well if u can afford it, rent a room and if ur parents are inclined to help you, have them help u with other expenses like meds, etc.

if u can't afford it, tell ur parents u want to be more responsible by paying some rent...even if it's only 100 a month or something...then as a 'tenant', get a lock on ur door.

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Gee, I truly feel for you. It must feel like living in a mental house of mirrors at times.

For many years now, I've keenly perceived the injustice (for lack of a better word) of a child being diagnosed and treated for ADHD while a parent (or two) remains oblivious of his/her own challenges.

In fact, sometimes I see parents with undiagnosed ADHD who "hyperfocus" on their children with ADHD. It's their sort of "self-medicating" activity. So, for example, your mother might clearly see that your room is a mess and set about righting it, but straightening out her own "mess" might not be as interesting or stimulating to her. Also, she might think that this is what a good mother does: react to whatever the child is doing. (Some people with undiagnosed ADHD can be much better at reacting than at initiating or being pro-active.) I hope this is making sense....

Undiagnosed ADHD can be tough on a young child, and it's equally tough on an older child who is just starting to make her way in the adult world -- with a new diagnosis and lots of "reframing of the past" to do.

First, I think it's important to avoid compounding your difficulties by getting angry at your parents (maybe you don't, but it would be a natural reaction). Instead, it might be more helpful to understand what a tricky thing ADHD can be, even in one's parents. Especially when it comes to "denial."

"Denial" around one's own ADHD challenges can be not only "psychological" (that is, defensive) but also physiological: that is, ADHD symptoms themselves can impair objectivity. And, if your parents have lived with undiagnosed symptoms all their lives, well, that's "normal" to them. It might be much easier for them to see the ADHD symptoms in you than in themselves.

Second, congratulate yourself for discovering that you (and perhaps your parents) have ADHD. At least you finally know what's what now, and you are taking a wise step in seeking support and validation here. Good for you!

You might also want to check in your community for a face-to-face adult ADHD group. It's important to have your voice heard by people who "get it" and it's also important to hear others voicing the same issues. (Check http://www.CHADD.org and its chapter locator, also Meetup, and local newspaper community calendar listings.)

The more clear you become in your understanding of ADHD, the more clearly you will be able to start drawing boundaries with your parents. Moreover, the more you start gaining better control of your life, the more you will get your parents' attention. "Hmmmm, maybe there's something to this ADHD thing," they will be forced to conclude. We hope. :-)

best of luck!

Gina Pera, author Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? http://www.ADHDRollerCoaster.org

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cauria070 said:

I'm working a part-time job that I hate, attempting to get into law school, trying out new meds (1st short acting Ritalin, now Concerta, which is making me weepy and irritable)

On this point specifically: There are several reasons why the medication might contribute to your feelings of weepiness and irritability.

1. For the first time, you are seeing clearly the "invisible enemy" you have been wrestling with all your life: undiagnosed ADHD. You are being hit with overwhelming insights that explain the uncomfortable (and until now) mysterious patterns in your life. This is a lot to take in, and a good ADHD-savvy therapist should be able to help you process these feelings.

2. You are a recent college graduate. This can be a stressful time for many people with ADHD. You've left the structure behind, the path that clearly said "this is the goal, and this is how to get there." You're now left with the task of structuring your life.

If I were you, I would hold off on any plans to attend graduate school until you have a better handle on your ADHD. I've known WAY too many pwADHD who plowed through law school simply because it was the next "goal" and they really didn't want to be an attorney! (Maybe this isn't the case for you, of course; maybe you are very clear on why this is a goal.)

3. The medication might be wrong for you!

At least 75 percent of late-diagnosis adults with ADHD have a co-existing condition. If you also have depression and anxiety (apart from that caused by the "emotional baggage" of late-diagnosis ADHD), the stimulant taken by itself can actually WORSEN your anxiety and depression. Especially around your menstrual periods.

To put it simply, the brain chemicals called Dopamine (ADHD) and Serotonin (depression and anxiety) have a sort of see-saw relationship in parts of the brain. "Boost" dopamine and serotonin is often diminished. This is why many people with ADHD who take a stimulant might also need a serotonin-targeting medication.

Please tell your prescribing physician about your symptoms. You should NOT have to suffer side effects like this.

good luck! Gina

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Thanks so much for your kind responses. I spoke with my psychiatrist about switching back to short-acting Ritalin, which I tolerated wonderfully. I'm not on my medication right now and I can definitely "feel it." I'm looking into finding a CHADD chapter in my area as we speak. Right now, my biggest problem is moving through the grief cycle since receiving my diagnosis. Sometimes I love knowing what's "wrong" with me and sometimes I hate it. I really never did all that well in school even though it was obvious that I had a really high IQ. So I am wrestling with all of these feelings and trying to be an adult at the same time, while trying to go back to school. Being an ADDer forced to undergo standardized testing when I am so NOT a linear thinker is about the second worst thing I've had to deal with, other than living at home. I just can't get it. I want to go back to school so badly, because of the edge it would give me in the marketplace, serve well as a back up plan if my career as an actress doesn't work out and, most importantly, because I like learning. I just think it's unfair that there is this huge void in the system for people who are smart but don't fit some perfect numerical profile. I basically can't go back to school even though I want to because some test says I don't think the way it wants me to. I just don't know what to do now.

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