I had the same situation with my mom. I felt she was and was worried she would lash out at me if I told her. What actually ended up helping is when my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I wanted her to have a better understanding of him and why he does the things he does. So I sent her an email that was an article on what if feels like to have AD(H)D. She related to the article and realized she feels exactly the same way. To my shock, she emailed me back and said, "That is me, I think I have ADD." I just about fell off my chair. For years she knew she was different but didn't know why. So although you think your daughter in law might be angry or resent you for suggesting it, take the chance. It may open a whole new world of understanding. She will feel a host of emotions should she be diagnosed and she will need help going through them. You sound like you would be a person to stand by her and help her through it. Try finding an article written by a woman who has ADD and what it feels like. Give her the article and say, "I care about you very much. I was hoping you would read this and let me know if you ever feel like this sometimes? Because if you do, I will help you find ways of coping." If she is afraid of meds and stuff, let her know, you will do things step by step, one day at a time."

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Thank you for your reply. You have some very good suggestions. I could only hope that she would respond with an open mind and heart. The situation is complicated now that she and my son are separated... she's already moved on to a new relationship. She is extremely defensive during our conversations. It's like she hears more than what I'm actually saying and draws conclusions. Making a suggestion could backfire right in my face. I guess I have to decide if I'm willing to take the risk. My greatest fear is that she'll accuse me of thinking that her marital problems are all her fault because I think she has ADD. My other fear is that she'll keep me from talking to my granddaughter (4yrs. old). My heart aches for that precious little girl because she has to deal with her mother's irrational behavior and scattered thoughts. Even she gets frustrated. Thank you again for your reply. I appreciate your suggestions.

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