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Thread : Advice on how to deal with a child that refuses to take meds and an ex who doesn't support treatment  
22 Mar 2010 @ 3:28 PM
Miss Molly Join Date: Mon 22nd Mar 2010
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Advice on how to deal with a child that refuses to take meds and an ex who doesn't support treatment

My son who is soon to turn 13 was diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago. His father and I have shared custody in which the kids are week about with each parent. I have been given the medical decisions because of past issues with the children regarding their health. Even so...his father disagrees with the treatment and has told me his son does not have ADHD. My son had been taking the medication up until last week when he was at his dads house. Before we started treatment the doctor explained everything to him and he seemed fine with this, however, he would at least once in the week question why he had to take it and we would end up in a war (usually after the meds had worn off). Every morning he would take them without a fight. Though he would constantly complain of headaches they had never stopped him from playing video games or playing with friends...etc. The headaches it seemed were the only side effects. The doctor said the headaches should eventually go away. Sleeping and eating were fine. While on the meds he managed to move some of his grades up...not by much but better than the term before. Without the meds he does nothing in class...he has no motivation, he is has anxiety about things such as being on time (he obsesses over it) . He is aggressive, oppositional and is loud and fidgety. He also suffers from lack of self esteem. He was only on 20mg of biphentin and I was supposed to be moving him to 25mg. However because he has stopped taking them I don't know what to do. I have no support from my ex. He feels he was not doing well on them being that he complained of headaches. My ex refuses to speak to the doctor about it. I've tried explaining my concerns to my son. He is in denial, and I think he has been listening to his fathers opinions and this is why he feels justified in his decision. I am very frustrated. I don't want to see my child head down the wrong path.

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23 Mar 2010 @ 4:02 AM Reply # 1
Maudy Join Date: Tue 23rd Mar 2010
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Not taking meds

If you have the medical decision making then you should remind your ex of this. If the MD prescribes antibiotics and he isn't making sure your son takes them it's no different. Try to get your son to see how the meds are helping. It would be a good idea for your son, as well as your family to work with a therapist to try to work things through. ADD meds aren't something that you HAVE to take, but once people see how much easier it makes their lives they usually want to. Side effects should diminish over time so remind him of this. Maybe you can make a contract with your son. While he is with you, he takes the meds or .....(he looses priveledges or he earns something). See if he will try it for a certain amount of time. Get him to keep track of his own symptoms once a day like in the evening (how did things go in school, did he get things done, was it easier to concentrate or take a test, etc). When the time period is up have him look at how he does on as opposed to off the meds. If he is doing better on and wants to stay on, try to help him discuss this with his Dad. Remind him that taking meds for ADD if they help is like wearing glasses if you are near sighted. Why would you want to go around bumping into things if you didn't have to? Some kids think it means they are dumb if they have ADD. But it doesn't of course. What the meds can do is let his "smarts" show up better. And look up online all the really smart, successful ADD, ADHD people there are in the world. So many it's amazing. Albert Einstein, who was always losing stuff! If he will read a book for his age group on ADHD maybe that will help. As for the headaches they do go away and taking an over the counter med for them helps. Most people on meds get headaches when they stop taking the meds, kind of like caffeine withdrawal headaches. I guess the real key is getting your son to buy into the fact that the meds could really help him. He may not think there is any difference but if he keeps track a while it might make it easier for him to see how it helps. And hopefully his Dad wants whatever will help your son. By the way, ADHD tends to run in families. Any chance your ex has ADHD and he sees a bit of himself in your son? Lots of parents get diagnosed after their kids do when they realize "hey, those symptoms sound just like me". Tell him it's not a disease and there are actually positive things about having an ADHD brain, really. For one thing, you notice little details that others don't even see. So it would make you a great detective, like Sherlock Holmes. Good luck and hang in there. Your son is just getting to the age where he is starting to make his own decisions. Go back to the doctor with him and your husband and discuss it again. Part of his job as a parent is to follow the plan the doctor set up, he needs to understand it will not be good for your son to be on meds one week and off the next. And if he isn't on them for a whole week, you can't go up to the next dose without your son having lots more side effects. Is he really that mean of a guy? It's sure not helping your son for him to be not following the doctor's plan.

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27 Mar 2010 @ 8:37 PM Reply # 2
ADD RN Join Date: Wed 21st Nov 2007
Threads: 11 Posts: 358
your son

is at a age that he listens to his father because he is the male role model and if dad thinks they don't work then they don't. You unfortunately have to convince your ex that they are needed and headaches that do not get in the way of videos games etc are not really headaches. You are in the position of allowing the teachers to complain about your son to his father, Show the school reports when he on meds and when he is not. AND TELL HIS FATHER IF HE WANTS A LIFE OF HARDSHIP ETC BECAUSE HE IS TRYING TO GET AT YOU HE NEEDS TO FIGURE AWAY TO DO IT without using his son. Does this child have a grandmother on the father side maybe she needs to give her son hell. It sounds like your ex just enjoys make it difficult for you especially by using his son. If he really loves him it would be to his advantage to do what right for your son.

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