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Not taking meds
If you have the medical decision making then you should remind your ex of this. If the MD prescribes antibiotics and he isn't making sure your son takes them it's no different. Try to get your son to see how the meds are helping. It would be a good idea for your son, as well as your family to work with a therapist to try to work things through. ADD meds aren't something that you HAVE to take, but once people see how much easier it makes their lives they usually want to. Side effects should diminish over time so remind him of this. Maybe you can make a contract with your son. While he is with you, he takes the meds or .....(he looses priveledges or he earns something). See if he will try it for a certain amount of time. Get him to keep track of his own symptoms once a day like in the evening (how did things go in school, did he get things done, was it easier to concentrate or take a test, etc). When the time period is up have him look at how he does on as opposed to off the meds.
If he is doing better on and wants to stay on, try to help him discuss this with his Dad. Remind him that taking meds for ADD if they help is like wearing glasses if you are near sighted. Why would you want to go around bumping into things if you didn't have to? Some kids think it means they are dumb if they have ADD. But it doesn't of course. What the meds can do is let his "smarts" show up better. And look up online all the really smart, successful ADD, ADHD people there are in the world. So many it's amazing. Albert Einstein, who was always losing stuff! If he will read a book for his age group on ADHD maybe that will help. As for the headaches they do go away and taking an over the counter med for them helps. Most people on meds get headaches when they stop taking the meds, kind of like caffeine withdrawal headaches.
I guess the real key is getting your son to buy into the fact that the meds could really help him. He may not think there is any difference but if he keeps track a while it might make it easier for him to see how it helps. And hopefully his Dad wants whatever will help your son. By the way, ADHD tends to run in families. Any chance your ex has ADHD and he sees a bit of himself in your son? Lots of parents get diagnosed after their kids do when they realize "hey, those symptoms sound just like me". Tell him it's not a disease and there are actually positive things about having an ADHD brain, really. For one thing, you notice little details that others don't even see. So it would make you a great detective, like Sherlock Holmes.
Good luck and hang in there. Your son is just getting to the age where he is starting to make his own decisions.
Go back to the doctor with him and your husband and discuss it again. Part of his job as a parent is to follow the plan the doctor set up, he needs to understand it will not be good for your son to be on meds one week and off the next. And if he isn't on them for a whole week, you can't go up to the next dose without your son having lots more side effects. Is he really that mean of a guy? It's sure not helping your son for him to be not following the doctor's plan.
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