Well I agree we are fun, exciting and a ball of energy and hyperfocus to a fault that makes us lose our selves in what we feel we need to do. Patience of a saint is something you need to do if you want to keep this man. Gentally remind him he needs to come up for air. And you need to make the concrete plans because at this time he is incaple of doing it. He so focus in trying to make things right because he feels he lost his ability to be secure. His focus you say his his job. When a date is coming up you will need to call and remind at 4-5 times about the date and proably the day of it so he begins to wind down from his hyperfocus state. His friends who know him need to understand this is really part of ADHD I will hyperfocus so intentially and not eat or sleep in the middle of something. He may become angry so be prepared for it because you are interrupting his hyperfocus state which he is into. He need to realize and it isn't easy for some of us that people also do matter when we are like this and we can go back to it . He could be afraid if he stops that he won't be able to continue Good Luck !!

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Thank you so much for your input, it's really helpful to hear from someone with ADHD directly, what goes on inside your mind under certain circumstance and how your thinking works. As a non-ADHD person, you can read all you want about it but it's hard to grasp in the day to day how it really can manifest itself. Especially in our own particular situation.

As someone who just started dating this person, I really don't want to be That Girl, feeling like I'm chasing someone down which I will feel like if I'm trying to 'remind' them I exist and trying to get and keep their attention. If we were further along and more comfortable, I would take bolder and more direct steps in this. As it is, because of who I am, I'm thinking I should just wait and see if he does come up for air and if he does, if he's still interested in moving forward. And if he does, I think we'd have to talk about a game plan if this should be part of a pattern so I'm not left hanging again like this. For now, I think he needs to do what he needs to do to get back on track I'm guessing, without distractions.

Your words make a lot of sense and have really helped and were exactly what my gut was telling me, so I'll wait and see what happens now, without getting angry or confused.

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Just don't wait too long because if it along hyperfocus he may feel that it took too long to connect. I would hate to see you and him to miss out on a relationship even just a friendship because you were just TOOOOOOO! patient . It is 2010 if a women wants something she be brave enough and ask for it. So don't wait too long or you may miss out of a fun, exciting guy .

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move on. It works for any relationship, ADD or not, if he walks away, let him free, if he comes back and you're onto something else, you'll know if you want to 'leave something else' and go back to that train or not. I have ADD -fairly recently diagnosed- and even thou I 'found' my now husband of 10 years at a moment in my life where I was on top of that same train, I wanted to have one meaning relashionship, one fantastic job, one wonderful life, and didn't know how: I got hold of a little book about relashionships, where it said: -"on the very first time you have an intimate conversation -like what do you want from life, or why are you dating- put all your cards on the table, tell him you want to get married, have kids, form a family....if it scares him away, good! he's not the one. If he stays...it'll be for good"-. So that I did, exactly like that, 10 years ago. Now, I WAS the ADD, and I am. I was ready to settle down, I wasn't looking for a swap off my feet by a 'feet swapper' who just likes to go thru life swapping feet -if you know what I mean- And I wasn't either willing to go on ON that fast train looking anxiously for the miracle that would 'change my life for good' since I had come to the realzation that such a miracle can't com from anybody else but from within the self.

From my experience: he's not ready to settle down. His mind is not listening to his own self, but erroneously looking for answers elsewhere...where they're not. If you walk away you won't be abandon him, you won't fail his friendship, you have nothing to do with it so don't feel responsible, he'll be ready when his mind is ready to understand after his own experiences, just remember him kindly and enjoy your memories. The 'miracle' only comes from within.

think about it...move on!

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I am just saying if Michelle wants a relationship she needs to put it out htere. I am Very high ADHD and I do hyperfocus I know how intense I can be. Each ADD person is different . I also know if we become so engrossed into the hyperfocus period we will miss out on something really good. Many ADDer's don't know enough about heir own ADD and have not read or understand it and how it impacts their relationships I have been married 23 years and still my husband goes crazy when I find I need to be allowed the intense hyperfocusing that continues at times to plaque me. I do this every few monthsusually for days at a time especialy if I am doing my school work and will not even take the time to sleep or eat. If I am on emotional roller coaster as of sort forget trying to get me to be not sdo envolved with my own head. It not always easy being ADHD in relationships and something threw man out of kilter forcing to work so many hours for weeks now. His friends all say he is a wonderful friend, she experienced a great time with him and if anything they may not be boyfriend and girlfriend just friends and that could be rellay good too. My friends who really know me don't get upset when I don't call them back or forget to acknowledge them for a few days or weeks because when I am engaged I am really engaged with them. And truth be told if any guy I dated had talked about marriage , children etc the first date I would have high tailed out of there. To intense isn't always the best.way to say hey lets go out and have some fun.

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I can tell you first hand dating someone & being with someone in a long term comitted relationship with soneone whom is ADHD can be very intense , frustrating and stressful at the same time . Alot of ADHD people have no concept of time , alot of them are cronically late , example my husband is never on time to anything , it doesn't matter if he has ten clocks in front of him , he's always late . ADHD people are full of never ending energy but at the same time they tend to get very impatient , they get easly frustrated with things & they tend to get over whelmed very quickly . I will honest it takes a very loving and patient woman to be with someone who is ADHD , how ever at the same time , it takes a very loving man to be with an ADD woman .

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