Hi. The name is Serenity - I have a whole string of health issues and disorders, including higher functioning autism (Asperger's Syndrome) with anxiety, attention, and sensory issues. I also have Mitral Valve Prolapse, Auditory Processing Disorder, diabetes type II, asthma, allergies, and anemia.

I'm currently being treated for anxiety medications and am in counseling to help with stress management and other such stuffs that go along with being an adult with autism.

Ever since I've started taking the medications, I've been late to work - the higher the dose, the later I am to work. I just sleep until I wake up and, even when I am actually out of bed, it is so hard to get going. It's not that hard of a concept but my brain literally feels hung over and I have to keep reminding myself what goes next, to keep on track, and to keep the eye on the prize (getting out the door to the bus and to work). I know if I could just force myself, I'd be on time to work - it'd make my life SO much easier and it's just frustrating because I know I am my greatest challenge. Before taking the medications, it was hard for me to get up in the morning, but at least I could get up when I needed to (or, at least, the majority of the time).

I don't really want another label. I know I can focus - I have a Master's degree in Library Science. I know I can do things if I really, truly push myself. I have a tendency to procrastinate, but if I sit down and literally force myself, things can get done.

The problem is that, as I get older and as the stress increases in my life, I find it that much hard to sit still (I'm always moving and on the go - "relax" is NOT in my vocabulary lol), I have a hard time organizing stuff and other such stuff which falls under "executive functioning skills" (like time management, keep track of time, etc.).

I'm personally getting tired of writing lists, losing lists, keeping track of EVERYTHING, and still making it through the day (forget the next day, if I survive the day yeah for me!). I literally feel like banging my head against the wall at the end of each day. I live in a constant fog and to get through it is so friggen' exhausting.

I want to socialize and would be able to if I could just get going in the morning and out the door. It's so hard to get through a conversation (autism issues aside - it's the focus of staying on a topic while simultaneously having to process the auditory stuff and deal with the sensory issues that's the kicker).

Lately, the concept of ADHD has come up and medication. I'm not sure - my mom says no way, no how do I have ADHD (I didn't have it in childhood and I can focus if I really want to), my counselor says it might make my anxiety worse (or give me other bad side effects that interact with my Mitral Valve Prolapse), and I'm just confused - is it truly ADHD or a combination of the autism, anxiety and/or depression? The issues I mentioned above could have to do with any of those three, if at all. There's also the possibly I have sleep apnea (because I have big tonsils and am overweight, despite being somewhat active - or, I will be next week, as I'm recovering from an ankle injury). I'm also trying to be evaluated for seizures (which is probably pointless because the neurologist I saw for twenty minutes thinks it's sleep apnea and wants me to get a sleep study done, despite my not having a car nor the ability to drive).

I just keep doing circles in my head. I want a life but it'd take too much friggen' energy to think that far :)

What do you all think? Thanks!

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