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Thread : I need help!!!  
4 Jul 2010 @ 12:10 PM
jillierenae Join Date: Sun 4th Jul 2010
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I need help!!!

First of all, I want to say that I am sooooo glad I found this site... It is such a relief to see that I am not the only person with these problems!! I am a 22 year old college student. I just finished my 5th year of college, and I STILL have no degree to show for it. I feel like my ability to concentrate in school is just getting worse and worse... I know I'm not stupid, I just can't be consistent. Most of the time I start off a semester with really good grades, then somehow it's like I can't do it anymore. I don't know what happens in the middle of the semester that messes me up so badly. There have been a couple where I just stopped going to class and doing any work because I couldn't handle it anymore. I have not been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, but I'm pretty sure that's what the problem is. I've always had problems with distractions, ever since I was a little kid-- my elementary school teachers even thought I had ADD. There are a whole lot more things that make me think I have ADD but I can't remember them all at the moment.

So. Why , you ask, haven't I been to the doctor about this? It's my mother. I still live with her and am on her insurance. She doesn't believe that this is a real disease and thinks that I am just lazy. That I have no willpower, that I just WANT to be a bum in a cardboard box. I have tried to talk with her about it, but she refuses to have any part of it. She ordered me NOT to talk to the doctor about it as long as I am still under her insurance. But I can't afford my own! I just don't know what to do anymore- this woman is the most stubborn person on the face of the earth, she thinks she knows everything about everything, and once her mind is made up, there is no talking to her. It frustrates me to no end, and I keep getting more and more depressed because my life is going nowhere and I don't know how to help myself. All I want to do is finish school, move out of this house, and just get on with my life!!!

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5 Jul 2010 @ 9:55 AM Reply # 1
Phil Join Date: Mon 14th Jun 2010
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i need help

Im really sorry you are going through this ,add is very hard and lonely to deal with on your own like any attack on your self . I have found great advice and insight on every area of add on this site. It would be great if your mom would read some. I THANK GOD EVERY DAY FOR THIS SITE ( AND I MEAN THIS WITH ALL THE SANITY I HAVE LEFT .) All i can say is never give up and what your going thrugh is not your fault you are not crazy our lazy or any other negative word you have used to describe youself . (im 58 and im not giving up)

LOOK UP DR RUSSELL BARKLEY HE IS A WELL KNOWN ADHD EXSPERT

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7 Jul 2010 @ 8:08 AM Reply # 2
Arkypam Join Date: Thu 8th Apr 2010
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I need help

Keep reading and sharing on this and other forums. It is a psychological boost to know that others are going through the exact same thing. Eventually, you will be on your own and it will be to your advantage that you became aware of the problem as a young adult. Have you thought about seeing a counselor where you attend school? At the very least, a counselor should be able to recommend some coping strategies. Perhaps the student health service could provide some type of assistance. Hang in there and keep looking for answers. Give yourself a pat on the back for completing as much schooling as you have.

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7 Jul 2010 @ 1:31 PM Reply # 3
Loli Join Date: Wed 7th Jul 2010
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advise

My advise would be to see a family doctor who should be capable to help with the diagnosis and treatment.You might go to him just for regular physical and your conversation about ANYTHING can not be disclosed to ANYBODY(even to the insurence holder)without your written permission.I wish you the best from the bottom of my heart,remember never to give up.You are going to be succesful,just be persistent and don't be angry at your mom.

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8 Jul 2010 @ 9:49 AM Reply # 4
Inthegenes Join Date: Thu 8th Jul 2010
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You might try...

I agree with the previous writer that if you go in for a physical, the doctor legally cannot share anything from that appointment without your permission. I know because I have tried to talk to my own daughter's doctor (she's under my plan, but over 18) and they won't talk to me at all AND I have her permission! The same privacy laws cover your medications as well. I would give it a try. Find someone near your school. If your school's health service cannot prescribe medication, ask them for a recommendation for a doctor. I know it might be hard to "go behind your mother's back", but you do have that right at your age. Good luck!!

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14 Jul 2010 @ 8:52 AM Reply # 5
Phil Join Date: Mon 14th Jun 2010
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AMAZING

That was great advice.

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15 Jul 2010 @ 7:53 PM Reply # 6
Phillymanhere Join Date: Sun 6th Apr 2008
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Phil You Can Take Charge Now

Phil,

There is a moment when we are growing up where we sometimes just run into a wall with parents.

This seems like the moment for you. I definitely second the advice of others here to go to the doctor and talk. Believe, me, there is a way around mom. Go for a general check-up ... hell, go to a free clinic if you have to ... or just tell mom you had some other issue.

I just want to point out something on the other end.

Let's say you go to a doctor and you get official diagnosed. Let's say he prescribes a stimulant. I just want to make sure you know that Wal-mart and some other places have a $4 generic medication program. I believe they have stimulants that are covered. Now, you won't find this listed, because companies are banned from advertising stimulants apparently. But let's say you get a doc to give you a prescription, you can get a generic without going to mom ... Check Wal-mar, Wal-greens, Sam's Club, even CVS. Check all of them.

Good luck.

By the way, I think there are situations where it is perfectly appropriate to defy a parent. This may be one of them. It's your basic well being at stake and I'm sure your mom loves you and wants the best, but if she can't quite "get" it, then it's definitely your job to stand up for yourself (in a respectful way, though firm as hell!).

Good luck.

Phillyman

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20 Jul 2010 @ 10:30 AM Reply # 7
flexyfishie Join Date: Tue 20th Jul 2010
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I have been there!

I have a simliar situation, when I was young, myself and my brothers ADD was addressed by teachers and my parents would not accept that not only did we greatly suffer from it, they refused even when our family doctor suggested that maybe we would benefit from ADD meds, at one point they did actually start me on anti-depressants when at their absolute wits end with my ODD, especially after I was kicked out of the regular school into someting we know as today as an Alternative High School. However my Mother was never able to consistantly administer the medication (more on that in a minute!)

My Mother with the help of my ADHD Denier aunt did not belive that the condition exists except very rarely, and 95% of people on it don't need to be or are drug abusers. I did ok in college, because I could take courses which interested me and at times of the day that worked best for my attention span. My hyperfocus tended to work to my benefit in some situations, and I had enough coping strategies to get me through the day, until I could self medicate- something I had been doing since 7th grade.

When I decided to FINALLY do whatever it took to get help, my husband was not on board with me taking amphetamines on a daily basis. He is very anti-drug and wont even take a motrin if hes suffering. After about a week being on Adderall, he wholeheartadly apologized for doubting me. I am easier to get along with, more able to focus and concentrate, and my breakdowns are a thing of the past.

Now back to my mother... I was very angry with her, especially after getting help and medication. For denying me the help I needed. My life is so much easier now, and I felt I struggled all those years for no reason when help was easily availble. But thanks to being able to focus and see things in a different light, I realize my mother is EXACTLY like me. From not being able to give me consistant medication when it was prescribed, to her disorganization, temper, impulsive thinking, blurting out, highs and lows, forgetfulness. As a kid I was ALWAYS the last picked up from sports or school, I can't tell you how many times I had to walk home from the ice rink a mile away with a 20 lb hockey bag becasue I finally realized I wasnt gettting picked up. I don't know if this is the case for you, but I think you might see some of the things you suffer from in your mother, or maybe someone else close to her. And she is in denial, because If she see's herself in you, admitting you have a problem means that she has to confront her problem. There are so many misconceptions about ADHD, that her view of it may not gel with what you suffer from. Maybe you don't fit the stereotype of the naughty boy, fidgeting and running in circles, and we now know there are so many differnt ways this can effect people.

My suggestion to you is get help no matter what. Talk to your academic advisor ASAP, he or she can direct you on what resources they have to help you. If you have a student health center, go there as well. You can always get your prescriptions off your mothers insurance and pay it yourself. And I assure you, If you don't have a job now and can't afford it, there are other ways around this but you have to do it yourself. I can see that you are alot like me and you are using your mothers resistance to avoid confronting it on your own. I always have avoided having to do things myself, whether it be making doctors appointments or ordering pizza until I adressed my ADHD. Good Luck.

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22 Jul 2010 @ 8:05 PM Reply # 8
jillierenae Join Date: Sun 4th Jul 2010
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THANK YOU!!!

I just want to say thank you to everyone for responding. I went to my doctor this morning and asked him for some info. He said that he isn't very familiar with the condition but took blood to make sure that my distractions aren't from something organic.. he said that if the tests come back ok, he would refer me to a behavioral specialist. I told him that I didn't think my insurance covers that and I didn't want to pay out-of-pocket to see the specialist. And then he remembered that his nurse practitioner has a special interest in mental health and that I could make an appointment with her to possibly be diagnosed. I feel so relieved that I am finally taking some action that doesn't require spending huge amounts of money that my mother would start asking questions about... I'm not saying a word to her about it until I've gotten some treatment and am showing major improvements... I guess it is easier to get forgiveness than permission....

Thanks again everyone, I will definitely keep you all posted with my progress!

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