I can't say that I completely understand what you are going through, but what you talk about is one of my fears as my son gets older. He was diagnosis with ADHD at 7 as well and is just now starting exhibit some signs of ODD. I am getting him into therapy to see if we can get a handle on it now before he hits those teen years. I worked in a Jr/High School for 1 years as an SRO. I can tell you I had more problems with the Jr High students than I ever did with the High School students. Why? Well my theory is that ALL Jr High Students lose their minds for 2-3 years. I affectionately call them "aliens" because they no longer act like a "normal" person. They have so many changes going on in their bodies emotionally as well as physically that they will do things that make no sense to anyone.... including them. When you add ADHD into the mix you can turn the stress meter up another 10 notches. It was also my observation that boys in general seem to be more immature than the girls and in my son's case even more so. I expect him to be an "alien" a little longer. :-) Now I can't say for sure that your son is in his "alien" phase, but think about it. Also if your son has never had therapy since the divorce maybe you should consider it. He may be blaming himself it, especially since they were so close. As far as the school is concerned I understand completely the frustration of trying to get help for your son. The best advise I ever received it to put all requests in writing and give copies to supervisors. For example, when I requested the initial testing for my son I put it in writing and gave a copy to the Dean of Students and the Superintendent. We live in a very rural area and have a very small school district so the Dean of Students (aka principal) and Superintendent know who my son is, so they were the appropriate supervisors. A co-worker also steered me to a group that helps children with disabilities get the assistance they need from their school system (this includes ADHD) free of charge. It seems that every state has one so check around. When I got ours involved all they did was make one phone call and suddenly he was being tested and a 504 was in the works. I hope some of this helps. Try and remember that even if he doesn't show it right now, your son loves you....even if he doesn't show it. :-) Good luck!

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Thanks WittsEnd - We have done therapy since he was diagnosed. Therapy for the divorce, Therapy for his behavior, Therapy for how he treats me, Co-therapy, Individual Therapy, Christian Therapy, Worldy Therapy (:-)... but we haven't done it in a while so I think its time to go back. As for school, I have requested everything in writing, followed rules and guidelines for 504 request, provided written documentation to who I thought was appropriate personnel including principals, head of special needs department etc...It gets SO tiring but I love him too much to give up on him. I want too, Oh how I want too because I feel SO lonley and defeated, like their is no joy in my life. Thank you for your advice and responding!!

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My son is 12 and sounds a lot like your 13 year old son. Not only is he ADHD but also has Tourettes and ODD and a mood disorder. I suspected by the way my son had been acting that he was bi-polar but there was no family history of bipolar so he was diagnosed with a mood disorder. Have you ever had your son tested for Bipolar or a mood disorder? I know with my son, he was VERY defiant and uncontrollable. We put him on another med, along with his Focalin, to help with the severe mood problems. You might want to check into this. It has made family life a little more tolerable. Don't get me wrong, he still is hard but not like it was before.

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All I can say..is keep being tough. Hold your ground. He is a teen, plus he has his problems. I have ADHD, I was diagnosed at 8. and I have 2 ADHD children. A 8 1/2 y.o. boy and a 7y.o. girl. It IS tough..it is soooo tough. We just finished a terrible year, got to know the principal really well! :) Keep on the meds..you may have to boost them up. My son went through alot of med changes and I am not sure we are even at the right one yet either. (Intuniv 2mg, and Concerta 30mg). I tried to get some help for my boy too..and they hemmed and hawed. I went in every day..swear to God, for a week. Then I finally got the teachers help..we had a meeting..came up with plans, solutions..I was so happy. Then..nothing happened! So I had to march myself back in to talk with the principal. The next day the things we talked about in the meeting were done. However, no follow through! I've been in and out of that school trying to get him what we talked about. My son doesn't have any academic problems at all..but he gets in trouble because he's bored. So trying to prove he's not just a pain was really hard! My therapist suggested we get his IQ tested. If you do that they have to look at it. If he falls below a certain Standard deviation..they have to help him. I can't imagine a school that wont have a meeting with you. Also if you request the testing..they have to by law..test him, for any LD he may have. Hang in there..get yourself some help too.. you can't help him if you don't help yourself first. If you stay on him and keep doing what is best for him..it will be ok. I thought my sister was going to be "killed" by my mom a few times..she had LD, and ADD. My mom..she went rounds with that child..but..now at 26 she is doing AWESOME. Remember to love him and be kind..it is hard sometimes..but you can do it!!!!

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This may seem a strange way to offer help but, i am wondering if you may feel better able to deal with your son if your health was improved. You sound so tired and you are dealing with some not-so-funhealth issues. I know what that feels like! The symptoms you are mentioning all sound like symptoms of Celiac disease or gluten intolerance. You may want to do some research on line to see if you could have this condition. Just type in "gluten celiac" and then a few of your symptoms like "reflux IBS fatigue" and see all the stuff that comes up. Doctors are not always very up-to-date on this condition and the testing for it is not perfect as you will see if you do enough reading.

Don't worry! There is nothing to buy and I'm not trying to sell you a service or anything! :) I am a mom who found out after many years of suffering that I have this condition and I want to let others know about it when I see the signs of it in them. It is just a matter of changing your diet to exclude all gluten and possible some other foods. It is worth getting checked out because, left untreated, it can cause cancers, eczema, thyroid problems and other autoimmune disorders like lupus and CFS. It is a complicated condition and the testing for it is far less than perfect but it is very real! Reply if you want to know more. :) Take care!

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Parenting can be a lonely venture at times especially without a spouse, poor health and a child who has challenges along with puberty. Just know that you are not alone and that things will be okay. I have a 14 yr old who has adhd and odd and life is a rollercoaster for the entire family. Keep expressing your frustrations here and you will get good advise. I have a sibling who is special needs and the public schools were very difficult to deal with. My parents had to push very hard and did get my sister tested. In Michigan, and probably in your state the public schools are OBLIGATED to test your child and they don't want to because it costs them so much $. You may have to get some legal advise as to your rights (hopefully somehow free) and PUSH the schools and your child will get help. My other sibling is a special ed teacher and knows how these games are played with parents and schools. You have to demand and advocate. Good luck, keep at it! All us parents in the same boat know what you are up against. Everytime one of us is successful it is a win for all of us (especially our kids!).

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