My 9 year old daughter is going through a difficult time in school this year. She has come miles and miles in managing her behavior and getting the right medication to manage her ADHD, Severe Depression Disorder, Severe Anxiety Disorder and ODD but now she finds herself with no friends and a teacher she hates. My heart is breaking because I know she is a wonderful child but being dragged down by the actions of her peers and teacher. Her grades are spiraling downward and she is becoming more and more despondent, simply watching tv and zoning out when she comes home. I can't tell you how many times I have met with the school Principal and her teacher about her "issues". I even begged the principal to allow her to change teachers since this one recommended that we should get "S" involved in activities outside our home town since none of the children are willing to have anything to do with her. He put it off and said she wouldn't qualify for an IEP since she is no longer exhibiting such aggressive behavior and is passing most of her classes. Her teacher seems to feel that "S" is a bully but when I talk to my daughter she insists that the other kids are bullying her and intentionally trying to find ways to get her in trouble. What in the world do you say to a child who wrote on a school project that her only wish is to have a friend? No amount of words and interventions seem to help her with what seems to be such a simple wish. When I have lunch & recess with her, I see for myself that the only one who will play with her is her 10 year old sister who will be off to the junior high next year. I know I can't fix everything for her but it kills me to see her so ostracized and lonely.

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We are dealing with bullying/social outcast right now with my 11 yr old son. It is tough because he comes home telling me that certain kids are picking on him...talking slow to him or saying your so stupid, or you are annoying...etc. He is telling me with tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. They basically don't want to hang out with him. They tell him to go away. They claim they will tell the teacher on him if he doesn't go away. When he tries to talk to them they say "just shut up".

I don't honestly know what to tell him to do. I don't want him to tell the teacher on them, because that is what we have told him to do in the past, but know they tease him on you gonna tell the teacher "teachers pet". I am not sure where to go from here...he is in 5th grade, so telling the teacher or getting the school involved is not going to help, but hurt the situation for him. I also can't listen to what they are saying ...because it drives me crazy to think of what bratty kids these guys are!

any advice anyone can offer would be great....or even just sharing this hopefully helps someone out there to know they are not alone!

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My son, 8, is just the opposite. He doesn't understand social cues and ends up lashing out at others, leaving him without friends. He doesn't bully other kids, but he certainly isn't making any. His big thing is the "rules" if someone changes the rules halfway through he game he can't handle it. He starts yelling, calling names and usually stomps off. Other kids his age do not understand this behavior and refuse to play with him. We try to get him to understand that sometimes things change and while it isn't fair, we have to be flexible. He really wants friends but he just doesn't know how. He has a social IEP and goes to a group meeting at school to help develop these skills, but he really doesn't see what he is doing wrong. It is always somebody else's fault. He told me all he wants is to have lots of friends like his sisters. I will keep trying to help him, but there are some things I just can't do for him.

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My DD is 6 and exhibits many signs of ADHD. She has been to a counselor for defiant behavior who told us she "wasn't ADHD because she could sit still for more than 5 minutes." Anyway...

My DD has horrid social skills. She is very, very talkative, but she does not stop. She invades others' personal space. She says whatever is on her mind, no matter how it comes out. An example of her social skills is during the first week of kindergarten last year, she put glue all over another girl's chair. When the teacher asked her why she did it, she said she wanted her to sit down and stick to her seat so she would stay by her and be her friend. There are several little girls in that class who bully my daughter by saying she doesn't have the right clothes, call her fat (she is rail thin) etc. This frustrates me because she doesn't have any friends to go to when the bullies come after her, and she really lacks the social skills to make friends. She goes to a small school that doesn't have many resources, and there are also 32 kids in her class which I know is hard for the teacher to keep up with everything that goes on.

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My heart breaks when I read about all your children and what they have to go through. I have 2 children both ADHD and my DD is also ODD ( we just found out last week). I wish you could all come to our school!!!

I walked into the principals office Friday and told her of my DD's ODD - her response: "let's get her teacher, you, your husband, myself and a school specialist in a meeting next week to see how we can best support her while at school"

I know- seems unusual huh? That how it is at our school (and yes, it's a public school - a charter school)

Both of my children are on 504's - I never even had to ask! My son - who is also dyslexic is in resource for reading and writing - he is also in Speech and OT - I never asked for him to be in any of it. They saw he needed help and gave it to him.

Our school is also a "Bully Free / No Put Downs" school - at first I thought "yea right!" but after seeing kids on the playground bullying another child and yard duty was quick to respond - I was impressed.

Both of my children have been in therapy for their ADHD - Let me tell you .... this has been an lifesaver!!! My DD just started so I really can't tell you much about her progress - but my son has come so far. Pre-school was a nightmare!! (he was diagnosed at age 4) The therapist was wonderful! And made the transition to Kindergarten wonderful! In pre-school he was picked on, no friends, got into trouble constantly. Kinder was a small struggle- but by first grade he was calm, in control on his emotions and most importantly had friends! He is now in 4th grade and doing very well.

My DD is do ok with the "Friend" thing. I know that therapy can only do so much - it's lots of work for both her and myself. But I do know that it pays off! We are also looking to get her into a "social learning" group. It's a place where they put together groups of kids around the same age with social learning issues. Kids who are shy, aggressive etc.... and they learn how to get along and make friends. How to read "social clues" things like that.

I wish you all the best!

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My daughter went through a lot last year, 6th grade. So far, so good this year (but it's only been one day of school). I hate to point the finger, and be one of "those" parents, but I have to be honest here. I really do find that when my daughter has the hardest time, when she's coming home every day saying she was picked on and/or bullied, 100% of the time, it's in the class of a teacher who does numerous other things that reflect a certain negative attitude, usually with any kid whose labeled in any way. Sorry if that doesn't sound fair, but it has been my experience so far with my daughter in the public school system. If the adult in the room has a negative attitude towards one of the students, and that student is socially clumsy and unable to find a way to hold up socially, then you can bet that's the student that gets unanimously elected unofficial class scapegoat. It's an ugly thing to be. The resulting loss of self-esteem, the situational depression and anxiety, they all get blamed on the student, on the parent or parents. Last year I DOCUMENTED EVERYTHING, I got the school district involved, I called it like I saw it (politely and professionally of course). I pointed out all the ways my daughter was not getting basic support, I got her doctor involved. Suddenly, there was an assistant in the room where my daughter was getting frequently ganged up on. Suddenly, the comments I got from teachers about my daughter became more objective, open-minded, and informational, not so accusatory and biting. I teach my daughter to take responsibility for herself, I teach her to think of others, not just herself. I know that any kid her age is probably going to sometimes say or do something you wouldn't expect them to when the parent isn't there. I've never tried to say my daughter did or didn't do or say something until I have all the facts. I also know it's not my daughter's fault that some educational professionals still hold onto negative stereotypes regarding the labels the school system comes up with for our kids. I'm not trying to lay all the responsibility on the school, however, as a parent, when I know I have done and am doing everything I can, and my daughter isn't reflecting a bad attitude at home or about anything other than how she's being treated at school, by other students, and by so-called adults in front of the students, and how she's asking, pleading, begging for help, and getting just the opposite, when that's what's going on, there's no doubt in my mind that it's the SCHOOL's turn to take some responsibility for itself, and for providing a decent and at least tolerable environment for EVERY student that wants to learn. If that means changing a 504 to an IEP, so be it. If that means adding social goals to an IEP, oh well. If that means old-fashioned minded teachers who don't believe in that AD/HD "nonsense" keep their mouths shut, too bad. If that means my daughter inconveniences someone by reporting it when she's being called a "M-F-B" by one of their so-called "good" students, well, that's how it is. When my daughter does something wrong, there are consequences. When the schools allow an ugly environment to fester out of ignorance, there needs to be more consequences for them, too.

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