I've been married for 17 years and recently diagnosed with ADD, more specifically with Sluggish Cognitive Tempo. I have always struggled with depression and have had a difficult childhood in a dysfunctional family. My work life consists of stints of 1-3 years maximum at one job, with no real career progress or promotion. Personally I hate working and I am petrified to make the same mistakes over and over again. My husband always wondered why a pretty and intelligent woman like me was so "screwed up" and couldn't be self confident and successful. One of our children is autistic, the other one has ADD, the kindergartner may also have ADD (3 kids). Our parenting challenges are numerous and our relationship is a mess - oh, did I mention the affairs I had over the period of a year?. My husband is at wits end and wonders what got into him to marry me. He says I am a liability to him. I am a happy mother, but otherwise hurting and frustrated at my inadequacies. Still, we are together, and now in couples therapy, for the second time. When I ask my husband why doesn't he leave instead of yelling at me all the time and getting so frustrated and bogged down ... he says, because I love you. Go figure ...

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Hi Trigger,

First of all, very cool user name! ;-)

Secondly, I know exactly what you mean, but fear not it is indeed possible for people with ADD or ADHD to find love! To be completely honest…I have absolutely no idea how to find it, as I’m a 35 year male, but I simply know it is out there and is possible. I myself am a sappy chivalrous romantic gentleman with ADHD who desires love, but my ADHD has me also going in circles.

But this is about you and you sound as though you have numerous awesome qualities as well as an equally loving and romantic heart and soul. As for traditional girls or traditional relationships, I think a non-traditional girl is much more interesting and adventurous! If you believe nothing else, believe this, you most CERTAINLY have a chance if not MANY for love. The chance for love only stops, if and when you stop looking. ::wink::

Mike

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TriggerHappyVampire said: And yet, still I worry. Is it possible to find love, if you can't necessarily be the traditional, attentive girlfriend who is in tune with her boyfriend's moods? 'cause I am so not. It can take me DAYS before I notice at all. It isn't that I have no redeeming qualities, I'd just feel better if I knew that a woman like me had a chance of being loved.

thanks

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First, I am not positive this is ADHD...she has never said ANYTHING outloud to me about this. I am quite a bit older than her and thought this is the way younger women are today. I am divorced. Anyway, we have been seeing each other for a year and live an hour apart. This has given us space which can be good and bad. I had never thought about ADHD until it came up in a tangential way.

Its possible to share love and affection because we do. When we are together we are quite close. We can be quiet and warm and loving. When I met her I started writing poems again and paid attention, was amazed, started a blog. I just got a better attitude for falling in love. So it can happen....but I have had to be the one paying attention lots of the time. She is rarely complimentary of me or curious...and as time has passed there is the sense she is getting maybe bored with me...there is alot of motion with her and lots of friendships (male and female) that she is always adding to. she has been very reluctant to talk about her past and other relationships...and I have not pushed.

She is mostly serious with me...but around other people for fun, playful, less serious.

To make a long story short I did a quick study of ADHD in women and find many of the symptoms present in S. She takes very very holistic approaches to health which I like...no MEDS as far as I know...and is mostly a vegetarian, hardly any coffee, very conscious of her food intake, gets enough exercise, does Tai Chi, does market gardening, has a part time job filled in with jewelery making, blogging, cleaning homes, market gardening, farming and I have never seen her with even a cold or flu.... ...her life is constantly being filled with NEW things, projects, coursework, jobs, part time jobs, friends, a kind of FaceBook life I can't always keep up with...

Anyway, I am not sure this is ADHD except I heard her talk about it with someone else.

I am just getting my head around this but there is part of her that does not want me to know something and I think its this ADHD...

Not sure. Anyone else with girlfriends with ADHD or ADD. Thanks wedgeseeds

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TriggerHappyVampire said: Hi everyone, I'm new around here. Was diagnosed about a year and half ago, got a prescription for Concerta, and thought that was the end of it. (Pause for dramatic "HA!", then continue.) Turned out, not so much. After my most recent relationship ended (our third anniversary would've been today), I felt hopeless. I see a lot of women on this forum who struggle to help and support their ADD husbands and boyfriends, but....what about supportive husbands and boyfriends? crickets chirp I hear nada from that corner--and they must exist, right? Somewhere?

My fear is that, because I struggle so much to follow conversations and remember things, that no one will want to deal with all this extra baggage I come with. I've begun to research ADD, and now own several books on the subject. Since the initial diagnosis, I've also added to my daily dose of Concerta--which has also helped tremendously. So it's getting a bit better. I don't feel like a screwup, which is good for my self esteem.

And yet, still I worry. Is it possible to find love, if you can't necessarily be the traditional, attentive girlfriend who is in tune with her boyfriend's moods? 'cause I am so not. It can take me DAYS before I notice at all. It isn't that I have no redeeming qualities, I'd just feel better if I knew that a woman like me had a chance of being loved.

thanks

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