You are not alone in the struggle to convince people that ADHD is very real. That is why ADDitude.com has a handful of articles about how to deal with people who think that ADHD is just an excuse for bad parenting. The best thing you can do is educate yourself so you can educate others.

These articles will hopefully help you deal with the doubters:

Silencing Skeptics

Snappy Comeback to ADHD/ADD Doubters

Spread the Truth About ADHD

7 Myths about ADHD Debunked

I hope this helps. Dena

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Oh, thank you! I am still new to this site, so I haven't seen everything I need to yet. Those links have and will help me a lot.

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Overwhelmed, I have the same problems. I have a daughter with ADHD/ODD (at least thats the exact symptoms she has displayed for two years).. I have taken her to several dr's and even spoken to a therapist who all basically told me she was too young to diagnose or I need to be a better parent. Nothing fuels the fire more than friends, family, and dr's criticizing your parenting skills. I've actually had people tell me they can do better and get her to listen to them, only to send her back with their arms in the air. I just found this forum and am hoping I can find some support. I started a blog myself.. only because I couldn't find any others out there and really needed an outlet. Maybe we can enlighten each other. Hang in there.. I tell myself that everyday. adhdmommy2006.blogspot.com

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Thanks, adhdmommy! We went trought the same thing before my son was "able" to be diagnosed. I didn't believe in ADHD until I had my son. This just might be payback. Lol! It still drives me crazy. Hope to talk to you soon.

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I have a 7yr old son who I believe has a severe case of ADHD. I had an hour long meeting with his principal and teacher last Friday about his behavior at school. He threw himself down and refused to go to lunch while all his classmates looked on. I will be getting him tested as soon as the pediatrician makes an appt. I am a single mother in my last semester of grad school--his own father doesnt believe anything is wrong and blames me. I feel so overwhelmed and alone and cry myself to sleep most nights. I believe you and wish you luck.

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My son just turned 12 in December and has ADHD and severe anxiety issues. We see a pediatrician every couple of months because Collin takes medication for the adhd and anxiety. The doctor also had told us to get Collin into some counseling/therapy. Collin now goes to see a very nice counselor every other week. I understand all your issues with people not believing you and having issues with attitude. Collin is a sweet little boy and really enjoys video games and stuff like that but does not get into sports or other things. My wife says we need to make him do things such as sports and I say No. Collins issues are academics, he really is falling short here, he is in a regular classroom setting with kids with no issues and is expected to do the same work in the same time frame. Collin recently seen his counselor and she has figured out some more of Collins problems...He has Social Phobia. I want to get him into a place that can give him better educational opprotunities because of his struggles in public schools. Also this year my insurance changed at my work and now we have a giant deductible to meet before anything is paid and he takes 3 medications and they arent cheap. Is there financial help out there for this and educational assistance. we seem to not be able to keep a sitter for him and his little brother. Life is tough on me and my wife and i know how you feel when your child thinks you hate them. I came home just the other night and he and mommy had been fighting and he told me "Dad i want this ADHD to go away" Now I am supposed to be the big tough daddy but i hurt inside, even now just to think he has this bothering him. I love Collin and I can honestly say He is my best friend.

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My son just turned 12 in December and has ADHD and severe anxiety issues. We see a pediatrician every couple of months because Collin takes medication for the adhd and anxiety. The doctor also had told us to get Collin into some counseling/therapy. Collin now goes to see a very nice counselor every other week. I understand all your issues with people not believing you and having issues with attitude. Collin is a sweet little boy and really enjoys video games and stuff like that but does not get into sports or other things. My wife says we need to make him do things such as sports and I say No. Collins issues are academics, he really is falling short here, he is in a regular classroom setting with kids with no issues and is expected to do the same work in the same time frame. Collin recently seen his counselor and she has figured out some more of Collins problems...He has Social Phobia. I want to get him into a place that can give him better educational opprotunities because of his struggles in public schools. Also this year my insurance changed at my work and now we have a giant deductible to meet before anything is paid and he takes 3 medications and they arent cheap. Is there financial help out there for this and educational assistance. we seem to not be able to keep a sitter for him and his little brother. Life is tough on me and my wife and i know how you feel when your child thinks you hate them. I came home just the other night and he and mommy had been fighting and he told me "Dad i want this ADHD to go away" Now I am supposed to be the big tough daddy but i hurt inside, even now just to think he has this bothering him. I love Collin and I can honestly say He is my best friend.

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My son is 13 and was diagnosed with asperger's, tourette's, OCD, ODD, ADHD, severe anxiety disorder and some sleeping issues were found at the sleep clinic. (like that was a surprise!) So basically what this all means is I have a child who appears like every other kid, except he's exceptionally intelligent, so much so that he can't keep up with his brain and he has the social and emotional skills of a peanut! My son displayed oddities since birth. Things like my baby wouldn't look me in the eye, would screem and screem and screeeeeem when I put a diaper on him. (Which by the way, after a month of no sleep and in tear strickened desperation, I took my 1 month old baby to the store and opened EVERY package of diapers till I found one that after I put it on, he remained calmed.) I'm so glad and lucky the pharmasist was understanding and actually helped me open them!

I have been told everything under the sun bad about my son. I was told I "needed" to discipline him more and "a good spanking never hurt a child". They were right...the spanking I gave didn't hurt my 3 year old, however; the fat lip he gave me immediately afterwards, while laughing, did! I refused to take my son to be diagnosed. I didn't need a professional to tell me what I already new deep down and I would become very upset at any doctor who suggested something was "wrong" with my child, until grade 2 and his school became a nightmare. I yelled at the poor doctor who diagnosed him and wanted to medicate him at 8 years of age. I was appauled at the thought, finally we decided to try it.

For years most of my family had criticized me for this and felt medication was too harsh or his behaviour was somehow my lack of parenting and the best was being told that there "really is nothing wrong with him" My family finally backed down on their ignorant and opinionated stances this summer, when my son squeezed a glass and cut an artery in his wrist and through the muscles in the other one. He didn't mean to do it, he just needed to squeeze something and that was the closest thing. One would think that a 13 year old would know better, but my son doesn't think about consequences, EVER.

He has no friends. He makes them and then within a few days he seems to push everyone away. It's so sad! He is a great boy, but he does have oddities that other kids don't like. I have learned a lot over time and my one regret was not getting my son help when he was a toddler. I spent many years trying to make my child "normal" that I never gave him the resources and tools to function in life and society productively. People can say, think and believe whatever it is that satisfies their ignorance, BUT....they are not the one's who will be trying to pick up the pieces for your child when they become an adult and can't function productively in society or be focused enough to keep a job. I have dedicated myself to teaching my son independance and the skills he will need to function. If my family and the people around me want to help...that's great, but if not, I don't fret about it anymore as long as they are not a part of the problem. Most days our steps forward are microscopic...but at least they are forward.

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Thank you for sharing, Devon. I do too. It is good for me to know that I am not the only one. Thanks.

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Mom4Life - I love your attitude. Your story made me feel very strong today!! :) Thank you for making all of us who deal with the doubting family know we are not alone !

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Collinsdad, Thanks for sharing. I do know that the when you venture out beyond the public school system there is no special education help. The public school system is obligated to provide a free education plus any special education needs to your child. We just went through a lot with our son to get a 504 plan. Some of my friends kids have an IEP. Educate yourself as much as you can.

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Thank you, mom4life. You have been at it longer than I. I need to take on your attitude toward this! Our steps are very small, but they are moving forward.

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I feel for you, I have the same type of problems with people not understanding that there are real problems. I get comments all the time, like, kids will be kids, maybe you just need more/less discipline, a better diet, etc. etc etc...it can be infuriating! My daughter is 6 1/2 and has ADHD, Asperger's, ODD and Sensory Processing Disorder, although in retrospect the sensory stuff comes along with the Aspergers. We are fairly well misunderstood by people in general. That is why these forums are so important. It is good to know that we are not alone, not making these problems up, and not bad parents!

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Stop this crazy thing I want to get off!!!!!

I came here tonight hoping to find company in my misery.

My "family" (that would be the gene pool from whence my son got his addwhatever) do not believe that anything is wrong with my son except that he's going to be a mama's boy because I never cut the cord.

You folks know what I live through -- an 11 year old who can't remember the same steps of brush teeth, brush hair, put on deodorant and get dressed each morning and there is a constant frantic dash each day to get picked up on time. The Homework Battle (if it even gets home), The Last Minute Project Club, The I Have No Friends Litany, The Endless Loop of Teacher Complaints and of course that oldie but goodie "Awww come on already he just needs a good spanking to lean to listen. You're the one in charge! You're spoiling him."

What do I do!!!!?????!!!! I am at the end of my rope. I am ready to give my son to a family member because everyone has convinced me that I am his worst enemy and I am ruining his life. I hate the nagging, yelling parent I have have become. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't cope and no will help me. Everyone says it's only in my head that there is nothing wrong with my son. How then does a kid go from As in Grade 5 to potential holdover in grade 6 because of lack of work? The teachers say they "see something" in my son that they haven't experienced before and they don't know what to do with him.

He just had a neurological evaluation that was mostly academics and nothing seems to jump out.

I am starting to think that I am the problem and that I've wrecked him somehow and it's all my fault.

We are a sad family unit. Anyone else out there feeling this?

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I could be in your shoes... hell, i AM in your shoes! My youngest son is 8 years old. I have two grown children, a son, 23 and a daughter, 22. Nothing prepared me for Bruce. They were so easy, so compliant, so sweet and loving.... I didn't realize just how much my world was going to change when Bruce came into my life.

I should have known from his birth during a massive thunderstorm that nothing about this child would be calm or quiet. It started with colic. He would cry from about 5pm until midnight or 1:00 am. Nothing helped. And so began the rest of our lives. He was the busiest child I've ever seen; as an infant playing on the floor, he was never content. Belly time = scream time. Hold him and he'd fidget and fuss until you put him down, then he'd fidget and fuss until you picked him up. Our lifeline at that time was the swing... the constant motion soothed him. For a few precious minutes, anyway. Shopping with him was a nightmare, even at the earliest age. Its no wonder I didn't remember having those kinds of problems with the older kids... they were normal.

Terrible twos? ROFL!! Nightmare-From-Hell twos, threes, fours, fives... He never left the twos. In many ways he's STILL like a two year old. Smart, crafty, canny, and ALWAYS on the go, he kept me from doing anything but tailing behind him cleaning up his messes, or grabbing things before he could get to them, then off he'd go again! I wanted to put him in an enclosure made for small dogs, but I was told that would be "abusive" and to just let him grow out of it. HA!!

Kindergarten: suspended 5 times. First grade: suspended 6 times. Second grade I FINALLY gave up and put him on medication. It helped immensely... until his system became desensitized to it. The teacher phone calls, the principals, the counselors... I finally broke down with his first grade teacher in tears and told her this: I don't know what to do... I can't beat him any more than I do, or I'll go to jail. I can't lock him in a room until he's 18 or I'll go to jail. I can't sit on top of him at school all day every day or I'll lose MY job. I can't MAKE him do anything, and I will NOT zombify him with medicine. It is YOUR job to teach him, so TEACH him! Find a way, and leave me alone!

Life with my child is a battle... rarely pleasant, NEVER peaceful. I live in a constant state of battle-readiness. My nerves are shot, I eat too much, I snap at people that don't deserve it and I have NO patience left for my son. Those people that have gone to jail for locking their kids up? yeah... I understand completely. I don't agree, and it is NOT right, but I TOTALLY understand why they might do it. So tempting... I could tell you a million stories about my child, and you would see YOUR child in every one of them. He fights, he argues, he lashes out in anger, he rages, he screams... and he hugs, and he cries, and he hates himself. And I hug, and I cry, and I tell him we'll get through this somehow.

He's brilliant, and he's so impulsive it makes him do stupid things, like run up and down on the hood of his grandmother's car causing massive damage. Or poking holes in the leather seats of my truck, or slicing the seat of the lawnmower... There's no end to the list of things he's destroyed for no particular reason than because he had an impulse and followed through.

I know why I was given this child. God was teaching me a lesson in humility. I knew in my heart that ADHD was a made-up disorder to pacify lazy parents. As a teacher I've seen those kids come through my high school chemistry class and mentally berate the parents for a child that simply needed a good ass whipping. yeah... right. So God, in His ultimate wisdom and to my horror, gave me one of those children. This way I can see for myself that it is NOT bad parenting all the time... sometimes there IS a problem with the child. I have told God over and over again that I understand now, and that I'll never again judge parents so harshly... now will You PLEASE fix my child?!?!

I am searching for a therapist now. Not for my child so much as for me. My sanity is at stake. I need help to deal with my child so that I don't kill him, or myself. I can hopefully find some useful information on this site that I don't have to pay for, and if not, at least I can come here and rant, because I know that you will understand, and are in the same nasty leaky rickety old boat that I'm in.

God bless you all.

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Pick up a stone from the street and see if you can find something wrong with it. Look closely at a diamond for its flaws. Put them together and decide which one has more value, the perfect stone or the flawed diamond.

Our journey began as an exasperating search for a solution to my son’s encopresis. Along the way, we endured a parade of seasoned professionals from every discipline imaginable that looked down their nose at a pair of unfit parents. Along the way, everyone eroded a beautiful boy’s self-image. Along the way, I disciplined my own for something he couldn’t help. I felt cheated because this was always with us.

His younger brother didn’t share this difficulty. He just threw temper tantrums. As he got bigger, so did his temper tantrums. And the professionals added scowls as they looked down their noses.

We fought. We disagreed. We became isolated. Everyone knew what we were doing wrong. We couldn’t see tomorrow.

Then with reluctance, we paid near two grand for a complete neuropsychological evaluation that created a beacon for us in our hopeless storm and as plain as the nose in the mirror showed us what those long nosed professionals should have seen all along. ADD. Wonderful. What is it? Oh. Gee, that explains a lot about me. Hmmm…. So the rest of the world isn’t wrong. And the problem became an insignificant symptom. As I look back, that was the least costly expense.

We also learned that this boy has an IQ of 140, reads four grades above his age and comprehends six grades beyond his age. He can also hyper focus to the extent that nothing around him or in him can get his attention. His brother followed suit only with a completely different flavor.

And I got my beautiful little boys back. And I got my wonderful wife back. And I stopped beating myself up over failures. And we began again.

Did the problems go away? No. Is it over? No. Do we take to heart what family, pros, administrators and others who are older and should know better tell us? No. Do we accommodate our infirmities better? Yes. Do we find our own way? Yes. Do we see tomorrow? Yes.

Now we pile up high honors, black belts, band concerts, great getaways, and treasured memories and leave behind failures and concerns for others’ opinions and standards.

Stuff that has helped: Medication for all of us; Tonsils and adenoids for sleep apnea; 504 accommodation plans at school; an unwavering commitment that this is our home and we all belong here with all faults, frustrations, talents and hearts; a few good friends; an open faucet of forgiveness; and the resolve to try again.

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