I would normally suggest a support group, but since you don't have local access to a support group, then welcome to the forums. You will soon find that you are not alone.

“It’s chasing an illusion to think that any organization — whether it’s a family unit or a corporation — can be completely free of disorder on a consistent basis,” says Jerrold Pollak, a neuropsychologist at Seacoast Mental Health Center in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, whose work involves helping people tolerate the inherent disorder in their lives. -- see this article about Clutter form more information about accepting a little chaos (or a lot) in your life. I think you will appreciate it.

Good luck, Dena

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I too am in a similar situation as you. My husband, 25,23 18, 10 and possible the 6 year old are ADD/ADHD. I've been dealing with this for 26 years now and it was not until February of 2009 that the answer came. Until then I did not know what I was dealing with. My 10 year old is on medication and it has helped a great deal by taking some of the edginess off. The house was a disaster most of the time and the emotions in the house were unbearable. So I developed a coping mechanism for me; I let the boys room be as messy as they wanted it. I started cleaning professionally (since I did that anyway, why not get paid) outside the home. This gave me a sense of satisfaction of a job well done and some needed time away from home. During my cleaning time, I think of other ways to make my home life a little milder. For example, I will take out an outfit for school and put it in a certain place, after a while my sons started doing the same. I label everything or color code things so I know who it belongs to and who the culprit is when it's not in place. Basically, create a schedule for them and you.

Now for your daughter, see if there are some girls that are a little older than she is that wouldn't mind hanging out with her and teaching her some things. Children learn more from older and younger peers and they tend to learn quicker. I have a 9 year old nephew in the same situation before he came to live with my family. He mentally was the age of my youngest, however, it was being around the older children that made him mature faster. Now his social skills are on level where he should be at his age. It was an amazing transformation.

I hope this is encouraging for you. I am just as frustrated as you when it comes to the others. Just stick with this website, it has helped me a lot.

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I'm ready to put my kids in an orphanage right now! I got rid of my husband 2 years ago due to his severe unmedicated ADD. Last night, my almost-8-yo would not go to bed. In the space of 1/2 hour, in between spankings he lost all media until the end of May, going skiing w/ his dad today, and the Ren Faire on Sunday. And he sill wouldn't stay in bed! Ever since he woke up this morning, he's been screaming and swearing. Right now he's breaking things in his bedroom while screaming and swearing. When he goes to bed at his dad's house, his dad will say "if you don't want to, you don't have to"-so there is sabatoge rather than support there.

Ex called this morning and told our son to ask if he could go skiing any way, if he did a chore. Um, no-and yes, I am the "bad" parent, again. Another reason I got rid of ex-I was tired of the kids being told I was the bad parent daily.

My 11yo's doctor wouldn't renew his Rx, so he's going thru withdrawal, complete w/ lots of screaming from him.

My ex has had a full social and sex life for the last 10 years, while I've had nothing. I can't get a babysitter for the kids, so no social or dating life. My girlfriends don't have special needs kids, so they have gotten tired of hearing my complaints. So I'm thinking, why am I bothering? My kids are being taught to hate me by their dad, while I'm sacrificing my social life, having fun, saving for retirement, etc. I'm supposed to be working right now, so I can pay for their medical bills which their dad won't help with, but it's too chaotic for me to think. Giving them to their dad will ruin their lives, if they survive his "care", but at this point I'm thinking they're probably going to end up in jail or dead any way.

ADD certainly does suck!

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I'm wiped out. I swear ADD/ADHD can suck the life outta me some days. I so need some time way, get some air, clear my head. I haven't been way from my kids for any longer then a night is 17yrs. And I have never taken a trip alone without kids or hubby. Give me a nice quiet cottage, good music, book and some good food....I need to recharge

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The hardest thing (for me) was to accept the reality that living with ADD kids and a husband with it, too, was going to be challenging and there wouldn't be "quick fixes". I also had to accept that this was going to take a TOLL on me. If you get way down, there is no shame in talking to someone about ways to take care of yourself.

, I started delegating some of the work to other people. If you are on a tight budget, try to barter to get help. I bartered veggies from our garden for tutoring. Also, organization is so hard but anything that can be done to help with that really makes a difference. Often, it is one step forward and two steps backwards.

Finally (and I know this is really, really hard), I trusted my kids to figure out ways to cope with it, along with some meds, as needed. Yes, they hurt when they didn't succeed but they started making adjustments. One left a note on the door every morning to remind him to take his house key. Another set alarms to go off when different chores had to be done.

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Ckicey-ask your husband to get to a doctor and start taking medication. I am a Mom with ADD and have two boys with ADHD and I know how messy we can be. I also have anxiety when my house is messy, so I can be my own reminder about picking up after myself, etc. I can't imagine parenting without the help of my nonADD husband. He does bedtimes a lot so I have a few minutes to relax before I kiss them goodnight. By the way, I strongly encourage kissing everyone one of them, no matter what their age, before you (or they) head off to bed. Kids with any type of problems need some extra assurance of your love, I think. As far as my kids and mess are concerned, their rooms are theirs, but anything left out in the main living areas ends up in the garbage can after 1 reminder. It's harsh, but very effective. I now see a lot less toys, mess all around the house. In addition, we reward A (90% and up) papers the kids bring home so they are encouraged almost on a daily basis to bring up their grades. We are still struggling despite all our efforts, but those are the things that we've done to try to cope. By the way, we just went from expanded basic cable to very basic cable, and it was the best decision ever! They almost never veg out in front of the TV now, because "there is nothing good on!"

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