Elizabeth,

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your son -- the teen years can be tough for both parents and teens!

You might find the following articles helpful in dealing with your teen troubles:

14 Tips for Parenting ADHD Teens

Inside the Mind of the Teenage Boy with ADHD

9 Secrets to Surviving Your ADHD Teen

Also, if you think ADHD medication could help your son, here are some tips for talking to him about taking it:

Fix Your ADHD Child's Medication Problems

Good luck!

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Hi Elizabeth, I too have a disrepectful teen. I work outside the home for 3 hours a day and make a meager amount of money, but like you, I really don't need to do it, I just love teaching. My son, however, thinks that if I had a full time job, he would be able to have a car, vacations, all the materialistic things that he sees in magazine that he longs for. He belittles me because I never went to college and can't make the money that my DH makes, and he's serious too! He's mean and hateful; on the other hand, he's seriously depressed about it. He askes me why I'm not more concerned about wanting more. Why don't I desire to have the finer things in life? When I try to explain that we're happy w/what we have he doesn't get it. When I tell him that he can have what ever he wants when he gets his education and job later, that's when he really gets mean, mind you, we are expected to pay for this education. There are really so few people that understand what we (parents of ADD teens) experience at home. Finding these websites and going to CHADD groups is really the only thing that keeps me sane...

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Hello.

I just wanted to try to offer you some words of comfort, as after reading your comment my heart really goes out to you. My son is 16yrs of age & he has severe adhd, & i would like to take a moment to briefly tell you how extreme he was towards me at points throughout his illness, my son would look at me as though he hated me & for many years i thought he would rather i was dead as it was as though just by me being near him repulsed him, he has only hit me on 1 occassion thankfully but his words he would say to me would cut through me like a knife, i love my son unconditionally like i know you do your child but i can honestly say hand on heart i felt like i couldn't go on anymore as his adhd sypmtoms and attitude were making me mentally ill (as im sure you can understand that you always do your best for your child in everyway and to have them be so unappreciative and throw it back in your face makes you wonder why you bother). But on a high note i did stick it out as i knew that deep down beneath all that anger & hate he was directing at me he was still my son & i realised he was just lashing out on those he loved cos he was struggling to understand himself also. I can now honestly say that we have a fantastic relationship now & we are very close, (and my son has actually said sorry for all the hurt he has caused me & he gave me a hug and said thankyou for never giving up on him), & how i achieved this was to avoid confrontation with him even if he done or said something terrible i would tell him we will deal with that but before i did i would let him calm down, he would still yell abuse whilst i walked away but within 15mins to upto an 1hr before now he would calm down & realize what he done wrong (adhd children dont consider the consequences whilst there acting out it is only later when they are calm that they give it thought and more often than not pangs of guilt set in, once all calm try to make him think about what harm his actions have caused and get him to figure it out how else he should have dealed with it, as this helps him to think for himself rather than us parents spell it out to them. You will more than likely have many more incidents like them but things will get easier you just need loads of patience & treat them like an equal & speaking calmly (although i know this is very hard it can be done), they must be dealt with for there behaviour so they learn that certain actions have consequences, involve him in what punishment he feels fit for his behaviour, ie: if my son damaged something in our home i would make him do chores to earn money to pay for the item to be replaced or if he was leaving a mess around the home or walking mud up the stairs i would make him clean up for a couple of hours so he would appreciate the hard work that i put into our home to make it nice. As for your son not realizing your choices in life & not understanding why your content with what you have that sadly is just him being a teenager (along with the terrible teenage hormones & adhd) & wanting things & not quite grasping the true importance of life as in his world life is about materialistic things.

But please stay with it & even if you repeat yourself a thousand times over to your son i promise you that he is absorbing what you say he just acts like he isn't, but as he matures and comes out of these horrible hormones his adhd sypmtoms will calm down & you will end up with a young lad who has good morals & manners and you will have yourself to thank.

Good luck x x

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Thank you to everyone who very kindly took the time to explain this to me. Your explainations have helped me a lot. Have a good day.

elizabeth

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My son was diagnosed in SR year of H School with ADD as he never finished taking tests. He was 17-18 yrs old. He was advised med might help. He refused meds but had extended testing time allowed, which helped. He refused to speak with a therapist or doctor. I told him I wasn't diagnosed until I was 41 and had to compensate all my life and that today there are helpful meds. I also told him I hated to see him go off to college and struggle. Well, a couple months into college he called one night and said his assignment which should only take a couple of hours was taking him nearly 5 hours to get through and that he will see or talk to anyone that I bring him to to get help! I believe that in time, with maturity that your son may re -consider. He took Ritalin all through college for homework only and graduated from U of Pittsburgh as an electrical engineer. We are all convinced that he could not have done it with out medication. He now is working as an engineer full time and still takes the medication studying nights, on-line for his graduate degree. Hang in there. There is hope. It is difficult, I feel especially for a young man. Good luck. Been there.

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@Joanne - Your post was truly a word from God to me. Thank you for that post. I am a single divorced parent of a 13 yo ADHD son with ODD(who is adopted) and its really hard. My son's dad is pretty much non existent in his life (financially & physcially) so I bare the brount of it all. The school refused to test him, etc.... You know how it goes. I recently started posting in different threads and have found this site to be helpful. Your post really touched and encourgaged me. Wow!!! I needed that. Thank you again!!!

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