just feel so alone ...

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13 Jul 2010 @ 6:40 PM Reply # 11
AMV Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
Threads: 1 Posts: 5
It's Amazing How...

Its amazing how every single post resonates a "Oh My God, just like my situation..." reaction from me. From the 44-yr old sharing her experience growing up and what it has been like to the rest of you that have shared their stories. Yes, I have volunteered to be her Girl Scout leader when she did girl scouts, I volunteered to help with her cheerleading squad when she cheered, I ask the other parents if she has done something/said something wrong at a friend's house and wonder why SHE is never invite but my husband and I are the forever hosts at our house. She has come out and said "it would be nice to be invited once in a while" to a point that she would invite herself (I have spoken to her about this because it puts her and the friend in an awkward position). I hate to say this because this is not who I am, but the thing that she has going for her is that she is a very beautiful girl so she has the initial attention from both girls and boys, but then it wears off...and they feel like she is annoying and weird. She does have a great sense of humor, is loyal and compassionate, and as someone stated in their thread, it take special people to appreciate that and my hope as she gets older will be that she will find those friends. She has struggled this past year (7th grade), she wanted to much to be part of the popular crowd, but it backfired, and instead it was a challenge of a year. She is now entering her last year of middle school and am working with her to notice certain things and observe social cues. When she was diagnosed with ADHD she was also diagnosed with a non-verbal disability, which put together is just a nightmare for socialization. Her neurologist does not see the non verbal disability any longer, but social cues is sometime tough...An example of her impulsivity this past week...she has a friend who lives in the niegborhood that has known my daugher for a long time (since kindergarten) and finally this past year, I actually told the friend about my daughter's ADHD, I don't know why, I have actually told a couple of parents and friends that she has had, I believe now part of my desperation that people/her friends will have empathy and not shut her out? I went from not wanting anyone to know to now just letting people know so that they will maybe have more patience, more understanding, compassion? Not sure. Anyways, my daugher invited this friend over to swim. The friend said no, she doesn't "do pools or swimming". I should mention that this friend is overweigt and very slef conscious on putting on a bathing suit. Once the friend said no, my daughter said "why not? you can come over, it will just be me and you, are you embarassed about putting a bathing suit on"? It was a momen of "uh-oh". The girl said no, but you could tell she shut down. I explained to my D what and why that may have made the friend uncomfortable... For the mom that says it would be nice to have a break at her house and have the daughter go to a friends house, I agree!!!! For the rare times that she has been out, I have been on Cloud Nine - because to her, and me, its a huge deal... Thank you all for posting, as I sit her and type as my family plays Monopoly on a rainy tuesday night, I am grateful to have a place in which I can come and find some comfort and try to find some solutions...

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13 Jul 2010 @ 6:56 PM Reply # 12
AMV Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
Threads: 1 Posts: 5
For TINK5972

I just reread your post and it breaks my heart. My daughter also had some issues with 2 boys on her team (middle school divides the kids into teams) and she many times has come home crying because they are downright nasty to her. That is one thing that I will NOT tolerate. I went to the school and met with the counselor, I had her removed from any projects in class that she would have to interact with the boys and told the Principal that if they didn't take action for the bullying, I would, by calling the police to the school. Things are difficult for these kids as it is, but dealing with downright bullying I will not tolerate - ever. My two other children who are considered "popular" (the irony) I have speeched over and over again that I better not ever catch them bullying anyone, not even TALKING about someone who may be different. Someone posted on this thread tha bully's are people who have no confidence and self esteem therefore target in on those who are different and easy targets. I have told my daughter that -- these boys are missing something in their lives, are sad inside....but after a while I just want to go rip their heads off and ask them if they feel GOOD about being nasty little creatures. My daugher had 2 bully girls come up to her at school and accuse her of talking about them...she has never. She defended herself and it blew over, but gosh - does it end? One of the girls actually got suspended from school, so that is a sign of what and who she is... I think that our job is to instill as much confidence as possible in our ADHD kids, shower them with love and support, help them build their strength from within...so that they can face what is out in this sometimes very cruel world. Look into your town Recreation department for different support groups. Our town does have a 5 week session for parents/guardians of children with ADHD. If you call the town Rec dept they may be able to point you in the right direction.

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14 Jul 2010 @ 11:27 PM Reply # 13
ceebee Join Date: Fri 12th Sep 2008
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For AMV

Oh my goodness! I know that feeling well....the mama bear instinct! We have a 24yr old (w/ ADD as well), and if I hadn't seen for myself that an (ADD/ADHD) kid will eventually find their way and adapt, I don't think I could be as 'calm' as I am now, doing a second round w/ our youngest! Let's face it....junior high sucks!!! It's an age of cliques, rumors, name-calling, backstabbing, awkwardness and hormonal fury! Add this to ADD/ADHD and it's the perfect storm. But I guarantee you, by mid 8th grade, things will start to mellow out BIG TIME. So there is hope:) Really, there is:) And you will see your daughter find ways to deal w/ her wonderful uniqueness and the volatile relationships peter out. In the meantime, hang w/ us moms and dads that are experiencing the same heartaches as you:) We'll get through it together!

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14 Jul 2010 @ 11:41 PM Reply # 14
ceebee Join Date: Fri 12th Sep 2008
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reply to Tink5972

Yes, so often I feel completely alone w/ the struggles, raising our tomorrow-will-be-fourteen yr old daughter. This recluse behavior is not necessarily abnormal for this age group. Often our daughter comes home and goes straight to her room and just flops in bed and texts for the longest time in a completely dark room! I too, try to get her to do something else, like get out side for awhile, ride a bike, have someone over, bake something w/ me...anything! But her answer is almost always "No...I'm tired". For a while there, I thought she was depressed and I expressed concern to her psychiatrist --he asked her a few questions and told me she wasn't depressed at all. I think that she just gets tuckered out trying to stay on task and focused --I believe that ADD/ADHD kids expend a great deal of mental energy throughout the day. I hope you can find a support group in your area--if not, you always have us! :)

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Last edited by ceebee : 14 Jul 2010 @ 11:42 PM. Reason:
15 Jul 2010 @ 11:11 AM Reply # 15
tink5972 Join Date: Wed 16th Sep 2009
Threads: 2 Posts: 6
ceebee...ah, the subject of riding a bike?

Funny you should mention riding a bike in your reply....my husband and I have endlessly attempted to get our granddaughter to learn to ride since she's been younger. She's resisted all our attempts with this phrase "I don't see the purpose in learning to ride" and "I don't have to do it because everyone else does". We've tried countless times to get her to see what she is missing out on but to no avail.

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15 Jul 2010 @ 2:22 PM Reply # 16
CRAFTMASTERK Join Date: Tue 16th Feb 2010
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In the same boat!

My 11 year old son insists that he has lots of friends, but continually tries to invite kids over and nobody ever comes. I found him on the front swing when I got home from work yesterday, holding his cellphone and our home phone, just waiting for someone to call him back out of the 6 kids that he called to invite over, but nobody ever did call back. Once in a while he will get invited to another house down the road to play with 3 brothers, but that doesn't last long and he comes home upset. The kid nextdoor always says he has to go somewhere, but then he sees him outside playing. My son is very heartbroken and so are we. I try to do as much as I can with him, but it isn't the same as him having friends his own age. He also does not get social cues, and other kids sometimes find him annoying. He was recently diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome in addition to his ADHD. We are going to try to get him into a social skills group out of the area, since there are none close to us, and he also wants nobody to know about his problems, so that makes it more difficult. I hope things get better for us and everyone else out there.....One day at a time!

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16 Jul 2010 @ 2:54 PM Reply # 17
pamom Join Date: Wed 2nd Jan 2008
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It's so hard

Oh boy...this one hits so close to home. My daughter is 15-ADD with processing and speech delays. As they all seem to be-heart of gold, loyal, funny-the list goes on. But outside of a lunch table that is kind-there is just no one. The phone doesn't ring. Here is it the middle of summer-and her only social activities have been with the family. I will say Facebook has been a help. At least there you can write comments and be a part of something-without having to maintain a fluid conversation with eye contact. We also have a son-whose social calendar is packed all the time. I have to have him silence his phone because I don't want his sister to feel bad that he's constantly getting calls and texts. Always wondering how much he will resent some of this down the road. Sigh. Thanks for the ears.

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19 Jul 2010 @ 2:49 PM Reply # 18
rhm46 Join Date: Wed 16th Apr 2008
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Making and keeping friends

My ten year old son has the same problem. He is very good at making friends, but has trouble keeping his friends. He has played soccer, baseball and we even tried camp this year in hope this will help. He often tells me that other children think he is annoying and are often very mean to him. He just can't understand why they first like him and then are mean. I really didn't know what to say. I breaks my heart when he tells me the children ignore him. Even at his scout troop. We talk about what happened and how he can do things differentlly. He is so friendly and outgoing. It just hurts to hear him say he wants a best friend. He has some friends at school but it hasn't translated to playdates outside of school. I can't find any social skills group in our area. I am really at a lost.

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19 Jul 2010 @ 9:47 PM Reply # 19
AMV Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
Threads: 1 Posts: 5
facebook?

Someone mentioned that their son/daughter is on facebook and it seems to have helped...I am curious if you have ever worried about your child being a "target" on FB with those that he/she is "friends" with. My 13 year yr old has begged and pleaded with me for a year now to let her have an account but I won't let her -- it just really scares me what she would be open to...if she's having a hard time socially, I am scared she would be a target on FB...lets face it, the preteen and teen years -- for girls especially -- are a nightmare as it is (especially between girls themselves) I just don't know how it would be on FB -- but she does feel left out from what everyone seems to be a part of... but there is something inside me that is telling me not to let her on... Also -- I am seeing a common trend with everyone looking for social groups to get their child involved in -- but unfortunately there are none...I am in CT and would love to join one or even start one...wondering if anyone has had experience with starting a group?

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3 Aug 2010 @ 11:29 PM Reply # 20
dandt Join Date: Tue 3rd Aug 2010
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that is me

I'm 19 and this was me. I always had a large group of friends but struggled to have close friends and keep friends. When I look at it, I was always the one having friends over as opposed to going to friends places. That said, I had friends invite me over, and I would go back, at least to some, but it was rare. It never helped when close friends moved, like the best friend who moved to the other side of the world! High school was hard and I was at an extremely small school. There were few girls in my class and I was close friends with a few of them. One girl only had me over once, to work on an assignment. This girl was my closest friend. Another girl had me over a fair few times, and we were good friends, but it was more out of necessity than actual friendship.

I ended up going to boarding school and that was great for me socially. Although I never ended up going to any of my boarder friends houses, I had a day-girl friend whose house I went to many times.I also never had any friends come home with me on weekends, more because I felt it was just too difficult. For me personally, boarding helped me socially, but I know other people that it isn't good for. I went when I was 15 and started midway through the year. At that age I was ready personally for this.

But I definitely sympathize with you. When I think back in primary school, I really struggled socially, and still do. My mum is very outgoing and a real extrovert (I'm more of an introvert in that I need time alone and away from people to make up for social time, but when I'm socializing I'm outgoing, so many people think I'm an extrovert) and what I once thought was mum being mum when I had friends over, I see more as her trying to make sure they had the best possible time. Once she took a 4wd full of my friends and I to the beach for a day and another she took a large group of us to the drive in theatre and let them sleep over. Each time I had friends over mum would do her best to entertain, and whilst it annoyed me, my friends enjoyed it and we'd all have a good time.

As much as I look back and wish I was invited to friends houses all the time, I also look back and see that I had close friends who invited me over many times. I have had many close friends, and while I haven't had lasting best friends, I've found people with whom I identify with.

Stick in there. Your daughter will find friends who she can relate to. When I was her age I struggled alot too. When I think about when I was 13, we all seemed to go to the movies alot. Our parents were comfortable with us going to the movies and many times I went with huge groups from my grade, as well as smaller groups or even just with another friend. Maybe you could suggest to your daughter that she invites a few friends to a movie?

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6 Aug 2010 @ 11:21 PM Reply # 21
AMV Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
Threads: 1 Posts: 5
New School? New Beginning?

We are thinking of sending my daughter to a private school for her final year of Middle School - 8th grade. The private/Catholic School has 16 kids in the 8th grade - 7 are girls. I am at such a crossroads with it, part of me wants to send her and have her start "new" with a new school, friends, etc and hope that she can make friends there, the other part of me wants to keep her in the school she is in and hope for the best, that this will be her year and she will make some close friends...she was against it when we first approached her about it, but now seems to be accepting the idea - she says that she has no friends at her school anyways, so why not go to a new school? At the same time she is afraid of change...and if things don't go well there -- then what? I just don't know what to do...

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11 Sep 2010 @ 9:35 AM Reply # 22
DAE Join Date: Sat 11th Sep 2010
Threads: 0 Posts: 1
ADHD - MAKING/KEEPING FRIENDS

Just like all of you, my sixteen year old daughter, has ADHD. She takes medication during the day to help keep her focused on her school work. It works pretty well. I do admit, I feel like I am repeating high school all over again to make sure she keeps her grades up. We did transfer to a new school, because the students at her old school were so cruel. She had no friends at that school. This school is very small, but everyone seems really nice. But I can see the same trend happening here also. The first week she did well. But her hyperactivity and impulsiveness seems to already be causing girls to move away from her. What I would love to know is: Is anyone with ADHD capable of controlling the impulsiveness and all other symptons of ADHD so they can be more accepted and included in social situations. I tell her about how she is behaving to try to help, but I hurt her feelings.

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14 Sep 2010 @ 9:34 AM Reply # 23
adhdmomma Join Date: Fri 4th Jun 2010
Threads: Posts:
teens and friendships

Carol Brady, PhD, reminds a teen, "to have a good friend, you must be a good friend," in this Q&A on AdditudeMag.com: http://www.additudemag.com/q&a/ask_the_parenting_expert/1801.html. She advises to get involved in clubs and other activities as friendships will be easier when you have common interests. There are more tips in the article, Help ADHD Children Make Friends, Experts Explain How: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/924.html as well.

Hang in there! Penny W., ADDitudemag.com & ADDConnect.com Community Moderator, ADHD Momma to Luke, age 7 creator of the Website {a mom's view of ADHD} @http://adhdmomma.blogspot.com

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2 Oct 2010 @ 11:42 AM Reply # 24
silentwing Join Date: Sat 2nd Oct 2010
Threads: 0 Posts: 1
i have a 12yr old who is lonely and she doesnt have friends outs

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AMV said: I am new to this board and have spent the last hour going thru old posts...and its true what they say about finding comfort in others that are in the same situation. I have a 13 yr old beautiful daughter with ADHD. I have watched her struggle trying to maintain friends. She makes friends, but then they "go away". Alot of the comments that I am hearing from her is that her friends think she is "annoying". She tries so hard to fit in and be accepted, but the things that come out of her mouth (nothing rude, but at times insensitive and she doesn't think before she speaks) tends to drive people away. She starts off well, makes friends, but it doesn't last long. The heartbreaking part is that she is aware of her ADHD and her challenges - and has often cried "why am I like this, why can't I be normal?". My son (10) and youngest daughter (8) have been invited more times to birthday parties, play dates, etc than my 13 yr old could ever hope to be...she see's that also. I try to "cover" it up by making special dates with her...going to the mall, etc. At times, I have felt that I have actually "begged" people to ne her friend...being the mom that is the hostess, chauffeur, etc. Summer just started and she has yet to "hang out" with anyone - she is lonely and I can see it. I don't even know what to say anymore. She does pretty well in school, but is not interested in any extracurricular activites, even though we have told her that she needs to pick 1 - 2 things to get involved in. She is very immature (comes with the territory I guess) and would rather hang out with younger kids, such as 11 yr olds, but even the 11 yr olds (the more mature ones) tend to start move away after a while....I am looking for any advice...and comments...any hope....

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2 Oct 2010 @ 11:54 AM Reply # 25
silentwing Join Date: Sat 2nd Oct 2010
Threads: 0 Posts: 1
12 yr old lonely daughter

i have a 12yr old daughter who finds it very hard to keep friends as she is very impulsive and doesnt think about what she says a lot of children of her age find her very difficult to understand so they try to avoid her she struggles in main stream school which i find heart breaking as children who dont understand her can wind her up and then she ends up the bad 1 she has no friends outside school so i see the lonelyness in her i try to get her to do activitys outside school but shows no intreste i have only just joined this site and find it such a blessing to communicate with other parents with children of adhd

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