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Building Social Skills
Hi, I have a 13 year old who has a multitude of conditions. He never seemed to fit in but as he got older his social skills became worse because what's semi acceptable behaviour at 5 is NOT accepted at 13. I tried encouraging him to reach out and make contact and explained, re-explained and would explain again how to handle certain situations as they arose. I even tried role playing...nothing worked! It came down to "his" perception of situations and let's face it...some kids are down right cruel and the moment you have a child who's a bit "different", unfortunately it's that child who is disciplined and judged immediately. My son's doctor suggested I "micro-manage" his relationship building process so that I personally can deal with situations immediately. I used to have "date night" with my son on Friday's, because I work and schedules are hectic. This was my way of spending one on one time with him. So now I personally invite 2 kids from his class to come out. I can't leave it up to my son, because he doesn't seem to be able to invite kids properly or the kids don't respond nicely, so I do it for him. I have been doing this for 9 months now and my son now has a positive social base. The key for this to be a success is to take the kids somewhere's where there's social intereaction. Not a movie or somewhere's where my son must be quiet as that would defeat the purpose. Before we would go out I had to reiterate to my son about behaviour and how kids might respond. I started out with only 1 kid at a time, twice a month and worked up to 2 and so on. It was very difficult yet enlightening for me to see first hand where my son flawed in his social skills. I was able to keep conversations going, curb akward moments and in a subtle way tell the other kids information about my son, like his interests and hobbies, likes and dislikes, successes, ect. My son doesn't give other kids information about himself, so in essence he's a strager to his peers. It was heartwarming to hear these other kids say "wow, I didn't know you liked this...I do too" or "You can snowboard...I wish I could" and that was my opportunity to invite them. Now that summer is here, I do have to remind my son on a daily basis to reach out to these kids because he won't do it on his own. I tell him to send an email or pick up the phone and say hi. And I had to obtain the kids phone numbers, email addresses ect. because he didn't grasp how to ask for those either. Mind you I didn't embarrass him...I would simply make the suggestion like "Hey...did you guys exchange numbers yet?" and immediately the kids responded very positive.
Medications are a very rocky road. They keep changing or increasing and it can be very frustrating! I found a vitamin that I swear by for ADHD, it's Omega 3's in a concentrated dose specifically for ADHD. There many different brands and qualities,maybe ask your child's doctor about them or the pharmasist.
It's hard to watch your child be left out alone and the feelings of anger and being completely powerless are overwhelming. Good luck and my heart goes out to you.
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30 Jun 2010 @ 12:46 PM
3 Jul 2010 @ 6:37 PM