I'm so sorry to read about your current situation. That sounds like a job for the best therapist you can find. I can't offer direct advice on how you can change your daughter. But, I did find these articles about pregnancy and ADHD. These articles provide tips on how to ensure the safety of mother and baby during the pregnancy. Another idea, you might want to contact your community's Social Services organization for help. They are used to dealing with tough cases like this one.

ADHD Drugs: Safe while Pregnant or Nursing?

ADHD Treatment for New Mothers

I hope these help, at least a bit. Dena

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Hello, I can't give you no miracle advice.

But did you try to get her out with you, to eat outside for example, and talk with her ? Or maybe to do an artistic activity, like sewing, drawing, theater etc.... Just to spend some time with her, without trying to substitute therapists. She has qualities and faults, like everyone. Try to discover her qualities, and praise your daughter for them. If she set the table to help you, praise her, don't assume it's only a duty : she has done something which is good, make her note. If you don't praise her for what she does well and only notice everything she makes wrong, no wonder she feels anger and may have an eating disorder. Show you unconditionally love her, despite she seems a monster. You can even give her the possibility to care for animals : find out which kind of animals she likes, and give her the possibility to care for them, even if you don't have animals at home. Animals love unconditionally, even if you say that your daughter is a monster.

She is not the monster you describe. She has qualities, but if you never praise her for her qualities, she'll never be aware of them. If you only notce everything she does wrong, no wonder she feels in failure and gets not only ADD, but also eating disorder, depression, being oppositional and angry ! You can think you tried everything, but probably there is a path you didn't try yet, for a reason or another. You can spend time or money with every kind of therapy you want, but if you say she is a monster and stuff like that, I'm not surprised therapies fail with her. Because therapies never substitute parents. And the first duty of her parent is being proud when his child does something which is good, even if the child is not doing well in the same field as his parents : I have never been a people person who have liked parties and dinners, that's ok, I do other things like writing, learning foreign languages, some computers. Does it mean my life is only a failure ? If you think my life is a failure because I don't like social events, you put your finger in your eye until the elbow ! She won't get a Harvard diploma in medicine, what's wrong with that ? Does it mean she is a failure ? No way ! She has strengths and weaknesses, accept her with her strengths and weaknesses : if she is artistic and draws better than you, praise her for it ! If she is good at repairing the toilets, praise her for it ! Tell how do you feel, without thinking other people tell you to say something else. If you like her good taste for colors while you furnish the living room, tell her. She may seem indifferent, but it'll take time for her to build the confidence of relationship which broke in this crisis.

Your daughter will never be a perfect daughter. Because no one is perfect, not even you. So don't expect your daughter to be perfect : it's the best way to fail as a parent.

Recognize you made mistakes : you're not a Wonderwoman, you're a human. And every human makes mistakes. Recognize it : it's the first path you can take to build the relationship with your daughter.

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Thank you for your heartfelt reply, I can tell from your words that you have been on the other side of this equation. I will think about what you said.

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...from my father. Now we are trying to build a broken relationship. It's even harder than if I were younger. But it's never too late to repair the broken vase.

He was like you are now with your daughter. And it does much more harm than good. My mom has never been like that.

You took conscience that something is wrong and try to find solutions. It's the first step to find the solution and solve the problem. It'll take time. So, be patient. Don't try to do too much, too soon : try to make things as quality, not as quantity. Better a few but well done than a lot but so badly done that it's like you haven't done anything. Don't give up therapists' help, but they can't solve every problem. Because a person, and especially a teenager, doesn't build only with therapists, but first with his parents, his peers etc... She'll have to learn to oppose herself in front of the danger, even if it means she has no friends of her age. Because age doesn't make friendship : I have friends from any age, not many but from different generations, and age doesn't matter as much as it seems from appearances. The real friendship means that I care for my friend's interest, so it's my duty to prevent her from doing something harmful, as for her health as for anything else. I had a friend, who became now a so-told-good-friend : she asked me more than once to do harmful things for my health and even for my personal life, and she teased me when I refused to do so to please her, whereas it was only harmful for me. I hate her, and my mom feels terrible because she is her friend. But I think my mom is blind because she is her friend : she always tries to find excuses for what she did. The problem is that nothing excuses her behavior : nothing excuses her way to laugh and tease me when I refuse to put myself in danger. I'd like this so-told-good-friend to be punished. She has a C hepatitis, and I saw her when we were friend drinking some wine, whereas alcohol is totally forbidden when you have an hepatitis : hepatitis damages the liver, alcohol is burnt by the liver, so why doesn't she want to understand that two wrongs don't make a right ? Why does she laugh because I just want to protect myself and my health ? For me, her behavior is impossible to forgive, I only still resent a lot against her. And I can't overcome the fact I resent so much against her : I though she was a real friend, well, she wasn't one.

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