I do relate to you and am about 2 years ahead of you in progress with my daughter. She was having frequent meltdowns also, in fact, I couldn't get her through the door at school! One day the principal needed to crawl into my van and drag her into the school! I was so upset, but I do see that as a day of turn-around. I began to realized how many people around me and her that truly wanted to help us. Teachers, principal, special ed department, psychologists (one for me and one for her), husband, friends and both sets of grandparents. I began asking them all for help and I also put my fear of "medication for life aside". (the medication is helpful and may be needed for a small period of time or a lifetime) I did try medication with her, took the advice of my counselor and began listening to the "Love and Logic" cds, got her tested at school for ADD and Learning Disabilities and started some firm but loving discipline at home. I also considered her activities and, with her help, decided to withdraw her from every activity expect piano lessons. She is very physically active at home, so I didn't see the need for team sports at this time. She will be joining a swim team soon. I think the most helpful thing I did was to be firm in my discipline. I took out many activities that would entice a meltdown, and focused on following up on every "threat" and promise that I made to her. This forced me to become very careful with my threats! I also learned to enforce time outs, think "Nanny 911". She is now 11, and still has a argument for everything, but we are working on the verbal, rather than the physical tantrums or meltdowns. She is now very loving, thoughtful and cares for her friends and me! I also taught her some friendship skills and I lessened the importance of friends and focused on being a good friend in the family. As a mom you have control in your home and kids need to learn to be good friends at home before they can be friends outside the home. You daughter will be able to make friends later when she is more in control of her emotions and impulses. I hope that helps! Remember that you are her mom for a reason and you are the best mom for her! Get your support lined up and find help from the Love and Logic Institute. I found their methods very doable and loving. Marie G mom to 2 boys and 2 girls

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My 10 year old daughter with ADHD also has very heated meltdowns several times a week. Usually at bedtime. She also has low self esteem. After much research and investigation, we finally put her on medication about 18 months ago. The meds made a world of difference at school and with her grades, but the meltdowns have not changed. They are violent and she doesn't always remember what she said or does. We too are at a loss and are desperate for some help.

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I LOVE this forum! It is comforting to know that I am not ALONE when it comes to the struggles of dealing with an ADHD child!! Some days I wonder "what did I do wrong" and "what should I have done differently"! I actually had an AWESOME meeting today with my daughter's school guidance counselor and my husband and I have decided to start our daughter on medication. The Counselor and Psychologist have very different opinions on what medication, but after much deliberation, I think we will be going with Concerta 18MG to start. We are hoping to treat the ADHD and then see "what is left", as the guidance counselor put it. She sees the pediatrician next week. We then have a strategy in place to follow-up with counseling to treat her self-esteem issues if needed. One thing that was ruled out was any form of learning disability which I was told over 70% off ADHD children have in addition to the ADHD! I'm hoping that once we can build up our daughter's self-esteem again, it will stop the anger and meltodowns. I guess it took nearly 11 years to get to this point and the self-esteem won't be regained overnight. I know it's going to be a long process, but one that i'm willing to make.

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We have an 11 yr old son that was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6 and is currently on 18mg Concerta. Whenever he has meltdowns they seem to be the result of something else - stress over homework (why do they give kids SO much homework?!!), not sleeping well or eating well, sibling issues...when he melts down we sit him down and calmly talk to him, ask him what makes him happy (answer should be "me"), ask him to try to figure out what is really the cause. He needs to learn to recognize and identify his feelings so he can better cope. These self-coping skills will eventually (hopefully) make his medication unnecessary and make him a better communicator. We ask him to listen to the radio or take a break and watch a DVD or his IPOD, maybe look at a book or go on a walk with us or play with the dogs. We call this "changing the channel" and it seems to help get him off of whatever caused the meltdown and on to identify the real culprit and what needs to be done to feel better about it. Even his teachers now tell him to "change the channel" if he starts to meltdown in class. Having everyone on board to help him through his "B.T.s" (bad times) makes him feel a consistency and helps him to react differently.

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My 9 year old daughter has been on ADHD medication for 6 years. We do medication and behavior therapy. I have found that the ADHD medications are trial and error, and sometimes the results are not good, but keep trying until you find the right medication. The behavior therapy taught to us by her psychologist made her more aggressive, so we sought after another option. Beyondconsequences.com explains behavior therapy with a love approach, verses the typical fear based (consequence for your actions) parenting we were doing. One thing that we realized is that she does not choose to act out, she acts out because she is overwhelmed or overstimulated. Noises, excitement, changes in her routine, sustained attention, etc all set her off into a downhill spiral of negative behavior. When we changed our parenting style and helped her work through the behavior we saw a dramatic decline in her aggressiveness & negativity. The arguing has even decreased!! This has been a slow process, but one that has had wonderful results. Her low self-esteem has improved and she is making friends. We changed school districts because the one she was in would not make appropriate accommodations. School was a HUGE problem because she stayed overstimulated all of the time. She is now prospering academically. ADHD does disrupt the lives of those that have it and for those that love them. Please know that you are not alone and remember to help yourself throughout this journey. Keeping yourself healthy, physically and mentally, is so important. Try not to focus on "the future", just try to get through the day. Blessings to you!

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I too have a ten year old daughter with the same issues. She's been on medication for about two years now, and it has helped tremendously with the academic piece. We moved two years ago and it was a really hard on her, as she has been slow to make friends. One thing that has helped tremendously for her self esteem is that we started meeting with a family counselor a few months ago. It gives her another safe place to go and talk about things that bother her and it has been very beneficial for us as a family as well.

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I am going through the same thing with my 8yr old son. He was just recently dx'ed with ADHD and an anxiety disorder and Aspergers Syndrome.. He has major meltdowns as well. He was diagnosed by a neuropsychologist and now I am waiting for an appt. with the neurologist to talk treatment. I think he's meltdowns stems from the anxiety and frustration. He also doesn't have many friends. I don't even think he understands what a true friend is. He views all his classmates and friends. So I'm looking foward to this group to find guidenance on this new journey.

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