On top of having a Girl with AD/HD (which is difficult enough!) I am a single mom and I live in a neighborhood whose median annual income exceeds mine by almost 3X. My daughter was doing alright in 4th grade, she had an understanding teacher, who drew her in socially. She was going to birthday parties, etc., and talked frequently about her friends in school, in a positive way. She's always been teased, being hyperactive (although that's slowing down some now that she started middle school) and has a speech issue you can't miss. Last year she had what has got to be one of the least understanding, most judgmental teachers I have ever had the displeasure of meeting, and in one year went from "doing ok" socially, not being popular by a long shot, but having good, solid, reliable friends, to being the school "leper". Now, in 6th grade, she doesn't even WANT to get to know anybody, for fear of rejection. She says, she doesn't want to think someone's her friend, again, and then have them come back the next day, and say they don't want to be friends, because they heard some stupid rumor about her. The worst part is, even the teachers aren't understanding. Most of them just insist that all the other students are so "nice" and even when they say and do outrageaously disrespectful and humiliating things to my daughter, they just assume she "brought it on herself". I know she commits social blunders, but she's got a hugely generous heart, is an genuine and understanding as can be. Social blunders are just that, blunders, like making some off the wall comment, or phrasing something wrong, or interrupting because she's overly interested in what someone's saying, etc. This is an 11 year old girl. She shouldn't have to hear that she's "retarded" (when she's actually very smart) "weird" "stupid" and come asking "What's a "lesbian?" Why would somebody call me that, I'm not!" just because she doesn't always pick up on the myriad of social intricacies of a bunch of (I'm sorry, but from what I've seen) spoiled, overly-indulged, suburban kids whose clothes cost more than most of her furniture. Still, I could understand that, coming from kids. I don't understand how grown people can buy into that, and not see through what's really going on here. I feel like my daughter's middle school, and even our neighborhood, treats her like she's second class. It's very isolating. It's like, they might put up with her being socially clueless, or being poor, or having a speech articulation issue, but all 3? Forget it. She maintains friendships with the children of my friends, one in particular is a boy her age with AD/HD & possibly dyslexia (he can barely read, where my daughter would read all day every day if she were permitted to!) but he's also one of the most sensitive, good-hearted kids his age I've ever met. I know middle school kids are OF COURSE going to be shallow, but I really feel the school, and other parents, are kind of encouraging the shallowness, rather than even trying to be supportive. I just really wish I could help her find one reliable friend that lives somewhat nearby, and have it not be a disaster. Why is it so hard?

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@Megansmom I truly understand you and what you are going through, and I wish I could help, I will say keep looking for the advice to help her shine again :-) she will be okay, just as I say about my daughter. I worry about it quite often but I cant let it get the best of us, I know who she is and she's a beautiful, intelligent, caring, loving, young lady. My daughter was in a fight a couple months ago, it scared me because she was with a family member, and I was at home but she was okay. The prime example of people getting hurt for bullying or trying to bully others because their not like them.

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My daughter is 9 and is having similar social issues. She is in a very small Catholic school which has been very helpful. Only 2 classes for each grade and she has been there since K. This year, 3rd grade, she has a teacher who doesn't care about her or her problems. Despite an IEP, she gives my daughter no help in the classroom. Because of her, my daughter has suffered socially in her class. Since I can't depend on having a good teacher each year, I had to take matters in my own hands. I found a program in our area that teaches social skills to children. It's an 8 week course meeting once a week with counselors and therapists. Two sessions of the eight, parents are to be present and they will help us also, help them. I didn't know these programs exist but they do. One poplar one I keep hearing about is the LEGO method. It helps children who have all types of autisim and other disabilities. I've enrolled my daughter in her age group, for the social skills class and am waiting for a confirmation of when she will begin classes. After that class, I may enroll her in the LEGO class, if needed. There is a waitl. Summer classes are already booked up.

Good luck!

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My son can easily make friends but keeping them is the trouble here. If she is wanting to make friends anymore at school, what about other activities? Does she do anything outside of school she might be able to make friends, where rumors won't really be an issue and is a fresh start friend wise for her? For instance my son plays with a boy in our neighborhood but they don't go to class together. They're great friends, but I think because they don't have the influence of other kids it works out almost better... they just know they want to play together. The other thing is perhaps you can join a group in your area with parents that have similar issues, and the children might be able to become friends over time and be more understanding. One other thing we've done with our son is we enrolled him in a social skils class. It was offered at our local boys and girls club and gave him new ideas on how to make friends, what to say to bullies, etc. Might be a thought. Good luck!

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