hi uptomyears! i just saw yr post cause i'm usually at the parent's section on here because of my ADD son. but recently i'm suspecting my husband might have adhd too, so i'm visiting here also :) i have lots of its symptoms but was not diagnosed when i did the test. anyway, i dont know how i can help you because my husband helps me a lot around the house, especially if i'm working (which i do every now and then......one symptom of ADD maybe?). please do find a way to make him help you, it must be really frustrating for you!! i wish you luck, really!

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My second marriage was to an ADD'er. It was more a chore to get him to help around the house then to actually have him do the chore. He was very charming, and learned to charm his way out of doing any work. There is NO way I can see your husband of 10 years changing his ways. My best advice, if you truly love your husband and want to remain married, hire a house cleaner.

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My situation is kind of the opposite. I'm the ADD wife, but do most of the housework. I'm at home full-time as our youngest is only two, so we made an agreement that I would do most of the housework whilst he works full-time. It wasn't always this way though. When we first lived together I hated doing most of the chores because if I can't do things a certain way I get confused (lose track of what stage I'm up to) and things take ten times longer. So I used to avoid housework as much as possible. Our solution was to each take ownership of the chores that we were happy to do. I do 90% of the cooking, and all of the cleaning in the kitchen (I'm fussy about kitchen hygeine), and he is not allowed to clean in there at all so I'm not worried about my system getting stuffed up. Same with the laundry. He does the lawn, takes out the rubbish, feeds the pets etc. We each have our own jobs (that we chose) so there is never any arguments or resentment about housework. You might find that your husband is happy to do some of the chores as long as he has full control of how it's done. It may seem old fashioned, each having your own chores, but as long as you are both comfortable with how you split them up it works very efficiently. Ownership brings responsibility, confidence and job satisfaction. Good luck!

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I am the ADD wife and mom of three. I do very little housework but have made some improvements doing cognitive therapy. I ask myself if the task will really be as horrible as I think it will be, remembering that we can never know this for sure until we try. This has helped me a lot. But I do have a housekeeper for two three hour sessions a week and I also allow my mother in law to straighten up the kitchen, because she seems to actually enjoy it. (She lives in our house and has her own kitchen, does most of the gardening and has a special relationship with our ADHD son). The obstacles to having a housekeeper are giving up your privacy and spending the money on it. If you can afford to you should at least try it out. If your husband doesn't like having a housekeeper this might motivate him to make an effort to clean himself.

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