I feel your pain...truly I do. My son turned 4 in March and we had him evaluated by the pediatrician for ADHD. He didn't suggest trying medication due to side effects but he did suggest a book called "the difiant child" and highly reccommended it. My husband and I really try to focus a lot on him and give plenty of one on one time. You said your daughter was a twin, maybe try spending time with just her. It's hard when you have two the same age, but I would try spliting them up and doing separate activiities with each one (you may have already tried this) but sometimes they just want to feel like no one else matters but them. I have a newborn also and an 18 year old so believe me I know it can be hard to split your time indivdually. The doctor said for kids this age you really have to be clear about your expectations. Tell them what you want them to do in very simple terms and make sure they fully understand, then clearly state what the consequence will be for not obaying. You MUST go through with the consequence you set if they mess up, (this is where I've messed up) but this is "willful difiance" and you can't let it go. There must always be a good outcome for when they don't mess up too. I truly think giving the "right" attention (the kind you give when you catch them being good) is key. Kids thrive on attention and they're going to get it one way or another, and ADHD kids need even more. So give it freely and don't wait til they've done a bad thing to notice them (I'm guilty of this too believe me) It's easy to ignore them when they're being quiet and still. Limit suger; I know this sounds obvious but suger really is your worst enemy with these kids. And it's not just candy and soda, it's hidden suger you need to watch out for. Now don't go crazy and forbid anything with suger, but save the cookies and soda for rewards or special occassions. Also look out for food dyes, mainly red and yellow. It's in just about everything so you can't totally get rid of it but try opting for organic apple juice (it's really good) or even the juice packs come in clear now instead of red colored. It's gonna be hard no matter what and even if you do eveything perfect. But it's about sort of whiddling away at the problem and trying anything that might work. So try giving more good attention, and try setting clear expectations and boundries. Remember to always follow through with what you say your going to do, and if something is a bad thing today then it's a bad thing tomorrow and the next day, be consistent so they don't get confused. Reward, reward, reward for good behavior (like seriously blow it out of porportion). Try to differenciate between "willful difiance" and just irritating behavior before you punish them; remember it's only wilful difiance if they diliberately refuse to follow a command, and they fully understood that command. And try to save yourself from going nuts by simply picking your battles...you can't say no, stop, don't or quit for every little thing or you and the child will go insane, way too much negativity. Stick to the important stuff and let the little things just go. And if none of these things work, well...there's always the Sherwin Williams paint stick ( their FREE and suddenly you have a magic wand)

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I will start my search for that book today! I do try and give her one on one time, but I will step it up a notch and see if we get results. Everything that you said you are guilty of I am right there with you. Thank you all of this advice I’m going to give it a go:o) Did you hear anything about giving a small amount of caffeine because it has the reverse effect? We do need to get together as a family and discuss proper circumstances and follow through. I have been reading up a lot on websites and books and the importance of acknowledging good behavior no matter how small it is and just letting other little things go…like you said pick your battles.

I can’t thank you enough for your response.

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seems like four is a good age for diagnosis. I was diagnosed at four too. But now I am older and can look back on the things MY parents did that helped me. First off, don't dispair too much. She is only 4. No parent will resent you because she isn't paying attention on the soccer field. Second, I think the first thing you need to learn about your child is that she will almost definately be emotionally sensitive. Its something they don't talk about a lot, but it was one of the hardest things for me to deal with growing up. She will over react to a lot of things, and she craves attention, but you have to remember it is not her fault. As for the caffine, yes it helps. The medications they use are concentrated stimulants and they do have an opposite effect on those of us with adhd. Caffine will help her block out things that she shouldn't pay attention to. If it makes you feel better, my parents started letting me drink coffee when I was six. If I find that I am having a lot of trouble concentrating or its late at night and I need to study but don't want to take my medicine I drink something high in caffine like coffee or mello yello. It really works. And like he said. avoid sugar.

As for approaches her teacher can try, one that was effective with me when I was in kindergarten was comming up with a silent signal the teacher can give your daughter. My biggest problem was blurting out answers, so if i raised my hand while the teacher was still talking she would tug on her ear lobe to let me know that she saw me and would get to me in a minute. At the very least advise her teacher to avoid telling her off in front of the class. her emotional sensitivity makes her very anxious in social situations. she feels keenly the sense of shame, and in fact probably feels it stronger than most adults. Teachers have made me cry in class just by telling me to be quiet. The real paradox of the situation is that when a child with adhd is shamed in class like this, their adhd symptoms get even worse because their anxiety is triggered.

a good book that I read recently that helps those without adhd understand those who have it is called Scattered by Gober Mate. you should look in your local libraries to see if you can find it.

I also want you to take encouragement from the fact that adhd is not a sentence of academic failure. to be perfectly honest I have actually never met an unintelligent adhd child. most of us are gifted. I excelled in school with the right resources and support from my parents teachers psychiatrist and(unfortunately since you do not want to resort to this) a rather large dose of stimulant medication. But I needed the medication, your daughter may not. But adhd actually gives her a unique perspective on life and learning. it can actually be seen as a gift. kids with adhd are very good at multi tasking. as she gets older, look out for procrastination. it can sometimes be good for adhd students because the pressure of the deadline allows them to hyperfocus. but it also causes papers to be turned in essentially as rough drafts.

I hope I have been helpful. let me know if I can tell you about anything else

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Too many to go into here...see my signature.

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My son is 3 1/2 and while not officially diagnosed, we have had a counselor, teachers, and others experienced with ADHD say that he is and he fits every symptom. We definitely have good days and we definitely have very bad days. We try to give him lots of things to do and climb as he is an avid climber. We got a small trampoline and placed it in his room and took up swimming as a sport. Water just calms him plus its an individual sport. That worked wonders. We are also purchasing a cargo net for climbing to place in his room. I have been frustrated as where to start but have found 2 books helpful, I checked them out at the library first but found that I couldn't live without them and purchased them online for about $5 a piece, a bargain for what they have done. ADD/ADHD Behavior-Change Resource Kit and The ADHD Workbook for Parents. We are still in the beginning steps but so far it has made a difference along with a good routine as our bad days are usually when dad is off and he doesn't have school. School has been a blessing. The school district has a special education preschool for children with developmental delays such as speech, fine motor, and interaction with other children and adults. He goes 4 days a week for 3 hours, the bus picks him up, and it give me time to get things done around the house while he's at school so I can focus on him when he is home. And it's free. I would check with your district, the teacher's work really well with him and his little "quirks" most schools would kick him out for are worked with. Hope this helps.

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Thank you for your posts, ideas, book suggestions, etc. this is all VERY helpful. I have actually thought about signing her up for swimming, although she has shown a very high interest in golf/putt putt. We'll try swimming first:o) I also appreciate the kids perspective as well. I plan to try everything possible to give/help her deal with everything that comes her way. I have been busy with the school psychologist, which was rather easy because my daughter is also in a program 4 days a week for 3 hours and the bus picks her up. She is going to help us prepare for the fall. Where are you getting the Cargo Net? That is very interesting since my couch has much wear and tear from not only the bouncing but climbing from both the girls. Until next time...I will read some books, check out some websites and try some new things:o)

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The cargo net was online but you can find it many places like toys r us or home improvement stores for outside big toys. I never buy anything new and use craigslist regularly for furniture that is worn out as we have gone through 3 couches and have spent less than $100 combined not to mention what we ended up selling them for. Use your resources and trust your gut.

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