Dealing with this type of behavior within a child/teen is very difficult, specially because I am a single mom and doing it all by myself because his no good of a father can tolerate him nor even attempt to. He just simply gave up on him...(sad but true) My 6 year old was diagnosed with ADHD and impulsivity last year. I started noticing his behavior patterns ever since he was 2 years old. His tantrums/outburst where and are horrible he screams, yells,demands (never does he ask) he demands and god forbid i say the word "NO" because all hell breaks loose. If he ask me a question a simple "yes or no or aha or not yet, almost" is not enough for him. I have to give him a full explanation of things as if he was a grown up. I noticed that when i go beyond explaining what he wanted to know he just listens and stops asking question after question And yes there is times where I just want to fall of a cliff or just have the crazy urge to drop him at the police station and take off!! Not that I would actually do it but it has crossed my mind. Yes it is an everyday challenge however it takes lots of patience, loving, and understanding and yes its very hard to show a kid "love and understanding" when all they ever do is be against you and etc...etc...One thing I learned is that I have to constantly remind myself I cant expect him to understand and comprehend the real world, and its not that they dont want to change its because they dont know how to change. As much as i would not like to classify my son as "disabled" but he is. Its like for example when you see a kid in a weelchair it all comes together right, you know they cant walk so you take that extra step to do things for them to make them feel good about themselves you want to do nothing but encourage them. Just imagine wanting to be just like everyone else but you cant. You wouldnt sit there and tell the child "how dare you not walk" well its the same with a kid with ADHD you have to learn how to talk to them how to cope without putting them down. I have to constantly remind myself "be patient understand him" when i find myself yelling at him for something he did wrong I stop and think, and picture him as if being that kid in a weelchair that he will always need that extra help and support, I myself am not perfect and no one is or ever will be. Everyday I am still learning ways on how to cope and deal with him. But one thing I do know is that I refuse to give up on him! And I hope and pray that one day he can realize how much I do love him!!!

Quote

hello AR1234, i hope that sharing your story here has helped you out a bit. i can so much understand how frustrating it must be for you. and just as jojo put it in her post above, it's frustrating when its your own child, imagine you with your step son, how much you are giving of yourself for your family!! i really applaud you! i'm afraid i dont have much solutions to offer, but your post described me so well. only now i've realised that i've become a bitter person because of my situation. i have a 15 yr old who was only diagnosed last year with ADD. all his life i've tried and tried to make his life better/easier/happier but to no avail. he has no mativation at all and now its worse, cause he's off school for good, doing his exams in may. and all day he just want to go around and DO NOTHING. i realise how hard it must be for them, as jojo says, it's not their fault. but its really frustrating for all around. i can remember when i wanted to just leave and never look back. but what problem would that solve?? and as you said AR1234, other people, professionals or others with no idea of what its like to live with adhd, keep saying that WE are not doing enough!!!

i really hope that you can find some way to live around your step sons adhd. you really need all the support you can get. hope at least you can get some from here :)

Quote

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time (probably understated). I have 2 girls - 1 with ADD, 1 with ADHD. I too encounter others and have no understanding of living in a household with this situation. We've been battling these problems for about 6 years now - just in the last 2 years we began medication.

The first thing I can tell you is that I CANNOT do this without God. These girls that I love with all of my heart, suck the life out of me every day. You cannot give constantly to them without getting your needs met too. Get involved in a good Bible believing church. Don't just go on Sundays - actively find out who God is and how much He loves you. Honestly, sometimes if feels like He's the only one who does. Search for Him, you will find Him.

Second - read everything you can get your hands on. I know, I didn't have much time to read either - lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to. Information will help arm you to understand and best help.

Structure binds chaos! When he is acting out or being disrespectful, he needs more structure. He loses privileges (cell phones, computer time, gaming - anything that is important to him). Your husband must be 100% on board and back you up. You may not be his birth mother but, you are the mother in his life and he needs to respect you. If he's been disrespectful to you or chosen not to follow the rules, I would decline any request he has for you - whether that is a ride to ball practice, getting to go to the dance, spending the night with a buddy - what ever. And DON'T feel bad about it. There are consequenses for decisions - good and bad. It's his choice. Yes my kids have a "disability" however, it does not excuse them from life. They must learn how to live life just as anyone does that has a physical disability.

A good counselor would be helpful. You can vent your frustrations without worring about hurting anyone. The counselor can help with coping techniques for you. I would suggest a Christian Counselor. They can not only help with these issues but they are more likely to "hear your heart" in this matter. I don't have all of the answers - but, I know who does and that makes ALL the difference. Yes, I feel defeated and ineffective - a lot. But, I can go to God and tell Him everything. Then, He reminds me of His promises and I have the energy to go on a little bit longer. I promise - God WILL give you what you need just when you need it.

Quote

My son is 10 and has severe adhd since at least 3 years old. I have felt the way you do many times and he is MY son, not my husbands. Try to find PARENTS who have kids like this and talk with them. You may get good advice and I have found they are the ones who get it, not the doctors. I agree with 3Squirrels. Structure is the best medicine for these kids (along with their medicine!). It will at least bring some order to your house. Even on the weekends we spell out what will happen and what has to be done. We put a schedule together with check list for the weekdays and put everything off on him. If he messes up, he feels the pain. If you spell out the consequences, when he does something wrong he can blame himself not you. You also MUST get your husband on board with everything. If your stepson suspects for a minute you two aren't a united front, he will play you both. It's really hard for step parents to deal with this. I see my husband struggling all the time, but I try to back him even if I don't agree and we discuss it later. Best of luck to you!

Quote

Hi I have to say that my son is a very special person. He is 6 years old, beautiful smart and sensitive. But whaen he loses it, he loses it. I've been trying to remain calm, really trying. But this morning, I lost it. He was arguing with my husband while i was inthe bathroom, the 2 of them were screaming, and I just screamed my loudest to get them to stop. I grabbed my son nd pulled him into the bathroom and slammed the door. Looking back i think i was subconscoiusly shutting my husband out. My son stopped, but was suddenly in control. He said, "Boy Mom, you kinda scared me." I felt like I stopped the fight head on, and half felt good, and half felt like crap the rest of the day. We spoke about the issue a few minutes later, and although my son nwas holding a grudge against my husband for their fight, I still felt guilty, really guilty and felt there must be a better way. I kno my husband needs parenting help, and so the weight of discipline weighs on me. I guess that's why I exploded. I was wondering if any of you have ever lost it? what was the outcome? I really feel bad about all this and would appreciate any words of wisdom. thanks

Quote