interesting....I've never thought of it from the perspective of being a man. I guess we women can get away with losing focus during the act. Excuse me for naivete..but I'm relatively new to this dx. of ADD and am learning more and more about how it's all encompassing of so many areas in my life. As it relates to your "issue"...does your issue show up usually when you are in a less "active" position?

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No, I can be quite "active" and suddenly find that my attention diverted and I am losing the ability to continue. Usually doing something to get rid of the distraction and/or switching to doing something pleasant for my wife for 5 or 10 minutes will get me back on track. We joke that she is the rough and ready one in the relationship and that I'm the delicate flower because if there's anything distracting me I just can't get in the mood. It's really disheartening sometimes.

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Friend... welcome to my world. always keep in mind that ADD is a misnomer. In reality we respond to ALL stimuli, and the brain has to figure out what it should be responding too. we do not have an attention deficit, but rather respond to all of it, and get a little paralysis by anlysis. three solutions...

quickies... hyperfocus... keep it interesting.

sometimes they tell kids -- focus in short bursts... sometimes you need to keep it simple focused and to the point. I laugh suggesting that your working under a deadline, but some of us really do our best work (lol) under the gun.

Hyperfocus. not to give away my secrets, but to help you, make an attempt to find something in the act, that can keep you focused. For me, i concentrate on my partners breathing... whatever else is going on, provided we are in a position to hear each other, I listen to every aspect, I can tell what works and what doesnt, but for me, its something that I can focus on there, in the moment. Just as you can respond to all the stimuli at once, you can intensly focus, and its making a habit of that level of focus.

interesting.. Car sex works wonders. we live on implusiviness, so sometimes sex on the fly, outside of the typical places and styles offers a twist on theme.

always keep in mind that we respond to all stimuli, so sometimes you need to turn things off, that means the radios, and turning cell phones off, taking the house phone off the hook.. do a mental checklist next time your going to be intimate, detailing what are known distractions, and turn them off.

good luck and have fun.

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I've found having music helps. Sure phones and other stuff can be distracting, but I think we are talking about getting distracted in the mind more than getting distracted by stuff around us. Good sexual music will remind me what I'm doing and keep me in the moment. Some good examples I like are Enigma, Tool's Lateralus album, Marvin Gay or even the Speed Racer mix. Be careful and plan your mix ahead of time, the wrong song can blow your mood just as easily.

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My hub and I are both ADD, and music seems to be a distraction for him. He is a musician as well, so perhaps that is why that stimulus takes him away from the intimate moment. On the other hand, music enhances the sex for me - -if it's the kind that triggers that 'mood'. So guys, keep in mind that if you're going to try the music suggestion to maintain your intimate focus, make sure it's music that's good for your partner too. Is it speeding/pounding rough music, or silky sensuous jazz, grinding-but-soulful blues, ethereal, 'pretty' classical music, or what? Are you picking something that helps get you off quickly and leaves her hanging just when she's almost there, or something that helps you focus on how her body's responding to you as you try to help her reach her climax (like you mentioned about focusing on her breathing)? That latter focus helps my husband and makes for the most mutually satisfying play. I have to close my eyes though, because I lose focus when I see that he's studying my facial expressions. Hope some of that was helpful. It was helpful to me just to know what others are experiencing with intimacy.

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