Hi Lisa1981,

I'm sorry that this website isn't as responsive as you had hoped it would be. It sounds like you are in real need of advice. I read your dilemma and questions and maybe I can help. First off...I have to commend you on what a tough job you have with your situation and how well you are handling things being single. Keep up the great work!!! I am a mother of 2 kids, also. I have a 9 year old daughter and an 11 year old son who is ADHD. He was officially diagnosed in 1st grade, but the traits have been there since pre-school. I have been married for 12 1/2 years to a man that has ADHD as well. He is 41 years old, but wasn't diagnosed until he was in college. My husband tried taking medication for it, but after a short while he decided it wasn't for him...since he was used to using his own coping mechanisms by then. My son takes medication for learning purposes at school, but we have found that it works for him to be off of meds on weekends, so that he is able to eat well. This has helped our concern with his weight issue of not gaining. You should know that we have had to change his medication three times since he began taking it shortly after being diagnosed due to change in responsiveness to it. Each time we changed his meds we first spoke to his pediatrician and she would have us see a specialist to help in determining which drug we should switch to based on the situation at the time. Mostly, it was due to emotional reactions that concerned us. Typically, in the beginning the drug would work just fine besides the usual side effects (i.e lack of appetite, minor headaches, etc.), but then we would see a lack of joy from him, moodiness and combativeness. This behavior made us feel very uncomfortable and we weren't willing to keep him on that particular medication. I know some people are probably thinking that we shouldn't have him on any drugs at all if we are having issues, but for the stage in his life at this time...he is taking them and that is that. Our goal is to eventually have him be med free and use other coping skills he is learning with behavior modification, but until we see those skills being used by him effectively then we will do what is necessary to help him achieve his full potential. Regardless, the current drug he is using is called Vyvanse and he is doing way better than he ever did on Concerta, Focalin or Adderall. You should, also, know that my son is an A and B student with the help of being able to stay focused at school on medication. Our children with ADHD are extremely bright kids and if the aren't able to express themselves in a 'calm, cool and collected' way in school...it will not shine through in their work. Don't get me wrong...my son is a HANDFUL and I have to deal with all his 'quirks'...good and bad, all the time and it so gets tiring...believe me I know! Bottom line...each person is different and will react differently to certain drugs or no drugs. Finding the right drug and the right dosage is the key here and with the help of a good developmental pediatrician that specializes in behavioral and medication management you can find a happy medium for your son. Now, as far as the dating scene goes...I think what you are doing now is a great way to introduce the man in your life to 'what lies ahead' with your kids. Maybe another way you can approach the 'first meetings' between your kids and significant other is to show actual footage of your kids in action as well as all the verbal explanations your doing now prior, so that it isn't a surprise to him and he wouldn't think that it was 'not what he was expecting'. If you have a digital camera...use it often to capture your kids in different scenarios. You don't have to make a huge deal about it, but when you are telling stories of the kids...you can pull out the camera and show him exactly what you mean. Point out to him the different ways you have handled the situations, what was responsive and what wasn't. You can buy a great book for your son to read that you and your guy friend can also read to get the low down on what ADHD is for the kid's prospective called "The Survival Guide for Kids with ADD or ADHD" by Dr. John F. Taylor. As their mother, you are the best person to 'explain' your kids to him and assist him on how to best react in the different predicaments he will most likely face when he is with you and the kids. Bottom line...whether the man you end up with is ADHD or not...he will stay with you no matter what and love your kids, too...if he truly loves and cares for you. Don't settle for anything less!!!! I hope this helped you. God bless and GOOD LUCK!!!

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One part of this website that is frustrating to me as an ADHD adult is that often people don't answer your question, they just go off on tangents about their own issues. But maybe I can give a little advice. I have not seen your original questions, but ...I would just like to say, if your kids are school age then they will undoubtedly have run afoul of all the school rules that don't let kids with ADHD just be kids. You know ...sit still, pay attention, stop wiggling and about a million other things. May I offer some advice around this. Don't give up informing the school about your child's disability. Just keep at it and everytime they tell you that 'your kid does this or doesn't do that' remind the teachers and principal that it is a part of ADHD if it truely is. If your kids are significantly impacted by ADHD in school, it is your right to ask to have an evaluation for special education to look specifically at the impact ADHD is having on their ability to "access the school curriculum" Key words that will get you some attention. How do I know? Cause I work in the public schools in special education. Please do not be afraid of the special ed "label" . If your child is found eligible he will have a legal document following him which will spell out his needs and will put in writing any accomodations or modifications your child will need to fully "access the educational curiculum". These can be such things as decreased work load, quick breaks from work, opportunitiy to have sensory movement breaks, quiet place to work or take tests, visual cues to use a reminders, teacher check-ins for understanding, pretty much anything that can be used to make it easier for your child to focus and get the work done. To be eligible a student must be below grade level due to the effects of ADHD. This may vary state by state but ADA (the Americans with Disabilities Act) guarantees your child rights as a student witha disability. You might also look into "Section 504" eligibility. this is an older part of the ADA which requires schools to make needed accommodations. This can allow some students who do not meet the strict requirements of being a certain amount below grade level to have some accommodations in school. They must have a physicialns diagnosis to even be considered for this. In the meantime. Look at providing structure and routine to every part of your kids life. I mean this. I am not kidding. Regular breakfast time, bath time, bed time, play time. Make "sandwiches" out of chores, homework etc. I mean do something fun and quick, then do a slice of work , then do more fun stuff on top. Have something fun nearby and remind them we will do more in just a few minutes. Build in longer breaks for more difficult tasks. Provide visuals so the kids can remind themselves about what they are supposed to be doing. Make putting toys away as much a part of playing as playing is. Put pictures or words on the shelves where certain toys, clothing, books go. Look at the kinds of activities you child does when just playing or hanging out. What do they do when a little more stressed? Are they moving, climbing, jumping, bouncing, crashing, rocking, humming, chewing on something? these are likely the things they use to help themselves stay focused even though it may not look like it. Try to find ways you can allow small bits of these things while they are doing chores homework etc. Or encourage those things in organized ways for the breaks in between work. Remember "Gum" is not a four letter word and standing up to do your homework is not illegal in any state that I know of. And if music were not a valuable tool to help calm and focus, the auto industry would not be putting radios and CD players in cars. Hope this helps. Let us know.

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NYMOM & SCIENCEGEEK I don't know if Lisa got your comments, but they sure helped me. My 10 year old son has not officially been diagnosed, but we are in the process of getting that done now. I love hearing ideas and pointers from real people who deal with ADHD children 24/7. I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to help me out.

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We are all here for the same reasons. Dealing with my daughters ADD for the past 5 years, all I can say is read, read and read again. The advice from one parent about one child may not work with other children. ADHD covers such a wide spectrum of issues that you cant find that one right answer. You have to read and read and read some more and try what you read to see if it works and know that this month it might work, but next year it might not.

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Hello,

I have a 8 years old son who is ADHD and you sure know how tough is parenting a special and unique kid . My piece of advice here is (As a previous post mention): Read, read, read. educated yourself about ADHD, meds and alternative treatments. Take a very well informed choices. For our son we have decided to go meds free. It is tough but it could be worth it. A friend of mine recently sent to me the links from below, please take a look to have a wide spectrum of info. Personally, I was shocked.

My best wishes for all of you and your family,

Ana

www.ritalindeath.com Offers information about the risks of ADHD medication.

www.adhdfraud.org essays and articles on possible misdiagnosis of adhd. A neurologist presents emerging trends in adhd treatment,informative alternative treatment

Attention Deficit Disorder Help Center: Support for parents, and new ideas. www.add-adhd-help-center.com

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Hai, I read the message and thangs for the information about the sites provided.It needs to earn more money for these situations.If possible please help me regarding part time jobs in net, so that I can make over the running costs. My mail ID is dnag2001@gmail.com. Thank you.

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I donno why, but not much traffic passes by this way.

When I climb my soap box, I usually raise the ire of at least a couple folks, but my last half dozen posts have sat as the most recent with no reply for the threads or the category.

I also see too many posts for my comfort that appear hawking books or services without being pulled.

A bit of a head scratch

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I DON'T KNOW YOUR STORY BUT I HAD A SON IN SCHOOL AND I STAYED AT SCHOOL NOT BECAUSE MY SON WAS BAD I JUST DIDN'T TRUST THE SCHOOL AND THE ONLY WAY HE WAS GOING TO GET WHAT WAS NEEDED WAS FOR ME TO PUT MY FOOT IN EVERY ASS I NEEDED TO. STOP PUTTING KIDS INA BOX ANSD EXPECTING THEM TO FIT THE MOLE LIVE OUTSIDE THE BOX THEY WILL BE OK KICK DOWN A DOOR OR TWO I DID STOP THINKING EVERYTHING THEY SAY IS THE TRUTH YOU KNOW YOUR CHILD BETTER THEN ANYONE, DO WHAT WORKS FOR THE CHILD AND MAKE OTHERS AJUST TO HIM OR MOVE ON I DODN'T KNOW HOW STRONG YOU ARE BUT PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN AND F WHAT PEOPLE SAY I HAVE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES. STOP PEOPLE PLZING AND GIVING UP PEOPLE ARE NOT GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR YOUR CHILD U ARE GOING TO BE THE VOICE SO GET HEARD HELL IF YOU WANT I GIVE YOU MY EMAIL PHONE NUMBER WHAT EVER I 'LL TELL YOU WHAT I DID GOT MY CHILD THE HELL OUT OF SCHOOL AND HOMESCHOOLED HIM AND NOW HE IS IN COLLAGE SO IT CAN BE DONE THIS SITE IS NOT THE PROBLEM YOU JUST DIDN'T GET THE QUICK FIX AND THERE IS NOT ONE WITH ADD KIDS ON THE REAL

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I know this probably isn't the best solution, but try http://www.adders.org as there are a lot more people on the ADHD discussion boards there that quite often very quickly answer questions.

I suppose one problem here is that most people reading this site either have ADHD themselves (I have ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome) or have children/partners/adults with ADHD and probably even have some ADHD traits themselves, even if they don't have ADHD (as ADHD is genetic).

With ADHD you have a very short attention span on certain things, and if it's not catching to the eye straight away it's passed over, and I think at times this site seems to have that problem that it isn't very catchy with lots of different things to look at.

I get the e-mails every so often from this site and read the subject, and think oh I'll have a look at that soon, then I get distracted by other e-mails, and other adverts on the web so never get round to coming back to this site.

One thing that seems to fully sum up how hard it is for people with ADHD to concentrate on things that aren't catchy is a t-shirt I saw once with the print on it "They say I have ADHD, whatever as if they... hey look puppies!".

Adders.org also has a resident Dr., Dr. Billy who is quite an expert on ADHD, he re-assessed me for ADHD by e-mail questionnaire after I left school and was told by the school I'd grow out of it, and then later I was re-assessed by a Dr. in the UK who confirmed that Dr. Billy was right about me continuing to have ADHD, it was quite weird as the main thing I remember about being re-assessed for ADHD was sitting in the Dr's office looking at how well parked my car looked in the car park and how bright blue it looked rather than what the Dr. was asking me as I could see it through the window, it was obviously a major distraction for me!

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