Hi, I have been doing the online dating thing on and off for awhile now. I'd say that what you have in your profile depends upon what you are looking for. Since I am interested in finding a relationship, I tend to look for those guys that sound like fun but are also grounded and more family oriented especially since I have a son. I tend to blow right past those that say they are just looking for fun or to party, any profiles that are too brief or have a bad photo or no photo and the jet setter who seems to travel too much or seems too busy since besides having a child I work a regular type job. Most average people probably lead a very ordinary life so I'd highlight any fun trips, concerts or other fun places you might've been or are planning to go to. You could also focus your profile on things you enjoy doing and say why you like doing it since the point is to give the person a glimpse of you. I wouldn't worry about the cuddling thing or not being manly enough, most of us girls love that sort of thing anyway so it is nice to know those guys that actually enjoy it rather than just tolerate it for us.

Good luck!

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I have beenon plentyoffish a few times. Being female, I think it is nice to ask the woman about herself. What she likes to do for fun, what her future goals are and what she is looking (or not looking) for in aman. Sometimes you just have to move to the next step and talk on the phone or meet in person. Just always be honest and you may find someone, I did. swanmay

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Hi Mike, My name is Melinda and I have ADD. I am also on Plentyoffish... I checked out your profile. I think you sound amazing.. your ad is well typed and right to the point. Women do like men who are romantic and like to cuddle. From a woman’s opinion and having plenty of women friends who use dating sites to meet people there was a statement I interpreted it as you are also looking for full physical intimacy.. the three letter word which would be inappropriate for me to type on this forum. (“physical affection is a must, may sound silly to read in writing, but I absolutely love all forms of physical affection!”) The reason why I interpreted this statement as more than just cuddling is because I have friends that say plentyoffish is just a site for people to meet for physical stuff only. If the people around me are talking about this, then I am sure other people in other places are too. I am a woman and I see it as you looking for… If I read something like “I am affectionate.. likes to hold hands, give great hugs something along this line in your own words a little more subtle.. then I would see it as basic affection and not the main boogy woogy… Other than this, I would suggest not changing a thing in your ad… The other woman offered good suggestions too. And in responding to someone, keep things minimal about a small paragraph in the beginning. I tend to avoid profiles where men seem too critical, travel for work, and barely put anything in their profile and end their profile with the actually words of “I don’t like writing about myself but plentyoffish says I have to type so many words.. blah blah blah” just to reach the word usage quota so their ad would be processed. I know there are a lot of people on plentyoffish who are sincere with finding a lasting relationship.

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HI MIke, As the other responders have indicated, what you get out of POF or any online dating site is contingent upon what you want..and what you put into it. The wonderful man I'm seeing had his ADHD front and center in his profile because it had such an impact on his marriage and he wanted to be very upfront about the challenges. I encountered him on the forums - discussion forums on POF - and after reading a few of his postings which were wonderfully honest and raw and insightful I sent him an email just saying that - not expecting him to want to meet me (we live 90 miles apart). He however did pursue me and we've had a wonderful experience getting to know each other. I'm on this site because he encouraged me to learn all I can about ADHD and its impact on relationships and I read here a great deal. From my experience it is very important to meet.....after a few brief email exchanges move to the phone and quickly to face to face. There are people who are wonderful on paper and its possible to get quite caught up in email exchanges only to find that upon meeting there is no chemistry and things fall flat. There are also game players etc. and the best way to guage whether somebody is worth your time and attention is to meet them and do things the old fashioned way...spend time together - eventually meet friends/family etc. Online is a wonderful way to meet people but avoid the pattern of only interacting online. It can fill a lonely void but face to face is essential if you are looking for a meaningful relationship.

Regarding the email exchanges....I know I enjoy someone who writes well and is expressive. I did however find it a red flag if somebody sent me pages and pages - in respond to a brief message from me. I understand the wanting to get your ideas out there and wanting to express all your thinking and feeling, but doing so in person is far preferred because body language etc. all contribute to its impact. Good luck with it......

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This is awesome that all of you replied with such awesome advice.

Melinda, as you recommended, I slightly changed and improved my POF profile. Within the first 2 days I received 5 responses. I emailed back and forth with one and then she closed her POF profile. That actually seems to happen often, 4 out of 4 women I really thought I had a connection with dropped their accounts.

As Higgypop mentioned, in regard to emails, I'm beginning to think that might be a reason I lose the connection with women who I email. What I find distressing is that while many women on POF mention they like a man to be communicative, when it comes to the emails I receive from women, the message's are barely more then a sentence or two, crammed with comments about my email to them. It almost seems like they're doing mass replies.

As for mentioning ADHD in my profile, higgypop I'm begining to wonder if I should try adding that. It would be a relief to have a woman know that right off the bat and still be interested. But at the same time, I weary that the thought of dating someone with a "mental disorder" even if it's simply ADHD might be seen more as repulsive than acceptable.

Please let me know what all of you think about these things.

Thanks

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